In the thrall of the funny- an ongoing joke thread

[Squareinthecircle]

Please all take part. I looked and found nothing like this. From side splitters to mild chortles, all are welcome.


My friend Hilario has no sense of humor. It's not funny.


Does anyone else read their fortune in the urine foam?

[Sue (Ayt)]

Laughter is the best medicine, or say they say.
I believe it!

[Johnnycomelately]

OK, I’ll try out AI for this challenge. I somehow feel targeted by this, and when that happens, my native humour abandons me.

ChatGPT’s response:

Here are five gentle jokes about TIs (self-described Targeted Individuals), aiming for humor that feels relatable rather than dismissive or judgmental.


1. The Sleep Schedule

A TI decides to get a full eight hours of sleep. They turn off their phone, close the curtains, and settle in.
Their brain says, “Great. Now that everything’s quiet, shall we review every unusual thing that happened since 2017?”


2. The Detective

A TI watches a detective show and says, “I like this guy. He notices details, considers possibilities, and keeps an open mind.”
Their friend asks, “Does he ever jump to conclusions?”
“Not before the commercial break.”


3. Technology Troubles

A TI's phone freezes for ten seconds.
They sigh, restart it, and say, “I don't know what's going on, but I do know one thing: technology needs a holiday more than I do.”


4. The Coffee Shop

A TI walks into a café and orders a coffee. The barista asks, “Anything else?”
“Yes, please. A quiet corner, a comfortable chair, and a world where everyone minds their own business.”
“Small, medium, or large?”
“I'll take the extra-large.”


5. The Plot Twist

Two TIs are discussing a particularly strange day. One says, “Sometimes I wish life came with subtitles.”
The other replies, “I'd settle for footnotes.”
“Footnotes?”
“Yes. Just something that explains what's happening without making me spend three hours trying to figure it out.”

[Squareinthecircle]

Posted by Johnnycomelately (here)
OK, I’ll try out AI for this challenge. I somehow feel targeted by this, and when that happens, my native humour abandons me.

ChatGPT’s response:

Here are five gentle jokes about TIs (self-described Targeted Individuals), aiming for humor that feels relatable rather than dismissive or judgmental.


1. The Sleep Schedule

A TI decides to get a full eight hours of sleep. They turn off their phone, close the curtains, and settle in.
Their brain says, “Great. Now that everything’s quiet, shall we review every unusual thing that happened since 2017?”


2. The Detective

A TI watches a detective show and says, “I like this guy. He notices details, considers possibilities, and keeps an open mind.”
Their friend asks, “Does he ever jump to conclusions?”
“Not before the commercial break.”


3. Technology Troubles

A TI's phone freezes for ten seconds.
They sigh, restart it, and say, “I don't know what's going on, but I do know one thing: technology needs a holiday more than I do.”


4. The Coffee Shop

A TI walks into a café and orders a coffee. The barista asks, “Anything else?”
“Yes, please. A quiet corner, a comfortable chair, and a world where everyone minds their own business.”
“Small, medium, or large?”
“I'll take the extra-large.”


5. The Plot Twist

Two TIs are discussing a particularly strange day. One says, “Sometimes I wish life came with subtitles.”
The other replies, “I'd settle for footnotes.”
“Footnotes?”
“Yes. Just something that explains what's happening without making me spend three hours trying to figure it out.”

One good turn deserves another eh?

ChatGPT:

Let’s aim the satire at the program’s bureaucracy and incompetence:

- The surveillance department knows everything about me except how to unsubscribe from my newsletter.

- The program offered me a handler. I asked for a competent one. They said that would require a transfer to another program.

- My handler requested a performance review. I gave him one star. Now we’re both being targeted.

- They’ve assembled a psychological profile of me. Apparently I’m difficult, sarcastic, and dissatisfied with customer service. They could’ve just read my Amazon reviews.

- The secret program has a suggestion box. It’s there to identify who still has suggestions.

- Their AI predicted my every move. Unfortunately, so did my arthritis: couch, bathroom, couch.

