Here and Now...What's Happening?

[astrid]

Problem half solved.
Cordless headphones,
music, no more stress.
Simple.

But have to complete task tomorrow,
push mower not much use,
need to use nasty petrol one.
About to rain, so i got let off the hook this time, lol

[ViralSpiral]

Posted by Calz_Avaretard (here)


Attachment 11320

LOVE IT!!!!




I think my Mother loves me

Why only think?



Another short night behind, with a loooooooong day ahead.
3 hour train trip to Geneva. My favourite trip!

[Guest]

Another cold clear night -stirring the fire.

I have what feels like a detox headache and I am not doing a cleanse of any kind right now. Drinking a lot of water. May be related to the events since last Friday. I feel like I am on fire & total reorganization is going on inside of me. Feel super super sensitive to everything.... also feel like the energy wants to take over -doing my best to go with it. Time for me to get some rest.

Nora

we are all relate

[Carmody]

Found this photo of my home town. This lake is in the middle of the town. There, in the background, is the tower I climbed, high on blotter acid, and meditated as the sun went down. Warm light wind, summer breeze. Acid will increase the connectivity in your neutral complex by an average of 20%. I was in this space, this place, young... and a full life of mystery and unknowns in front of me. A place of desolation, but also of breathtaking beauty. One could walk nearly 500 miles in any direction, and never meet a single person. In some directions, over 4000 miles. knowing me, I was probably thinking of this tune, at the time. I was 16 years old. it was a bizarre combination of being about 140+ years of experience of both conscious and unconscious connection as child - and overlay. My friends shortly afterward had nicknamed me 'the librarian' due to my extensive knowledge. (compared to theirs, for their age). I tend to not, as you may have noticed ...let on my location, and such. I thought you might like this photo. I know I'm grateful for it.

In the lyrics it says,"When I was a child, I had a fever, and my hands felt like two balloons".

Well, I had a fever just like that, where reality kept fading in and out, non stop rushes, for days. That fever broke loose my Kundalini, besides the mediation of the void, the highest form of meditation... that I had accidentally come to, the stilled breathing method. The ones the monks use when they leave a non-decaying corpse. I was 8 years old. Later on, in reading, as I read quite a bit, I found that this was the age that they tended to have the new Dali lama's (or monks, specifically) 'active' themselves (I can't quite remember the context). Always an interesting thing, that. What about that age is connected to such things? What part of development brings that out?

"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone."

I had already, at age 16, spent 3 years as a holy terror tearing down my life, twisting everything, tearing everything down, trying to find that starting point that would bring something new, something like that - back. I was numb. You have to be at the bottom to find the desire, the direction, for the top. Clean slate, I reckoned.

I spent the rest of my life up to the age of 36 trying to get that back, chasing it down, through every kind of stress and pressure I could bring on myself.. And I finally did find it again.

[ulli]

Posted by astrid (here)
last night i was dreaming of eating Peking Duck, lol.

Ok my mission for the day, and this is how silly my social phobia gets at times.
My front "nature strip" as we call it here in Aus, the strip of grass between the foot path
and the road, is 2 ft high. But i'm freaky out about mowing it, Why (And it makes no sense,
as i walk my dogs all the time, so i can leave the house), but it's a "being seen" thing, being exposed.
Which i guess is based in vulnerability, or something, not sure, but whatever it is
it has to go. I had the same issue in my last place, even worse, because all the land was
at the front very showy Victorian garden, but i hardly ever went out there.
Irrational fears, time to say goodbye to them, me thinks.
So i hereby pledging to the village that i will tackle this one today.
Deep breath, first step is see if the mower starts.
I have a push mower, which i love, but that means more time out there.

This is the 12th house thing....nearly everyone I ever did charts for and who has a prominent 12th house or Neptune... already in their childhood had their secret hidey hole places...under a table, in the attic, or tree house...they had to find that sanctuary.
The 9 th is the opposite...they are the street walkers.

[astrid]

Astro update from Tom.....

