The Inheritance of Belief: Salvaging What Matters & Not Drowning in What Follows

[David_K]

The Inheritance of Belief:
Salvaging What Matters
Not Drowning in What Follows

INTRO
As is typical of me, I've deliberately chosen to write from my own experience and, this time, I'm being especially careful not to overuse inclusive language That isn't intended to create distance. If anything, it's an attempt to leave more room for those reading.

This entry explores the inheritance of belief, what I've received, what I've carried and continue to carry, and what I've spent years trying to salvage.

The truth is, I'm torn. Some of the darker truths I've encountered have also proven to be among the most valuable. At the same time, I don't want the pursuit of those truths to diminish my appreciation for beauty, kindness, or the quieter moments that make life worth living.

There is still a part of me that wants to stop sharing. More than fear, perhaps, it's the weight of expectation and the peer pressure that so often basks in a light I've increasingly come to question.

Even so, I can't allow the tensions, rifts, and isolation that often follow when speaking honestly about those experiences to keep me silent.

================================

A LONG TIME AGO: Left to right:
Me with my arm around my brother (RIP), whose hand rests on my eldest son's shoulder. Then my youngest son and two daughters.


Peeling Back the Layers

My experience has shown me that faith is rarely something people simply abandon, despite how it is often described. More often than not, that journey is shaped by rejection, making it a long and painful one.

I've peeled back many layers, yet I don't think I'll ever truly "leave." Mostly because I've had genuine experiences that go beyond the emotional ones. I'd also add that whenever I pretend I can undo what's been done or unsee what's been seen, I find myself slipping back into the very patterns that once kept me blind. I can only fathom that this is why such a realization has taken me a lifetime.

The closer I get to the core, the easier it becomes to accept... what I've always known. Yet there are many forces that do not want me to make such a discovery, from the influences I can recognise to those I may never come to know, some of which may seek to deceive.

This has made redefining how I evaluate the underlying mechanisms dressed in different language, symbols, and narratives, regardless of where I find myself, all the more crucial. It has also led me to become increasingly cautious of systems of belief, New Age trends, rebranded concepts, and the many ways they may appeal to vulnerability during periods of uncertainty and transition.

Over time, I've found myself paying closer attention to how narratives are constructed. I've noticed recurring appeals to belonging, certainty, exclusivity, urgency, identity, and shared purpose. I've also noticed narratives that first explain an experience, then seek to shape the emotional response to it before presenting their solution. None of these patterns, by themselves, determine whether something is true or false, but I now find them just as worthy of examination as the conclusions themselves.

That shift in perspective has encouraged me to place less trust in ready-made answers and more trust in the process of honest observation, reflection, and discernment. Whatever conclusions I eventually reach, I'd rather they arise through genuine inquiry than through someone else's need to define my experiences for me.

It's been a long time since I've wanted to tackle all that has influenced me.

As I was writing this first reflection, I found myself unexpectedly revisiting far more than I'd anticipated. Rather than forcing those memories into a neat narrative, I've decided to let them sit for now.

Looking back, I realise I was shaped by many different influences. Some stayed with me, some quietly faded away, others took years to untangle, and a few still leave me asking questions.

I'll leave the following as a roadmap rather than as conclusions. Over time, I'll return to many of these individually, exploring what they meant to me, how they influenced my thinking, and why some remained while others eventually fell away.

=======================

Roadmap
Topics & Influences Yet to Explore

(Not in chronological order)

Jewish heritage and family traditions:

Mum's Jewish background
Menorah
Traditional Jewish friends
Visits and family memories

Zionist influences

Early exposure
Kibbutz [Almost... Thank the stars I did not!]
My sister's influence
Looking back with adult eyes

Evangelical Christianity

Assembly of God
The Jesus Movement
Public preaching
Revival meetings
White tents
Television cameras
Emotional atmosphere

Tribulation doctrine

Fear of the end times
Head-chopping films
Anxiety as a child
Waiting for parents to return
Pastoral counselling

My parents

Mum's preparations
Food storage
Fear culture
Purchasing Land in The Hills [Running to The Hills]
Dad [Step Dad] leaving the psychiatric hospital-
-Influence of the church over family life
Reading News Papers Band as too Going to Movies and What type of Jobs held

Childhood experiences

Street preaching -
Babysitting programs -
-Being beaten by strangers
• Church-run billeting and respite programs
- Parents taking a break
- Children placed with other families
- Whether financial incentives influenced the cult-system.
- My experiences and reflections - it was repetitive...

* Lead to:
Government children's home
Abuse and manipulation - Connect to Church - Orthodox & Xevangelical

Moving Towns:
Evangelical community To -
- Traditional Anglican community

People's reactions [moving from city to small town people talking]
I could not keep secrets and revealed to much by way of my nature... [ostracized by entire family for this trait - brother later apologized for it before he ended his life]

Teachers and neighbours - Parents embarresed.

Learning to question narratives... evolved naturally with my inherent traits.

Fear
Belonging
Exclusivity - Manufactured longing ← inclusive language methodology→ Reverse Pyschology
Certainty
Emotional conditioning
Authority

New Age influences

Similar patterns
Different language
Same mechanisms?
Group identity
Special knowledge
Emotional experiences
Online communities

Psychology of belief - The Method... As above - So Below

Music
Atmosphere
Crowd energy
Emotional reinforcement
Social pressure
Identity

My wife — My Angel. Although demonic when she wants to be.

