Psychosis

[Kamikaze]

What can you learn from experiencing a psychosis.

In the year 2024 after winter I had a weird experience. I was writing some stuff down and experimenting with writing as that was a unusual thing for me to do. Had this idea of how to write short stories and such as I had a idea for a story in my mind I wanted to develop.

I was writing in a unusual style where you could read the same sentence one or twice or a third time and get a different saying from it each time. Depending on you pronunciation or connotation the sentence changed meaning.

I was doing various sentences and changing this around in my mouth to get a story going.

The unusual thing was I was doing this in the Finnish language. My mother tongue as to say.

I developed a technique to get a story by repeating a similar sentence over and over again to go through all the variations a single sentence might develop into.

I was doing internal research on this as to say going through various old sayings that I had picked up over the years. A saying could have hidden meaning or story associated with it if you played around with the wording in your mouth.

I did various play-throughs of various words and sentences to develop stories or sayings.

In the middle of this play of words as to say I started to hear a voice tell me stories. It was my own voice but it was caught into my breathing and as I wrote things down this story started to develop. I was awake 3nights and days + a couple more at the hospital when the story got out of hand and started to effect everyday living.

The story was wild. It developed out from my writing and took a life of it's own. What I was writing was what I started to hear. I was in the middle of my story making and this took over the scene in the whole.
I could hear my own voice in my breathing tell me back a story to write down. It took shape as these sayings that could be repeated and you would get a different meaning from it if you read it a second time over.

The content of the stories went down a rabbit-hole of nuclear weapons and gods and angels, Jesus and the devils.

The story started out with me doing my word plays and sentences and old sayings in my own time until it for some reason took a life of it's own when I could hear these stories being repeated back to me in my back-breath and breathing. I got back what I would need to write back next from this voice. The story started out with me uncovering secrets of nuclear weapons manufacturing in the ancient past. Stories about how this was ancient tech and old sayings recorded this secret to the modern world.
I also caught various sayings to recorded historical events of various ways.

I had gathered quite a collection of sayings to hint back into nuclear tech being used back in history as far back as 3000-5000BC. And the weapons were as I later uncovered much more advanced that what we have today. They would float on the their own and such.
Who doesn't love a floating nuclear bomb that explodes on a timer as the bomb gets hotter and hotter as time goes by until it hits criticality.

Well anyway. The story centered around a saying. A saying that records the E=mc^2 formula.

I received the saying as follows from the voice early on in my episode.
[Ämmä tietää. Emme tietää. Akka tietää ja toista voiman.]

I heard this [saarna]. Meaning a sermon.
I got various sermons. I wrote it all down until the voice told me for some reason to delete it all. I wrote more than a hundred pages of these sermons before deleting it all a few times around. I deleted what I wrote three times around. So much was lost. Or all was lost. I have only my memory to hold on to get back into what was written.

Anyway I received this [saarna] (sermon) and everything afterwards circled around this sermon as I wrote down the wrong thing first time around and shared a false sermon. It was important to write exactly what was heard without errors or you would hear back this is wrong all too often.
I was visited by this individual in the middle of the writing whom told me these stories.
The name was forgotten but it was a south American spirit guide or something. The name was a hard thing to pronounce. This guide knew everything there was to know about nuclear weapons and such as this was old stuff he had tinkered with ages ago.

He would be my guide or voice to tell me about this story. He kept me company throughout this ordeal. It was his initiative after all.
He initiated this experience as was later learned when this story kept developing.
He was a storyteller was there to help this fledgeling hone his writing skills. So many errors and mistypes he was there to guide you to correct. I wasn't fluent in the Finnish language as I believed myself to be. Much was misspelled. This error kept the story in a loop of repetition to correct the errors in the early writings I made.

The first sermon I received was spelled wrong in the wrong way. I had wrote it down from memory not as I had heard it. This caused all kinds of issues with the following stories that had to be gone trough.
This error in writing was a cause for much issues in the stories to be told as nothing would work out correct if this error would persist. The error would be referenced here and there. Stories repeated to try correct it.
I lived in a loop of a story that kept repeating itself about nuclear weapons that would be found in Finland from this old age when these were manufactured.
I lived the story as I wrote the story. It took me 5 days to go through the story to a end.
Only to reveal itself that what I all had experienced was nothing but a story and nothing real had happened at all. I had just spent all this time living a story manufactured for my special experience.

I kept receiving these special sermons. [saarna] to be exact.
I wrote them down as specified but was always later told to delete all what I had written. The voice would then scold me for having deleted it all even though it was very specific that it all had to be thrown out.
I could always write some more.
I wrote some fantastical stuff. The [saarna] was never to be wrong or you would hear back that it was wrong in later writing and to correct the errors by there being a repetition of a earlier [saarna] that was written down faulty.
These errors caused the devils to come around and write their own stories of falsehoods.

If you write wrongly the devils come to dance around you and created havoc with the story to be told.
These errors had to be corrected which took up most of the time.
This guide who initiated this event often would stop me in middle of writing if the tale got out of hand. He would laugh at it.
I was literally writing his laughs as he stopped me in middle of writing.