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=xh8Nv65TxQM

[astrid]

Posted by ulli (here)

This is the 12th house thing....nearly everyone I ever did charts for and who has a prominent 12th house or Neptune... already in their childhood had their secret hidey hole places...under a table, in the attic, or tree house...they had to find that sanctuary.
The 9 th is the opposite...they are the street walkers.

Totally.
Tree houses, in cupboards, under houses, anywhere i could
get some solice.

Once when i went shopping with the family as a child,
large department store type place, i went missing.
I was found asleep curled up in a dog kennel.

I had a habit of going walkabout, i was once a missing person for 4 days.

[ulli]

Posted by Carmody (here)
Found this photo of my home town. This lake is in the middle of the town. There, in the background, is the tower I climbed, high on blotter acid, and meditated as the sun went down. Warm light wind, summer breeze. Acid will increase the connectivity in your neutral complex by an average of 20%. I was in this space, this place, young... and a full life of mystery and unknowns in front of me. A place of desolation, but also of breathtaking beauty. One could walk nearly 500 miles in any direction, and never meet a single person. In some directions, over 4000 miles. knowing me, I was probably thinking of this tune, at the time. I was 16 years old. it was a bizarre combination of being about 140+ years of experience of both conscious and unconscious connection as child - and overlay. My friends shortly afterward had nicknamed me 'the librarian' due to my extensive knowledge. (compared to theirs, for their age). I tend to not, as you may have noticed ...let on my location, and such. I thought you might like this photo. I know I'm grateful for it.

In the lyrics it says," when I was a child, I had a fever, and my hands felt like two balloons".

Well, that fever broke loose my Kundalini, besides the mediation of the void, the highest form of meditation... that I had accidentally come to, the stilled breathing method. The ones the monks use when they leave a non-decaying corpse. I was 8 years old. later on, in reading, as I read quite a bit, I found that this was the age that they tended to have the new Dali lama's (or monks, specifically) 'active' themselves (I can't quite remember the context). Always an interesting thing, that. What about that age is connected to such things? What part of development brings that out?

"When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone."

I spent the rest of my life up to the age of 36 trying to get that back, chasing it down, through every kind of stress and pressure I could bring on myself.. And I finally did find it again.

Good for you, Carmody.
Just yesterday I was thinking about the times I did acid and how beneficial it was. The last one was the weirdest..I was in Hongkong, had just finished discussing a design with a manufacturer, who had a sample whipped up for me to see in what appeared to be minutes, and which I didn't like at all. I felt really too shy to express it...only 25 years old at the time, with my own company, traveling alone, and I kind of caved in at that point, emotionally. Felt more alone than ever, I stood there, staring out of the office window over an expanse of water...on the other side there were 4 huge storage tanks hundreds of feet apart, each had an enormous letter on it, ESSO, that was before it became Exxon. I remember it clearly. I had on a jacket and rummaging inside the pocket I found a tiny pill...I had totally forgotten...it had been there for months, and that was when I decided to take the acid...it was to be my last time. It was March 1974 and I had become straight a couple of years earlier, but some old friend had presented me with this little gift...and now was the time. My Hongkong agent whom I had met in London was driving me around in her little car, an orange coloured open MG, a sports car, and I remember being stared at by millions of Chinese people looking down at us from their bus windows... I saw what was then called the NewTerritories, and the distant mainland China, on my last acid high.
Yesterday morning was watching this documentary which triggered those memories
http://www.forbiddenknowledgetv.com/...cumentary.html

[Carmody]

Posted by astrid (here)

Posted by ulli (here)

This is the 12th house thing....nearly everyone I ever did charts for and who has a prominent 12th house or Neptune... already in their childhood had their secret hidey hole places...under a table, in the attic, or tree house...they had to find that sanctuary.
The 9 th is the opposite...they are the street walkers.

Totally.
Tree houses, in cupboards, under houses, anywhere i could
get some solice.

Once when i went shopping with the family as a child,
large department store type place, i went missing.
I was found asleep curled up in a dog kennel.

I had a habit of going walkabout, I was once a missing person for 4 days.

wow 4 days.

My hidey hole is..music and books.