Helping me detach
Breaking the Chains
Beginning again

Salvaging what remains

What stayed
What fell away
What still feels true
What I continue to question

Genuine experiences

Experiences beyond emotion - Spiritual or Clinical?
Things I cannot simply dismiss...
Living with uncertainty...
_________________________________________

This will make sense as it connects to modern-day interpretations, while also offering another side to the Netflix version of the Jesus Movement.

Systematic coercion, medication, and personal identification can make such things hard to explore. That said, I no longer medicate and for a many years now have been working on identification issues through the likes of names I'll likely drop later, with a disclaimer on people-worshipping and the intellectual masturbation we are all prone to — as that relates to both Zen and Woo Woo. Just having a bit of fun there before logging off.

[rgray222]

Hi David, if I haven't properly welcomed you yet, let me do that now. Also, my thoughts are with you for what you have endured, especially the loss of your brother.

It's clear that your personal journey has been shaped by strong influences, including evangelical Christianity, your heritage, and early exposure to New Age ideas. I’ve noticed that you haven’t used the word "cult," but you have described many manipulative and controlling tactics often associated with cults. The emotional manipulation and fear of going against the authority figures must have been overwhelming. It appears that people took their highly emotional religious conviction and tried to instill them as your core beliefs before you even had a chance to understand how life worked.

Interestingly, what you're doing is what many others are doing: questioning the truth, but your life circumstances have led you to approach this from a different perspective. Your beliefs and "truths" were likely imposed on you during a very impressionable period, and now you are dedicated to peeling back those layers to discover what is genuinely true. The problem is that the truth is often dispersed among a lot of convincing untruths. This can make the effort confusing and time-consuming.

It appears that your process is well underway to examine those beliefs through observation, reflection, and most importantly, critical thinking. This is a common path for many of us, seeking truth through evidence-based inquiry, personal experience, and analysis. Despite coming from entirely different realities, it seems that many of us are ultimately heading in the same direction.

The truth is something I have been reflecting on deeply over the past two years. I am often struck by how little truth exists in the world today. It does not always come from government, the media, education or even from our health care. The reality is we deceive ourselves the most; we can be faced with the most obvious and blatant truth, and we often refuse to believe its authenticity. This self-deception is a way to maintain a sense of comfort, security, and even political identity, which has become closely intertwined with our personal sense of self. Confronting uncomfortable truths or challenging long-held beliefs can be very difficult, and to avoid this discomfort, many people seek out the stories and ideas they want to hear to reinforce their long-held beliefs, no matter how wrong they may be. This denial helps remove fear, uncertainty, and vulnerability from their lives. Like the stock market, it values stability over truth; that is precisely why it has to go through painful self-corrections from time to time. When we lie to ourselves, it creates a distorted view of reality, leading to arguments rather than meaningful discussion. Over time, people can become so closed-minded and emotionally reactive that it becomes obvious they are trapped in some form of self-deception, leaving no space for growth or adaptation. I have often abandoned discussion because someone's belief is so strong and they are so emotionally attached to it that discussion becomes impossible. When emotion overrides reasons it is time to walk away.

My apologies for getting on the truth soapbox, and I wish you well in your effort to heal old wounds while attempting to find the truth.

[Ewan]

I'm enjoying your thread David it comes across as very genuine, also, it has brought back memories of my own journey.

[Ewan]

Posted by David_K (here)
Hi Ewan,

Thank you very much. I really appreciate the encouragement.

If you don't mind me asking, did your experiences take place in Ireland, or perhaps another country?

No pressure to answer if it's too personal. I'm just genuinely interested, as it's brought back memories of your own journey.

I hope you're keeping well, and thanks again for taking the time to read and comment.

Edit: On reflection, I realise your comment may simply have been referring to news reports or perhaps another aspect of your journey. I also appreciate I'm asking a deeply personal question, so please don't feel any pressure to answer. Thanks again.

My experiences happened throughout the course of my life. I was quite well traveled in comparison to most. I'd seen life in many different countries, it became clear that life was the same for everyone regardless of race, creed or culture. We all shared the same basic concerns.

I really began to delve into spirituality, I found aspects of it incredibly seductive even. I almost joined a Hare Krishna group in Australia when I was mid-twenties. Something held me back. Years later I met a lady in England who told me she often talked with Jesus - I thought she had to be a nut! Then one day she said to me 'You came very close to being touched by an Eastern Religion, Jesus just told me.' Well! How am I supposed to dismiss that information as if it was nonsense. I came to the conclusion there was something to all this spirituality - all our earthly concerns seemed to pale by comparison with this realisation.

I ended up in Thailand some 10 years later and had a whole bunch of experiences there. To this day I believe I was far more receptive to spiritual influence in the east than I ever was in the west. I cannot list every event and experience in one short post, it would be more like a short story. If you want to consider the following that might be enough for now.

I came to the conclusion that nothing I believed to be true may be true at all, and worse, I had a personal hand in creating my own belief system. Ponder on that for a while.

[Sue (Ayt)]

Your story is getting exciting! Looking forward to the next chapter.

[noxon medem]

thank you for sharing your history and personal journey
we can all be your therapeut for now, and mirror our selves
in the process, all with complex own luggage and longing
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a man you described like you "believed he was Jesus"
the setting for your projection into this was perfect ...
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maybe Jesus never went up and away, or joined a sect
he stayed quietly behind, doing good carpentry and
talking to whomever passed by. Patiently waiting for
humanity to wake up and come around, together
-

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all well for your life
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