All wasn't fun and giggles. The story was a serious matter to be had. I uncovered various things about historical events related to Finland and how this country and it's people played a central role in the old events of this nuclear world was pictured.
Finland is the most ancient country there is around in this world. Going back 300000years if not more. The language is as old and ancient that you can find.
We have a record going through the language that spans the time since the ventures out of Africa first time around.
Finland has a record of history saved in it's language that spans all human history. We experienced it all, we went everywhere there was to travel over all. It's a story that spans the human beginnings to modern days in all.

The stories kept going back to writing about various stories related to nuclear experiments or events.
This all began in India when the Finns lived in modern day border between India Pakistan.
This is like 5000-7000BC. They developed the bomb with the help of the locals and built various bombs and tech related to it. One such thing being these weapons would float on their own if configured in a particular way as would be discovered. You could throw these bombs like spears that went around the world to hit the same space where you threw it from.
There is a specific stockpile of these weapons in modern day Finland as the story was told.
There were a few special configurations of these bombs that had a specific use.
This fed the story I was experiencing hearing this voice for 5 days straight without sleep.

There is more to be told but this is enough as a introduction.

[Kamikaze]

The story would circle around and start anew a few times around as it focused on the events of the nukes that would be found in Finland. I would get real-time intel on what was happening as these were found and how my posts or writing on the matter had real consequences on what would follow. If I wrote the wrong thing bad things would happen.
I was posting some of the few [saarna] i received on 4chan forums. And depending on what I posted things changed in the real time story I was receiving.
The discovery of these nukes and their accidental explosions as they were mishandled.
These were ancient nukes that no one in the modern world knows how they operate.
They activate by touch or when picked up. So no safe handling possible without a nuke going off. There were hundreds if not thousands of these nukes in the stockpile that was found in the northern Finnish forests.

Some were like round spinners that were thrown a great distance. Others were the spear type with two of these balls connected together causing it to float on it's own. These could be thrown a great distance and flew like something on melted butter in the air. Just swooshed at great speed and straight like an arrow.
This dual sphere nuke was the key tech I was interested in as that would allow great tech for space travel to be developed.
What is not to like when travelling in space on a nuclear bomb. There were these clusters of these single balls in a large array that would scatter these nukes in a large area if used. Cluster nuclear bombs.

the story involved the secret that USA and Russia along most of the world knew Finland was a ancient nuclear power that they feared beyond anything reasonable as Finland had once controlled the whole northern half of the planet as it's sphere of influence. These nukes were the key to the power as no other nation had developed these without having been destroyed in response themselves when gaining them.
Finland developed these nukes and was the sole nation to keep their secrets to themselves.
They destroyed the whole of Asia one upon a time when nuclear war happened in the ancient past.
I got some writing down that went through instances when these nukes in the 3000-5000BC time span were used.
A test of a nuclear bomb in Qatar with a mullah getting blown with the wind when he stood to close to the blast zone.
The development of the nukes in India year 5000BC and how Sweden created a fizzled bomb and shot it out whit a cannon like a cannonball in the modern times when they hand found the secret teachings on how to make these from Finnish speaking individuals.

All the knowledge is in the language and if you write stories down you can find keys to some secret knowledge in your everyday language.

You have to turn the words in your mouth and seek alternative meanings. You literally fish out word, story a sentence from your mouth and fit it in a specific way to tell a story.

[Turhan touha] is key wording I like to use with this. Uselessly fussing with words.

This story kept going for 5 days without sleep. You can imagine how much you can write down in that same time. I wrote too much. Sadly I deleted it all when prompted to do so.

This is [höpö homma] all in all. A stupid thing to do.

[petra]

Fascinating, me and my brother both have something in common with you. We both deleted stuff when told to do so.

I didn't delete anything per se but I threw away some things important to me like my graduation ring. At the time I was trying to prove a point so I don't really regret it

My brother composed music and it was the music that he ended up deleting

Edit: I have many notepads of writings though which I plan on tossing away very soon. A lot of nonsense really, just me trying to work my thoughts on paper. I used to notice strangeness in my writing.. and it would have meaning at the time. But to look at it now, well it's just a big mess. I'm not talking about a few notepads either I'm talking a boxful

[Kamikaze]

A particular thing my spiritual guide would do was this:

[höpö homma, höpöpöpöpö...]
As in a butterfly would flap it's wings. The story teller would be central and all these listeners would gather around and listen to the story.
There were a lot of butterflies gathered around for this story.
My guide would help with the story but I was the central teller in this story. The guide would at times swap place to tell his story in the middle of this.
When the story was going astray or wrong he would stop by saying höpöpöpöpö. Or sound the flapping of wings sound in the background.

Lots of the writing would include this flapping of wings in the middle of it when it went in various directions. Then it would central back to the core story with a new sentence.

You would get a new [saarna] to write down. It was imperative you wrote as it was uttered. Any error would quickly be corrected.

You would write various [saarna]. Some I shared others were kept for myself.
Often a [saarna]would get a name or word for a chapter.
[helvetin saarna]was a long one that went into detail about various strange things.
Literately, [Hellish sermon].
I'm sad I didn't keep it around. It's posted 2 years back on 4chan. if it could be dug up. It was a crazy one.

It's posted in finnish in a particular thread. But the way that site 4chan is setup makes it impossible to dig up old stuff there. Only the newest stuff is around for the moment.