Astrid, I'm thinking right now, that it probably takes you..oh...3-4 hours to 'prepare' to get out and be with 'people', to relate in that 'normal' way we call normal. Then a few hours, at least, to take that layer off, when you get back home. That is the way it was and is for me, when the kundalini and such is as high as it is in you right now.

Finding a quick or shortcut to 'the space', a meditative preparation method that can gain strength from being used often, can shorten that spin down time. Once you find the path within, and exercise it.

[Carmody]

Posted by ulli (here)
Good for you, Carmody.
Just yesterday I was thinking about the times I did acid and how beneficial it was. The last one was the weirdest..I was in Hongkong, had just finished discussing a design with a manufacturer, who had a sample whipped up for me to see in what appeared to be minutes, and which I didn't like at all. I felt really too shy to express it...only 25 years old at the time, with my own company, traveling alone, and I kind of caved in at that point, emotionally. Felt more alone than ever, I stood there, staring out of the office window over an expanse of water...on the other side there were 4 huge storage tanks hundreds of feet apart, each had an enormous letter on it, ESSO, that was before it became Exxon. I remember it clearly. I had on a jacket and rummaging inside the pocket I found a tiny pill...I had totally forgotten...it had been there for months, and that was when I decided to take the acid...it was to be my last time. It was March 1974 and I had become straight a couple of years earlier, but some old friend had presented me with this little gift...and now was the time. My Hongkong agent whom I had met in London was driving me around in her little car, an orange coloured open MG, a sports car, and I remember being stared at by millions of Chinese people looking down at us from their bus windows... I saw what was then called the NewTerritories, and the distant mainland China, on my last acid high.
Yesterday morning was watching this documentary which triggered those memories
http://www.forbiddenknowledgetv.com/...cumentary.html

I'm thinking, that well, what kind of person does it take to be where you are now? Well the kind of person who would be in such a place, and situation.... then be under that stress and strangeness..and then somehow find a way.... to turn the dials to "11" .

Why not.

Indeed, why not.

[Calz]

Well I confess to a bit of experimentation myself when I was young.

First visual effect (in my college dorm room) was looking at map taped to a closet door. The borders started to "shift". Then the door seemed to "breath" through the wood grain.

Turning to my roommate (who was about as baby faced as a college boy could be) I saw him growing hair all over his face. Sort of like a werewolf but not nearly as dramatic.

Needless to say, I became more "open minded" to the seemingly solid structure of "reality" ... so yes I consider that beneficial.

[Carmody]

My mother helped us grow up fast, when I was 13 and my sister was 14. she used a simple method. She, over a period of 4 days or so, committed an act of catharsis and 'doubled down' by this catharsis being an act of explaining her difficult childhood to us in explicit detail. the doubling down was the part where she showed us what childhood experience can do to shape the person she was, and in this act gave us the opportunity to understand that adults were not a higher entity, but a child with more extensive experiences and more time under their belt. One where barriers, issues, life, and conditions had taught her more ways to understand herself and the world. To have 'experience' to temper her responses and enlargen her thought range. How her childhood, had shaped our upbringing. Or something like that. It had the desired effect of changing our behavior, understandings, origins of our analysis of the world, and directions. Fast.

It was around the time I then had these two 'other life' downloads.. and I told her one day,

"Do anything -Be Anything. Go anywhere - Be anywhere. No limits. And now, I move, I become." (I moved one step forward, purposely, spreading my arms).

I began my teardown, to begin again.

[astrid]

I feel like i really missed out not doing drugs when i was younger,
but those i did try, had the opposite effect on me.
So i didn't bother getting into them.
That and the parental programming,
" We would forgive anything but that"
I did have alot of druggie friends and boyfriends though.
I must admit, since being on this path i have much more of a curiousity
and with no fear attached.

LOve that Pink Floyd track Carmody,

[ulli]

Posted by astrid (here)
I feel like i really missed out not doing drugs when i was younger,
but those i did try, had the opposite effect on me.
So i didn't bother getting into them.
That and the parental programming,
" We would forgive anything but that"
I did have alot of druggie friends and boyfriends though.
I must admit, since being on this path i have much more of a curiousity
and with no fear attached.