- They wanted to destroy my productivity. I told them the publishing platforms already have that contract.

I like these two:

"- The secret program has a suggestion box. It’s there to identify who still has suggestions.

- Their AI predicted my every move. Unfortunately, so did my arthritis: couch, bathroom, couch."

lol

[petra]

I also resorted to AI but I used Grok. I said I wanted an insensitive joke because I know square is "impenetrable" and I kept trying until one of them made me laugh!

Why do targeted individuals make terrible poker players?
Because no matter how good their hand is, they still swear the dealer, the table, and the security cameras are all in on the conspiracy... HAHAHA

Why don’t psychosis patients ever win at hide and seek?
Because even when they’re “gone,” the voices still tell everyone exactly where they are.

Why did the psychosis patient bring a ladder to the psychiatric ward?
Because the voices told him the medication was on the ceiling… and also that the floor was lava, the walls were watching, and his shadow was plotting against him.

Just to be clear.. I'm the psychosis patient not Square. I'm ok now though.. taking my meds I think I used to be targeted too but not anymore. So I know what it feels like to be "orchestrated against"

[Squareinthecircle]

Posted by petra (here)
I also resorted to AI but I used Grok. I said I wanted an insensitive joke because I know square is "impenetrable" and I kept trying until one of them made me laugh!

Why do targeted individuals make terrible poker players?
Because no matter how good their hand is, they still swear the dealer, the table, and the security cameras are all in on the conspiracy... HAHAHA

Why don’t psychosis patients ever win at hide and seek?
Because even when they’re “gone,” the voices still tell everyone exactly where they are.

Why did the psychosis patient bring a ladder to the psychiatric ward?
Because the voices told him the medication was on the ceiling… and also that the floor was lava, the walls were watching, and his shadow was plotting against him.

Just to be clear.. I'm the psychosis patient!! I'm ok now though.. taking my meds

Awesome. I still like Elon Musk's joke, paraphrased here:

"My roommate says I need to be institutionalized for schizophrenia, but the jokes on him- I don't have a roommate!"

[Bluegreen]

Did you hear about the horse who couldn't sleep?

Too many nightmares.

[Squareinthecircle]

"Sir do you know the location of General Direction sir?!"

"He's over there somewhere."

[Le Chat]

Who invented the letterbox?

Samuel Pepys

[Eddy Fire]

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so I put Novichok on my cornflakes.

[Squareinthecircle]

The Nile- it's not just a refusal to recognize the facts.

[Eddy Fire]

A great line from father Ted,

"Dougal, you shouldn't have got so upset!, when the Bishop asked me where I was when JFK was shot, he wasn't accusing me of anything"

[Mike Gorman]

Posted by Bluegreen (here)
Did you hear about the horse who couldn't sleep?

Too many nightmares.

That one rates as a 'dad joke' ....like the classic Christmas cracker one: what is yellow and very dangerous? shark infested custard...ha ha

[petra]

Posted by Mike Gorman (here)

Posted by Bluegreen (here)
Did you hear about the horse who couldn't sleep?

Too many nightmares.

That one rates as a 'dad joke' ....like the classic Christmas cracker one: what is yellow and very dangerous? shark infested custard...ha ha

I agree. This joke thread is so bad. I've been wanting to contribute child molester jokes but keep biting my tongue. I just can't do it knowing we have children on the forum. It's bad enough the amount of swearing I do.

I looked at a frisbee and wondered.. why does it get bigger as it gets closer? And then it hit me.

My favorite one liner.. forget who said that now. Some comedian.

[Bluegreen]

Posted by Mike Gorman (here)

Posted by Bluegreen (here)
Did you hear about the horse who couldn't sleep?

Too many nightmares.

That one rates as a 'dad joke' ....like the classic Christmas cracker one: what is yellow and very dangerous? shark infested custard...ha ha

Well, I am a dad, so I guess yes that makes it, simply by default, a dad joke.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?

He sold his soul to SANTA.

[Mike Gorman]

Me also a dad and a Grandad, no offense intended, I am also a teller of lame jokes, fear not.