[petra]

Thanks for the details. My spirit guide is gone or hiding I haven't heard from them since I had a psychotic breakdown about a year ago. They were always respectful so I think maybe they just want to let me live my life like I asked

I went 14 days without sleep

Psychologists blame pot but I gave up smoking pot at that time! It was the lack of sleep that put me over the edge. Be careful

[Kamikaze]

The real bad part in the story didn't happen until I got myself dragged to the psychosis department at the hospital after 3 days of wakefulness at home, I got myself in trouble when I was convinced some guys were after me and needed to escape my home and travel to Finland.
The story took it's part in telling me I had ended up in the literal hell and had to take myself out from there. It involved devils and angels. Yahweh, god and Jesus.

The most crazy part was all the rituals that were made. Yahweh had like 10+ names all that had to be uttered in row and they were some crazy names to pronounce.

So the story took some bad turns at the hospital as I had convinced the story was true and waiting for literal nuclear war to happen any moment or actually happening as I was at the hospital while battling devils and angels.

Down in hell I met Jesus of all people and he had had some stuff to share.
God was watching and present as well was Yahweh.
The hospital visit wasn't in the best of moments.
Kept it secret from the staff but I did some ridiculous things as rituals to get myself out from the Hell I hade myself.
It didn't help I couldn't sleep at all and was awake 2+ days at the hospital while staff tried to figure out what to do with me there.

I refused to speak anything but Finnish at the hospital. It was a Swedish hospital.

While in literal hell I waited as the story played itself out as it continued even without access to my home computer to write down everything I could.
I kept looking out the windows at night thinking it was daytime seeing it as proof I had ended up in hell which was inside the sphere of a ball in the primordial acid ocean.

Things got out of hand as I didn't know what was happening to me and the story just kept going. All I wanted to do was travel to Finland to get to a safe space which was a cottage my mother owns.

The story was I would be safe in Finland as the reality of nuclear weapons cache there was found would make it so all Finns would need to return there or they would not be safe elsewhere in the other countries.

The secret was out as to be said storywise. The ancient nuclear weapons had been recovered in Finland and they were the most powerful nation on earth at the moment.

I got some medication and it helped when the voice calmed down on the sixth night when the story came to a close.

One thing I learned in hell is not to speak at all. Remain as silent as possible. Every word you say gets deleted from you vocabulary and you have to use a different word in it's place instead.
There was a rule on how to speak and it was each other word silent and each other high. and never repeat same word twice or you get it replaced with a word from another language.

Everything had a rule on how it was supposed to be done when things were done and all. You would hear the voice tell you what to do at the hospital and what not to say to them. You would need to watch what you eat and all.
Everything would fall in place to tell a continuation of the story. Random event would fall in place to prove it was real and all.

All in all it got crazy.

I miss the writing I made. One of the best stories I gathered together even though crazy.

The [saarna] I got were strange all in all but the most interesting things I wrote down.
There were general writing as well but it wasn't as well structured as the [saarna] could be.

trying to reconstruct anything is impossible.

I had a couple more relapses a couple months later that lasted a few days and I have some writing from the last one left.

The writing is hard to understand on it's own as it's piecemeal but it all played it's part in telling a story about history and nuclear weapons.

[Kamikaze]

The [saarna]. the words it all circled around was as mentioned the following words, sentence.

[Ämmä tietää. Emme tietää. Akka tietää ja toista voiman.]
You can read it differently depending on how you want to see it.

[Ämmä], old lady. at first glance.
[Ämmä tietää] the old lady knows.
But look at it a second term. You are saying [M] knows.
[Ämmä] has dual meaning. It's either the letter M or the word for a old lady.

Same thing for [Emme].
[Emme tietää] We don't know.
Or looked differently. [E] knows.

[Ämmä tietää, Emme tietää]
Can be [M knows, E knows]

[Akka tietää ja toista voiman]
The witch knows and doubled the power.
With this sentence you can ask, say.
[Se akka tietää]
Here [se] is [c].
The words are letters.
C is also equal to three. The third letter.
You double it. or square it. C^2. (3^2)

With this you have E, M and C^2 encoded in a sentence.
Like this you could write a sentence with more knowledge encoded in them than was apparent at a first glance.

C = 299792458m/s. Or approximate 3 as a number.

The spelling of the words also had meaning.

ÄMMÄ
EMME
AKKA.
They signified different configurations of these nuclear bombs.
Each of these different configurations had a different purpose, or utility.
Look at the letters as a drawing of a device rather than letters.

It gets convulated and hard to share this unless I have a [saarna] that I saved to tell the stories I got.

But I had to share this one that I managed to save.

[petra]

For me even the shapes of the letters had meaning!
I wonder what would happen if you tried writing things down instead of typing it

I remember thinking "who made this" talking about English.

I got a reply that said "must have been them" meaning the enemy

"Why do you think that?"

"Because who else would invent something THIS awful"

I'm not even sure which of those thoughts were mine anymore

[Kamikaze]

The word [saarna] has dual meaning. It can mean a sermon, a teaching or mean, a door's hinge.

I for the longest time could not understand what the word meant.
As the word would be repeated quite often. Like very chapter got the word repeated after it.
You were supposed to use it after each sentence and a choir of individuals would repeat the word after it.