LOve that Pink Floyd track Carmody,

I think what took my fear away was that I was far from family and their inevitable judgement. Changing country and culture may turn you into a lone wolf, but you learn early to trust in providence.
The people who had bad trips, in my experience, were those who still were strongly connected to their roots, and so their inner conscience was plaguing them.

[astrid]

Posted by Carmody (here)
Astrid, I'm thinking right now, that it probably takes you..oh...3-4 hours to 'prepare' to get out and be with 'people', to relate in that 'normal' way we call normal. Then a few hours, at least, to take that layer off, when you get back home. That is the way it was and is for me, when the kundalini and such is as high as it is in you right now.

Finding a quick or shortcut to 'the space', a meditative preparation method that can gain strength from being used often, can shorten that spin down time. Once you find the path within, and exercise it.

Yeah that's about right, and for the most part i can do that.
Its when people just show up out of the blue that i go into shock.
I try really hard to relate, and be polite, etc, and i am, but it takes a few days to get over .

I used to force myself to just deal with it.
And once in the house i just moved from,
i had a friend, her partner and one, or maybe two of her kids stay for the weekend.
They are all very loud and hyper verbal.
I was really looking forward to it, but it was too much for me.
One night over dinner, there were too many people all taking at once,
i was trying so hard to listen and engage, even though i was really getting
stressed. Next thing i know i was shaking, and crying and i had to remove myself
and go and sit in a corner somewhere quiet. It was a real wake up call to
what happens when i keep pushing beyond what my body is saying i can handle.

So i have to have an out, a quiet place i can go and re-centre myself, them I'm ok.
For every hour i spend with people i need 2 hours alone to re group.
Luck I have always been a good sleeper, so i sleep as long as i need too.

This study trip I'm planning next year is 8 days, 20 people and shared rooms.
I think i might see it there is a way i can have my own room.
I know that's kind of part of the whole experience, but i cant see me
being able to sleep with someone else in the room, especially
someone I don't know. I'm in contact with the trainer ,
who is aware of Aspergers, and ultra sensitives,
and she is really supportive of me wanting to go.
I think im handling it better by letting her know a bit about me,
and my challenges, so she can help me during my stay.

And its a far way off, but I'm for sure going to be doing a lot of work
in this area before then. It's closing too many doors for me,
to not at least to have the choice to go out if it want to.

[Carmody]

The interesting part is that this can go two ways.

Once you realize that you are sensing an envelope of energy of their presence..and that theirs is like a sprawling Verklempt mongrel of a psychic presence that has never been trained or trimmed, you can address it, through exercising your own. While in their presence.

Due to theirs being totally unaware, as it is the component of their higher self that is attached to their conscious state, you can help train or organize it, like dealing with a puppy. Gently, of course. however, you CAN take command. But command is no what it is about, they are their own expression, as it should be.

Then, as you have this ability, via the sensitivity, you realize you can take control of an entire room. Then, an entire building, an entire gathering.....

For if the sensitivity is strong, IMO...it works both ways, both directions. A highly sensitive input or door, can be not just in, but outward, as well. Some sensitives work it wrongly, by using the heady rush of ego and their original fears to regain control of others. An egoic version of the psychic vampire, is one way of expressing it.

this, I began to teach myself, at the age of 20 or so. In the context of conscious understanding of what I was doing. Before, it was not really a conscious understanding. the good soul never uses it unscrupulously, or wrongly. That is the realm of the satanist and the black magician. The psychic sensitive gone bad, lost in the ego expression of their fears and the sense of safety and control that comes to them when they do such things. Which only multiplies in their life when their desires work into this as a form of success that they egoistically desire. I realized the danger of that , quite early and never went there.

The problem is teaching yourself how to do it correctly, for it can be an invasion of space, the kind you do not wish on yourself, and thus do not wish on others. The kind of understanding that the empathetic have. The trick is in starting to find the sure footing of strength in the self... that such a thing is real... and that you can actually do it. The real part to understand is that it has always been there in you, in everyone. It is there to be developed...if you ponder this..and decide that it enables you, and it is a direction you wish to pursue. it is a point of understanding. I believe the potential for the skill exists within you. empathy would be your guideline for correctness of expression. One has to watch for the ego getting in the way, for it can be a heady thing once found to be real... especially for the males of the human species, IMO.

