Conclusion from my past year

[spearcarrier]

What happened to me last year was movie grade crazy, and some day I'll write it in a book and it will be a bestseller. I've talked about it again and again in various places. I'm not here to rehash it.

I just really need to say: humans are not mud.

This is an important thing I got from what happened to me last year. And although I'm still dealing with some archon-type things (and was reprimanded a long time for not being humble enough by my teacher last night), I know this is a hill I will die on. Humans are not mud.

We are different; that doesn't make us weak. It doesn't make us less. It doesn't make us bad. It doesn't make us any number of words and phrases taught to our ancestors by things that came from on high to encourage to stand less in the world and walk away from the rightful balance of the cosmos. This is a hill I will ***** die on. We are not mud.

If our home is our castle and they have their castle, they are not our lords and masters. They are not "above" us, nor are some "below" us. We're just different tribes that meet and sometimes work together.

In one breath I was told to be reverent and subservient, and while I did this because omigosh the "gods" were real, those same "gods" ate me alive. They actively blind you and ground you, and the spiritual community tells you it's just a 'shamanic crisis' or 'ego death' while you're actively being harvested. Or they say nothing at all while they themselves jump in like scavengers, so you have to figure it out for yourself with no idea where to begin looking.

In the other breath I was told to stand tall and be strong. I went to I don't know how many people for help and was pushed away by all walks of life: professional, spiritual--people who should have been in the know. I've literally been isolated for over a year now. "Ask the spirits what to do" and when you do, you get silence or gaslighting. Last night the reprimand and threat of contact cut was, essentially, that I don't honor the spirits properly and if I don't change my "posture" I can forget it. Victim blaming is all I can call some of it, because I was also told that the reason why all of that happened to me was because I wasn't humble enough and the universe was smacking me down.

When I walked into a spirit's hall and he yelled at me (rightfully so) for my rude interruption, I learned, adapted, and tried to be more respectful.
When I was lovebombed, I tried to learn more about my lovebomber's culture and the thing I had been brought into -- which is pretty respectful for the record.
There are other events.

Humans are not mud.

To survive I was forced to stop being reverent, to stand on my two feet, and look the monsters in the eye. I was forced beyond my personal belief system, forced to flex muscles I'd rather not because in the cosmos I prefer to be small and left alone - which is the way of the type of shamanism I'm learning. I prefer what my teacher says is the right way, but because I was forced to fight I'm a bad person.

But what I learned in the past year is the gods aren't gods. And when it comes to the spirits, I've a lifetime of being around things. Interactions. Since I was small. So suddenly I must adopt that humans are mud, that I must go against what I was taught by the spirits themselves.

But I'm captured to the farm. They literally lassoed my foot when I was standing by Saturn just to enjoy the view. I look at my life and I compare the sudden shift, and I see it for what it is.

So I just have to say it. Humans are not mud. We are not even baked clay. We're sentient. That's what matters most.

[petra]

When I was in contact with... something it called me a "speck" but in a funny surprised way
It is my belief that somewhere out there, humans are being regarded more than just specks lol

Another one called me a "grain"

[spearcarrier]

Posted by petra (here)
When I was in contact with... something it called me a "speck" but in a funny surprised way
It is my belief that somewhere out there, humans are being regarded more than just specks lol

Another one called me a "grain"

Yeah. Speck as in nothing, grain as in sand but more than likely probably rice. Because tasty.

Yeeaaah... and to be "small" is a major insult. When I first started traveling for serious, I hit that and I was confused... and annoyed... the "small" slur applies to more than humans. Those that consider themselves large detest the small. It's quite the racist/social divide out there, just as here.

But I've always been taught to stand big. I just don't like to. But sometimes you absolutely have to.

[petra]

"Go big or go home" ha ha
We are definitely bigger than we think!

For me it felt like a big joke

Something asked me "what do you think you are?"

I replied "I think I'm only little" but I had an ulterior motive. I wanted my interrogator to think I was stupid and it worked

[spearcarrier]

In the tradition I'm clearly failing at, this is how you present yourself: I am but a small speck, please do not harm me. But that doesn't mean you can't defend yourself. That's what I was told in the beginning. The goal posts moved, but that's how it began for me. But I've always tried to be respectful, to not take up too much space, to simply go about my business. But one thing I learned over the years: if you stand and say nothing, just stare "vacantly" and remember what you saw, the jerks start taking you as a bit of furniture. And that's also convenient and handy.

[petra]

Well... don't be so quick to consider yourself a speck... I was under the impression that I was dangerous

Maybe not the same for everyone but thinking you might be dangerous is pretty scary

I couldn't even answer the "what am I" question. For a while I thought I was a program, and now I'm just really skeptical in general. I stopped thinking about what I am because I don't think it's important anymore

Sure I'm a human but that's only now, and this is only temporary

[spearcarrier]

No I don't consider myself a speck. I LIKE to keep small, but that's just because it's my preferred mode of being. It's not because I'm insignificant.