(Said anything) [saarna] and then a group of individuals would repeat the word [saarna] after each other to confirm the sentence.
That the words, sentence was correct and sanctified.

It got quite repetitive to hear this word so often. But it had a pattern to it that made it easy to differentiate chapters from each other.
Sometimes chapters would get named diffrent things.

For example a text would get labeled the following at the start:
[Ensin tarina] (the first story)
[Helvettin tarina, helvettin saarna] (Hell's story, Hell's sermon)
[Elvätyksen tarina] [Elvätyksen saarna] (The revival story, the revival sermon)

followed by at the end with:
[Tässä on perkelen saarna.] (Here is the devils sermon)
[Kaiki perkelen saarnat] (everything is the devils sermons)
[Kaiki on perkelen touha.] (everything is the devil's work)
[Perkelen tarinat on tossi tarinat] (The devil's stories are true stories)

This the text it was for:

[Ensin tarina] 
[Helvettin tarina, helvettin saarna] 
[Elvätyksen tarina] [Elvätyksen saarna]

[Ämmä tietää. Emme tietää. Akka tietää ja toista voiman.]

[Tämä niin meni yhteen.]

[Se lentä itseksen.
Se lentä kuin keihäs. 
Huhu, kuin tietää]

[Keihäs yli kuu mene. Laske kuin se lämmimäks mene. Tippu loppu pätkän. Mahan mene. Kärähtä. Sitten se räjähtä. Toisen iske toisen päälle, se mene ylös se toinen. Ja heitä sen toisen. Se mene mahan, räjähtä uuten.
Hengen vaaralinen vehe. Niin se on ollut. Hengen vaaralinen vehe toimi niin että se mahan mene se iske sen toisen päälle. Kärähtä. Siten se räjähtä.
Perkelen vehe. Se räjähtä kuin ylikuumene. Se mene toimen kuin se ylikuumene. Hengen vaara kaikille. Se kärähtä se ensimmäinen.
Se ylikuumene nytten. Se on hengen vaara. Se on hengen vaaras. Se on hengen vaaras kuin se ylikuumene. Se on hengenvaaras. Se on hengen vaaralinen vehe.
Ne on jättäny niitä. Hengen vaaras nitä löytää näitä vehkeittä.]
[Hengen vaaralinen vehe.] nimi sinä.

[Tässä on perkelen saarna.]
[Kaiki perkelen saarnat]
[Kaiki on perkelen touha.] 
[Perkelen tarinat on tossi tarinat]

[Tämä niin meni yhteen]
Encodes that the pattern was [NIIN] this configuration that worked like a floating spear.
[Niin] also means, two in japanese.
So Tama niin means literally. (Eggs two).

edit:
[Tämä] could be pronounced as [tama], which is japanese for egg.
[Tämä niin meni yhteen] meant. Eggs indeed went together.

eggs in this case is a synonym for nuclear cores.

(Eggs two indeed went together.)

[Kamikaze]

Another [saarna] I managed to save was this random bit.

[Opit, että Opit on lähellä. Opetus on siinä. Opit on lähellä.
Opit kaiken siellä. Opit kaiken sillä. 
Opit on suusi lähellä. Opit on suusa lähellä. Opit anta elämä.
Elämä on suusi antanut. Opetus suusi antanut. Opit on suusa lähell.
Se on lähellä. Suusi on lähellä. Opit se on lähellä.
Tietää että opit sillä lausell.] (lausella)
Ensimmäinen omani saarna. 
Eriksen tehty saarna. Ensimmäinen Eriksen saarna.

It tells you that your teachings are close in your mouth. Learn from your mouth.
Your teachings are in your mouth. it is close by.

You learn, that teachings are close by. The teaching is there. Teachings are close by.
You learn everything there. You learn everything with it.
Your teachings are close to your mouth. Your teachings are close in your mouth. Teachings give you life. 
Life has given you a mouth. teachings given you your mouth. the teachings are close to your mouth.
It is close by. Your mouth is close by. you learn it's close by.
You know you learn from this sentence.
My first sermon.
Sidelined sermon. The first sidelined sermon

Edit:
To give some additional context.
Opit is a name for a city as well as having the meaning of "teaching"
So it references a location.
Susi is also a location.
Suusi is in your mouth.
So it is talking about a location.

omani, also encoded oman. As it's a omani sermon. as well as your own.
These saarna often encoded dual meanings for words so they are hard to translate as you don't get the dual meaning of the words when translated.

elämä, also references elam, a ancient nation in the middle east.

[Kamikaze]

Posted by petra (here)
Fascinating, me and my brother both have something in common with you. We both deleted stuff when told to do so.

I didn't delete anything per se but I threw away some things important to me like my graduation ring. At the time I was trying to prove a point so I don't really regret it

My brother composed music and it was the music that he ended up deleting

Edit: I have many notepads of writings though which I plan on tossing away very soon. A lot of nonsense really, just me trying to work my thoughts on paper. I used to notice strangeness in my writing.. and it would have meaning at the time. But to look at it now, well it's just a big mess. I'm not talking about a few notepads either I'm talking a boxful

It's a treasure through of information. I would save the writing for later if you wrote anything important in them. I regret deleting my writing. As I would have liked to share what I wrote down now. It's interesting but chaotic. As you write notes down it gets into a mess to read. But these are the basis for further writing if you want to go through them later and pick out the most coherent writing later.