I can be on a busy street, for example, in the middle of a city, and I can concentrate on a given stranger in that unspoken, deep way..two blocks away... and have them turn and look at me. The danger is that if it is improperly applied, like a untrained loose cannon, one can disturb the unconscious envelope of the area or grouping, and cause accidents, as one is touching unrealized bits of people. Bits they don't even know they have. This should not be done in complex environments due to such dangers. My dogs never had leashes or collars, as I communicated with them on that level -as a way of life. Besides, dogs are wired for it in the first place.

For example, to stand above, on a busy overpass of a main multi-lane highway..and punch out a huge psychic pulse of uncontrolled energy, and cause a massive pile up. To distract people's minds by and through uncontrolled expression. This would be the behavior of the foolish and the dark. The egoic animal, and very likely male.

There was a film about such, in a way, it was called 'The Medusa touch', starring Richard Burton. Those who do not know what it is, fear it as a deep unknown, thus the existence of such movies, and the seeming power of the darker people in this world.

And this tune plays again, right now, as I finish this post.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=AT0_mEDHUfY

[meeradas]

Posted by Carmody (here)

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=J3sAt6LADNM

and the tune I've been looking to share for over a year, it finally arrives on yutoob. but the pitch is all wrong.. but it's the only choice.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=u6MWKNOCE20

Carmody, I'm sittin' here, listenin',
and still tryin' to hit the "thanks" button one more time (in time with the tune)...
can't thank you enough for this wonderful (and new in my life) music!

Man, the strings are playing my heart...

Grand.

[normally, i'd remove the vids from an answer to a post - this time, no!]

[Lisab]

Wow Carmody I love Lamb thankyou.

I'm actually grateful to those old, long gone trippy drug days. I wouldnt be half of who I am today.

Astrid I understand not being able to be around large crowds. I just cant do it anymore. I get really anxious. Ive got to go into town now but typically woke up not quite back in my body again. Floating round like a space cadet here!xx

[astrid]

@ Carmody ..Yeah, i did with my ex house mate, a Navy Vet, who had constant nightmares,
and many uncrossed dead attached to him, which is what happens, if you kill someone.
He was waiting on a huge payout, so wanted to stay as unwell as possible,
so i had not the permission to move in and clean things on his behalf.

But it was my house, so i had the right to keep that clear, so what i ended up
doing was making an etheric structure, so his stuff was just with him, and no where else,
It was a good work around. And it worked well.
He is actually a big part of my current "growth spurt"
He was still a housemate until recently, but he was hardly ever here as he had a girlfriend.
I thought i was on a good thing, half my rent was paid and i was for the most part alone,
or so i thought.
Recently they both moved to start a new life in another state, and the
relief and freedom i felt was amazing. I figured out what it was, he came and went
random times, as his dog was here, and i never had any warning.
Even meditation/ journeying was hard, as in the back of my mind
i was worried he would come home. But i didn't realize how big an
impact it was having on me, until he had gone.

So yeah, it's only been this last month i have finally been able to have a peaceful, safe space.
A lot of the energy work you mentioned i have done bits and pieces of, and i don't have an
issue with power or ego, as i totally understand that we are very much just conduits.
And well.. all the trauma has left me with way too much empathy to ever use it the wrong way,
not really my thing.
But no question I'm coming into at phase of better focus and honing of
skills. I have really needed this space alone to move to the next level. So its no
surprise i was guided to go straight into a fast. But I have no intentions of forcing a
full Kundalini activation, if it happens great, if not, it's ok too.
For sure i have loads of energy running up and down my spine non stop,
more so when i just wake up it seems. I think my throat is still
a tricky spot, why I'm just allowing my self to opening express here
even if its not something i would normally do.

[astrid]

My fav lamb song,
Don't play it much as it reminds me of a certain someone.
Oh well.... while we are opening doors, might as well
keep going.....

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=PILJRHjUVEw