To have an ego, though, and start telling myself that I'm special is a trap. That's how they keep you trapped.

[petra]

Posted by spearcarrier (here)
No I don't consider myself a speck. I LIKE to keep small, but that's just because it's my preferred mode of being. It's not because I'm insignificant.

To have an ego, though, and start telling myself that I'm special is a trap. That's how they keep you trapped.

Yes!! There was a time I felt something trying to convince me I was God
I wasn't falling for it
The more benevolent ones described me as a "power source" and that's when I got worried about being used as a weapon
For me, it felt like I got "hacked into" like some kind of program

[spearcarrier]

That's a logical fear, but "power source" could have meant a lot of things. I was told I was a "battery" ages ago. Now I know. What do we do with batteries?
Yeah.. *** those wannabe overlords.

[petra]

Ha ha. I was not even able to think the F word for a while. It would just come out like.... Fuhhh

[Denise/Dizi]

You may have Petra. (about a "program"...) and Spear carrier... you both seem to be experiencing something I have as well...

You mentioned something I say alot about my own "Experiences".... The I AM... Something outside of us is either using mental abilities, or remote neural engagement to have us define ourselves and to figure out who we are as individuals. Whether it is a program designed to weed out the "chaff" from the potential "useful", entities remotely doing it, or an Ai trying to do something along those lines? I cannot debate that this is happening to many... And has been for at least the last 12 years that I am aware of... as I have had my own encounters with what your describing .

In my case I spent 6 months of engaging this phenomenon... directly linked the entire time with "It / Them"... It was life altering. Not in that it caused me grief ever since, but because I had to really look inside myself during that time to actually determine who I really was... It was a real growth experience for me, and as a positive result, I dropped all recognizable pettiness I once thought was important. I realized regardless of what others think, such as wealth placing someone higher on the chain of life, in as much as power or authority, etc... We're all just us, where we sit...

And while the term MUD was never used... That exercise showed me we are pretty damn remarkable as far as our gifts and abilities, it is just how we choose to use them. I hope that you both get something good from what you are experiencing... and never let anyone convince you that you are any "more than" or "less than" those beside you... So many feel they are better than, which creates a "Less than" group... We're just all different. Some got a better vehicle to drive in this life, some got damaged vehicles.. Some lost hope or fell into self indulgence to the point they are no longer capable of even taking care of themselves... While some have the inner strength of a bull..

Regardless of where you sit on that line? Ultimately only you can judge you, or at least that is the only judgement that matters... And only you can change if you see a good reason to.. The most beautiful part of being a human is we can judge ourselves, and change what we do not like, after carefully examining who we have been...

[Victoria]

Hi Spearcarrier!

It sounds like recording your full experience will be an adventure in itself.

This part of spiritual evolution, regarding overcoming, or bypassing the ego, which I have read about in many people's experiences always trips me up. I cannot seem to wrap my mind around it being necessary or healthy, except in the most extreme human cases of psychopathy and narcissism.

If we, as a species, are like small children in our comprehension and growth, then how would diminishing our sense of self, thought, size and worth allow us to expand?

If a person tells another, or any injured, weakened or depressed individual they are nothing, they are insignificant; that nobody cares for them, then the outcome will likely be watching them suffer, doubt, become the negativity, weaken further and wither away. It is kicking them when they are already down.

Tell a child repeatedly that they are tiny and insignificant and they will be a fraction of who they could have been, constantly seeking others' approval for their actions and presence.

Tell a dog he's nothing, any animal or plant, or being, the same- and they will shrink in proportion, health and ability. The person telling them becomes more negative and abusive and the body and mind on the receiving end process that negative energy as being unwanted, discarded, abused. It festers. To me, it only creates power imbalance and an energy usurping scenario.

However, tell an animal, plant or person they are wonderful, they are beautiful, they are special, they are loved- they and their cells can do ANYTHING- and they will bridge the gaps and challenges with strength, effort and intention, to grow and heal in leaps and bounds. They will radiate the same love and support outward. They will overcome by lengths that might have appeared to be impossible.

So, how can it possibly be good for humans - or anyone else- to be repeatedly shown we are merely a speck in an already frightening or personally self-attenuating experience? It goes against all creation and growth, the expanding potential of life itself.

As a species, would that not just be targeted negativity and diminishment of our human essence and capability, compounded? and why? unless only to subdue and predate? No, we are not just mud! Life IS special. Maybe I miss the lesson here, but it makes me unhappy every time...I don't want anyone to be subjected to that state in this life or any other reality.

[petra]

My brother is schizophrenic and the voices would tell him he's doomed and going to Hell
I don't believe in that kind of Hell, in my mind Hell is what you make it and people make their own custom Hell by falling for the tricks. I was there for a while... I'm only free by the grace of God