I just pick select sections out that are interesting to share. Most stays in the documents I have saved not used but just as reference to remind me about all the links and hints that are everywhere.

I made all kinds of links and references of words and their dual meanings in my writing and it's chaotic.
Not everything is a story or a [saarna] that can be shared on it's own.

It's mostly writing exercises and try-outs to see if you can get anything coherent out of it.
I don't know how much you wrote but I guess there is something in it that can be of interest to others.

[Kamikaze]

Here is a example of what you could write down that was just nonsensical but it describes the thing I was doing quite accurately.
I was circling the globe for clues about everything.

[Isontunnut, Ison tynnyt. Ympäri tynnyri mennän.
Ympäri ympäri, ympäri ympäri. Ympäri ympäri. Ympäri mennän.]

[Niin se mene ympäri. Ympäri ympäri. Ympäri ympäröi. Niin se mene ympäri ympäröi. Niin se mene yhteen. Niin se mene. Ympäröi kaiken. Niin se on menny yhteen. Ympäröiny kaiken. Niin se on menny yhteen. Ympäröiny kaiken.
Saarna valmis.]

[Grown up, Big barrels. Around the barrel I go.
Around around, around around. Around around. Around I go.]

[So it goes around. Around around. Around surrounds. So it goes around surrounds. So it goes together. So it goes. Surrounds everything. So it has gone together. Surrounds everything. So it has gone together. Surrounds everything.
Sermon complete.]

google translate isn't the best but it gets the point across.

Here the globe is called a barrel. The world is described as a barrel full of water and a old lady taking a bath. The world land is shaped like a person in this barrel.

You find the mouth in the middle east. chest in Africa. nose in India etc. Americas are two shoes floating about. Scandinavia is one arm. japan is a wreath of flowers above the head.

Sudan is the heart, Sudän literally means heart in finnish.

[Kamikaze]

And some calculations I got:

Hyväinen aika. Hyväinen aika. 

E on rikki mennyt.
Laske(elma) Emc^2 on rikki mennyt.
Laskelma on rikki mennyt.

E on valmis. Se pitää vain panna oikein.
Ämmä käänetään kaiken puolen, siinä on se laskelma.
Vanha ÄMMÄ on ÄWWÄ.

E on kolme kans kuin kääntää sen.[3]

W pitää laskea alas mitä se on. Siinä on summa mitä lämpö on.
Lämpö sinä lasketaan.

W= 2/Lämpötila*2(1/2*3*4*5*6*7*8*9*10)
Lämpötila on yksi kerta kaksi kerta kolme jakaa kaksi joka on yhteen menny.
(1*2*3)/1 Mikä on kaksi mikä on yksi.

Laskelma on siinä. Se otetaan vain pois summasta.
Sinä se rikki laskelma on.

Unohtanut poista summan laskelmasta.

Vanha ämmä unohdettu.

Kahden laskelma.
Toinen laskelma.

Fmc^2


F-2*3*343*2*3-323


Kolmas laskelma (kahden asten laskelma)

summa kaksikolmeneljävisi-yhdeenkahden.kolmen12345678910-12345kolmen

Neljäs laskelma (toinen laskelma)

kaksi-yhdeenkaikki5531kaksi-yhdeen43kaksi-yhdeen.

Nollan laskelma

Kolmeosakahdenyhteen

(viites laskelma)
Kaikki mene yhteenkolmen


----


Sirrut ei sa olla ulkopoulella laskelmissa. kaiki mene yhteenkolmen aikaan myöten.
Sirrut ei sa olla mukaana laskelmissa.

Kaiki meni yhteenkolmen aikaan myöten.

Quattrains laskelmat.

Yhteenkymenen jälkeen ei lasketta enään. Laskelma loppu. 
Yhteenkymenen saka kaiki loppu.

It's untranslatable but was fun to get written down if someone can make heads or tails about how to use it.

Edit: rather than [quatrains], it's [Quaternions]. The word I was looking for.
This wasn't meant to be poetry.

[Kamikaze]

Concerning content I deleted was about [Evankieli], (gospel language). There was some important revelations with it with regard to that you can find some [evankieli] embeded in the Finnish language.
Like you can find remnants of it piecemeal integrated into it that is [evankieli].

[Evankieli] is a important language that comes from the ancient past and was a language which would elevate your brain activity.
You can find some [evankieli] sentences in the Finnish language still today.
It doesn't have anything to do with the current church or Evangelist teachings.
[Evankieli] is like the language of the elves.
It's made as such that it should spark brain activity, make you think and ponder on the words you use.
Speaking it would elevate your thinking and make you wiser if I would describe it now afterwards.
It was noted and pointed out I was supposed to write down this stuff but I managed to throw it out with the rest of the writing I had in my 5 day spiel of psychosis.
I would have liked to investigate more into it and learn more about it but have to contend the time went and was lost.
I had a few [saarna] about it that I would have liked to look back at today to see what it said once again.
Just something to keep in mind if this would find itself back to me one day.

Other writing lost was [sakhelin tarina]. translated roughly as (a hell of a story)
I wrote quite a bit on it in my time but threw it out at one point when prompted to do so.

Sakelin, sakhelin homma. Sakhelin tarina. Sakelin tämä tarina. Sakelin Suomen homma. Se on vaikea.

It started with repeating the word [sakelin, sakhelin] a few times over in various forms before telling a story. It had various stories integrated into it that I recall. Sadly I can't reproduce them today. They were interesting stories all in all looking back on what I recall.
I recall the texts started out with the [sakhelin tarina] first time around when I started to hear the voice tell me back stories with my breathing.
These were the first stories I got written down in the episode.

These were collected under the term [Höpö tarina ensin]. (Silly story first)
This was all under the [höpö homma] I was undertaking. (stupid thing)

[höpö tarina toinen] (silly story another)
[Hirvitävä tarina.] (A terrible story.)
Followed after the first stories getting deleted.
I started to write down stories a second time over. But these also got deleted.
Terrible stories were written down. I think I wrote down more this time than the first edition.
All in all I wrote and deleted my content three times before heading off to the hospital.

[Sue (Ayt)]

I worked with a young girl a long time ago who was labeled "schizophrenic." She actually wrote long pages in a totally unknown alphabet. But when she showed me, they appeared to have a distinct language structure, with the symbols repeated and were structured just like words. Plus, she was able to translate her writings to English for me when I asked her. I remain mystified to this day on what this language was, and the brief bits that she translated to me. She drew some pictures and diagrams throughout the writings, too. I even saved a few that she gave me, as I was so intrigued.

I feel that the movie "Touched With Fire" conveys this experience well, if you have never seen it, I highly recommend it.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=Ex7nscQxS30

[Sue (Ayt)]

Here's the young director of that movie, speaking about making this movie. (only 4 1/2 minutes)

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=b99L-KxgBlQ

[Sue (Ayt)]

I hate to intrude too much on this thread, but this more recent, longer, interview of Paul Dalio (the director) is really something!

I never knew anything about the director/producer of that movie until today, when this thread reminded me of the movie, and I wondered who made it.

He goes deeper into his own psychotic episodes and his synopsis at the end is worth hearing. It feels like it ties into the idea of Kundalini awakenings, somehow, although that is never mentioned.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=WBA0Ncs9nnY

[Kamikaze]

What I was doing in general was collecting words with dual meanings and creating sentences with them to tell things in dual meaning.

So much of the text I have left is just rambling words after another that have these dual interpretations and experimenting if I can get a short saying or story out of it.

Doing the dual meaning thing I could arrive at secret clues and history. Revelations about the past and stories long forgotten.

Words could have a different meaning in a different language.
Like I could couple a Finnish word to a Japanese word and use both meanings in writing. Like both languages have the same word in use or very similar words but they mean completely different things in each.
And if you combine the meanings you could get a secret meaning unlocked from the words if put in a sentence.

I would find simple sentences in Finnish like.
[Tämä muna] telling in fact if you link it with Japanese [tama]
saying [egg, egg]twice in row.
[Tämä] means [tama]. Which is the word for a egg. [Tämä muna] -> (this egg -> egg, egg)
And if you took this and created simple sentences with this meaning could encode secret meanings to a story.
I found the Finnish language had several of these simple sayings with two words had one of the words being foreign and one being Finnish but they had different meaning in the foreign language.
And with the foreign language word being used with it's meaning you could unlock a complex understanding of a sentence.

Another example is [kamalla], word meaning (horrible) in the Finnish language.
But what it actually means is [a lotus flower]
[Kamalla kukka] (a horrible flower) actually encodes the meaning of what [kamalla] actually means in finnish and a foreign language.
[kamalla] ->(lotus), [kukka] -> (flower)
So [Kamalla kukka] -> means both (horrible flower) & (Lotus flower)

Another word with dual meaning is [niin], (so) means the number (two) in Japanese.

I would probably collect hundreds of these dual meaning words together, rambling meanings back and forth before getting a story from it.

Without notes it's impossible to recall what each and every word can have dual meaning off. If you aren't actively writing them down you forget words left and right.
And with time you forget what you found if you didn't have notes to rely on.

this is why I'm so dismayed I deleted my writing. I have to rediscover the meanings and the stories they told.

I wrote a few joke stories with these dual meanings before I started to hear the voice.
I had collected quite a bit of content before I received my writing by voice.

A sample of words I would collect.

Behistun --> Vehistön
Surrus --> "Cyrus" 
Kamalla --> se on kukka. (lotus)
"Cyrus the great" ---> Surrus on iso. ~500BC
Mekko ---> Mekka
Meetinä --> Medina
Sana on Sana (yemen)
Oman on (Oman)
Eritellä --> Eritrea.
Sydän ---> Sudan
Niile --> Nile (joki)
Kalin ---> "Kali"

jutellme --> You tell me
ensin --> Ensin (a leader)
Opit --> Opit (iran/Iraq)
tallenta --> Talent (gold coin)

Ziggurat --> sikkurat	(babylon)
mali (country) --> maali (goal, paint)
Teotos --> Tieto

One of the interesting things to note was I discovered [Helvettii/helveti] the word for (hell) is an actual place. It's a country, location in Switzerland. 50BC-300AD.
So when you tell someone to go to hell, they should be going to Switzerland.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helvetii

just collecting words for a repertoire took it's time.
Experimenting with the words as well took even more time.

[Kamikaze]

a short story that was dictated down.

[kylmä vesi] (cold water)

[Hirvitävän kylmä vesi]

[Ämmä oli kylmä. Se oli hirvitävän kylmä se ämmä.
Se otti vedet ja heitti ne meidän päälle. 
Kylmä se ämmä. Se oli hirvitävän kylmä se ämmä.
Vedet heitti meidän päälle.
Sinä me leikimme. Se otti ne kylmät vedet ja heitti ne päälle.
Se oli hirvitävän kylmä se vesi. Eikö leiki saanut tehdä.
Ämmä oli kylmä. 

Se oli kylmä se käsi. 
Se otti ämpärinnen vettä ja heitti ne päälle.
Ne oli kylmät vedet.
Ympärillen vettä heitti päälle.
Ympärinnen vettä heitti päälle.

Ympäri, ympäröi, ympärin, Ympärri kaiken.
Se heitti ne päälle. Se oli kylmä se ämmä. Se heitti ne kaiken päälle.
Kylmä vetä kaiken päälle.
Se heittä vedet meidän päälle.
Se on heittäny vetä meidän päälle.
Se on heittäny kaiki vedet meidän päälle.

Se on kastellu kaiken.]

[Terribly cold water]

[The mother was cold. It was terribly cold, that mother.
It took the water and threw it on us. 
Cold, that mother. It was terribly cold, that mother.
It threw the water on us.
We played with you. It took the cold water and threw it on us.
It was terribly cold, that water. Shouldn't we play?
The mother was cold. 

It was cold, that hand. 
It took a bucket of water and threw it on us.
It was cold water.
It threw water all around.
It threw water all around.
Around, around, around, Surround everything.
It threw it on us. It was cold, that mother. It threw it on everything.
Cold water on everything.
It throws water on us.
It has thrown water on us.
It has thrown all the waters upon us.

It has watered(baptized) everything(everyone).]

And another story ending I took down:

[Jesuksen tarinna loppu tähän. Se on loppunnut se jesuksen tarinna]
[Se on loppunnut kuin on heittäny vettä meidän päälle]
[Se on heittäny vettä suomalisen päälle.
Hyväinnen aika on loppunnut sihen. Hyväinnen aika loppui.]
[Jesuksen tarinna on loppunnut sihen. Loppui nytt]
[Perkelen tarinna on jesuksen tarinna]

[Se on kastellu heidä.]
[Se on heittäny vettä heidän päälle.]
[Tässä on kastettu sinut.]
[Sä olet löytännyt minun tarinnan sieltä.]
[Jesuksen tarinna on toisen tarinna.]
[Jesuksen tarinna loppu nytt.]
[Jesuksen tarinna on loppunnut nytt.]

[The story of Jesus ends here. It has ended, the story of Jesus]
[It has ended as if water has been thrown on us]
[It has thrown water on the Finnish.
The time of goodness has ended there. The time of goodness has ended.]
[The story of Jesus has ended there. It ends now]
[The story of the devil is the story of Jesus]

[They have been watered(baptised).]
[They have been watered on them.]
[You have been baptized here.]
[You have found my story there.]
[The story of Jesus is someone else's story.]
[The story of Jesus ends now.]
[The story of Jesus has ended now.]

[Hirvitävän kylmä vesi]

[Hirvitävän kylmä vesi ollut.] [Talven jäänyt.]
[kaiki vedet jääny, kaiki vedet jääsä.]
(Toisen tarina.)

[Terribly cold water]

[Terribly cold water was.] [Winter froze.]
[All the waters froze, all the waters froze.]
(Another story.)

I would receive stories like this time to time. I wrote down many but these are the few that are left.

One more:

[Turha]

Oikea tarina alka nytten.
 
Ensi tarina on oikein menny.
Tässä on se tarina muile.


Turha työ on alkanut. Turha työ alka. Turhan on tehnyt työtä.

Kitillä on vanha nimi katilalle. Se on pohjan meri nytten.
Katilla se on. Pohjan meri so on nytten. Katilla oli vähitellen kuin meri oli pieni.
Nytt se on täynä se katilla, kittilä sen vanhat käytettävät nimet. Se on pohjanmeri nytten.

Ympäri, ympäröi kaiken. Siellä oli saari siellä kesken. Siellä saares me asuimme.
Se on veden alle jäänytt. Se katilla on täynä nytten. Pohjanmeren alle jäänytt.

Kalastus paika se oli ennen, katilasta hajimme rouka. Se oli täynä rouka, kuin se oli pieni. Katilla oli pieni.

Katilla tyhjenetiin. Katilas rouka loppui. Kalastus meni loppun. Ei ollut rouka siellä ennän. Katilla oli lian pieni. Sen isonetaan. Iso pitää olla. Lyhyt aika kesti ennen kuin se oli täynnä. Siten ottetiin kaiki yhdes. Kaiki loppui. Piti uuten täyttää. Sitten loppui vimeinen kerran. Se loppui se kalastus.

Kalastus sai olla. Mentiin mualle. Siellä ei ollut rouka. Vimeinnen kerran mentin kalastamaan. Ei ollut rouka vieläkään. Mentiin mualle uudestaan.

Ilman muuten mentiin mualle.

(Turhan ensi kappale on valmis, toinen saa jatka million se tule ylös. Ensi kappale kerto vanhan tapahtumaan.)

The real story begins now.

The first story has gone well.
Here is the story for the others.

Useless work has begun. Useless work has begun. Useless work has been done.

The pot has an old name for the pot. It is the North Sea now.
It is the pot. The North Sea is now. The pot was gradually like a small sea.
Now it is full of it, the pot has its old names. It is the North Sea now.

Around, surrounding everything. There was an island there in the middle. There on the island we lived.
It's under water. That cauldron is full now. Under the North Sea.

It used to be a fishing spot, we used to catch fish from the pot. It was full of fish, like it was small. The pot was small.

The pot was emptied. The pot ran out of bait. The fishing was over. There wasn't any bait there before. The pot was small. It had to be big. It took a short time before it was full. So they took it all at once. It ran out of bait. They had to fill it again. Then it ran out for the last time. That was the end of the fishing.

The fishing was ended. We went somewhere else. There was no fish there. The last time I went fishing. There was still no fish. We went somewhere else again.

Otherwise we went somewhere else.

(The first chapter is useless, the second one can continue until it comes up. The first chapter tells the story of the old one.)

[Kamikaze]

[Mulla mullah]

Mulla mullah, sulla mullah. Kaikille on mullat. Kuraani kuin päästi suusta.
Kaiki mulla. Sulla on kohta kuraani suusa. Kuraani suusa mulla. Mitä mullat. Kuin kuraani päästä suusta.
Mullatko päästä suusta. Että on kuraani pästäny suusta. Ei voi louja tämä kuraani homma.
Kirkokki ihmettä miksi on likainen suusta. Kuraani kuin on suusa. Mullah on suusa. Kaiki näytä suunsa. Kuraani kuin lentä suusta. Ei kirko voi auta heitä joka mullah piettä suusa, kuraani kuin pästi suusta. Tämä on mullah homma, tämä kuraani homma, kuin päästä sitä suusta.

Että ollan likainen suusta, se oli kirkon homma.
Pästäkö kuraani pois suusta että sa kuula mitä oli sanomassa. Kuraani kuin peittä suunsa.
Touha siinä oli kirkon kans kuin huomaa.

This one is hard to translate as it's using the dual meaning of words and play on words.

[mulla, mullah] can mean both [me, dirt & mullah & to ponder]
[kuurani] can mean both [mud/dirt & the Quran] depending on your pronunciation. The words are vocally the same.

At first glance it's telling a story about someone who has put dirt in it's mouth and is spewing out mud from it and the church can't help him.
At another pass it's telling a story about a mullah talking about sharing the Quran from it's mouth.

(I have dirt)

I have dirt, you have dirt. Everyone has dirt. Mud I spew from my mouth.
Everyone ponders. Soon you have mud in your mouth. The mud turns in your mouth. What are you pondering. As the mud spews from your mouth.
Do you release the dirt from your mouth. That the mud has escaped from the mouth. My god this mud thing.
The church also wonders why I'm dirty from my mouth. As I keep mud in my mouth. Dirt in my mouth.
Everyone shows your mouth. As the mud spews from your mouth. The church can't help them who keep mud in their mouths, as mud flew from the mouth. This is a dirty thing, this mud thing, as you release it from your mouth.

That I was dirty from the mouth, that was the church's thing.
Let the dirt out of your mouth so you can hear what they are saying. The mud is covering your mouth.
As you can see, there was a lot of excitement with the church.

[Mulla mullah, sulla mullah.] --> [I have dirt, you have dirt.]
Can also be translated as [Mullah ponders, with his mouth he turns]

[Kaikille on mullat. Kuraani kuin päästi suusta.] --> [Everyone has dirt. Mud I spew from my mouth.]
Can be said as following [Everyone has a mullah. The Quran you let out from your mouth.]

[Sulla on kohta kuraani suusa. Kuraani suusa mulla.] --> [ Soon you have mud in your mouth. The mud turns in your mouth.]
can say [You have soon the Quran in your mouth. The Quran turns in your mouth.]

As you can see you get to ponder on the words when you say them as vocally you get dual meaning from them. Google translate just doesn't work out to give both meanings and it spits out the following.

I have a mullah, you have a mullah. Everyone has mullahs. The Quran just came out of their mouths.
Everyone has mullahs. You will soon have the Quran in your mouth. The Quran in my mouth. What mullahs. Like the Quran coming out of your mouth.
Do you want the Quran to come out of your mouth? That the Quran has come out of your mouth. You can't fix this Quran thing.
The church wonders why it's dirty from its mouth. The Quran is like it's in its mouth. The mullah is in its mouth. Everyone shows its mouth. The Quran is like flying from its mouth. The church can't help them, every mullah keeps it in their mouth, the Quran is like it came out of its mouth. This is the mullah's job, this Quran's job, like getting it out of its mouth.

That I'm dirty from my mouth, that was the church's job.
Let the Quran out of your mouth so you can hear what he was saying. The Quran is like covering its mouth.
The church was in a mess as you can see.

You could get texts like this when you experiment with the words and their meanings.
This is one of my originals that I wrote myself without the help of my psychosis.
Though I did receive a hint/command to save this one for later.