Sex at Dawn, an Anthropological Review of Sex

[write4change]

What is interesting is that according to DNA we are less than 4 % different from either chimpanzees or bonobos. It is also interesting that it man and women are also not quite 4% different DNA from each other. So there may be some truth to we are a different species almost. Another thing we know is that when men listen only 4 parts of their brains lights up in a MRI and when women listen 8 parts of their brain lights up. Does make communication more difficult. Maybe that is why most congressional panels lately want no women testifying.

[Solstyse]

Posted by nearing (here)

Posted by Solstyse (here)
Believing that monogamy is right and the correct way to behave is societal and religious brainwashing, in my opinion.

Now you said it was your opinion, so let me see if I can sway you.

Gibbon monkeys mate for life, and as far as I know they don't have a religion.
Swans,Wolves,Albatrosses, Beavers,Pigeons,Lobsters just to name a few are monogamous when in a relationship and some even for life.
The lack of monogamy or "respect" for the other person in said relationship, is one of the biggest downfalls of marriage. And when marriages started breaking down so did society.
Just because monogamy might not be natural ( still up for discussion ) doesn't make it bad.

Solstyse, most of what you said in your post is addressed in the video. You really should watch it, I think you will quite enjoy it judging from your signature line.

I am on vacation with my daughter right now, so don't have the time to dedicate too watch the video. When I get home I will watch the whole thing, then jump back in the conversation.

Thank you nearing

[nearing]

Posted by write4change (here)
What is interesting is that according to DNA we are less than 4 % different from either chimpanzees or bonobos. It is also interesting that it man and women are also not quite 4% different DNA from each other. So there may be some truth to we are a different species almost. Another thing we know is that when men listen only 4 parts of their brains lights up in a MRI and when women listen 8 parts of their brain lights up. Does make communication more difficult. Maybe that is why most congressional panels lately want no women testifying.

Haha! Indeed, having women on those panels could really put a damper on the objective, eh?

[ThePythonicCow]

Posted by nearing (here)
We've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. But how does this square with the facts: fewer and fewer couples marry, divorce is increasing and marriages are haunted by the twin spectres of adultery and flagging libido. What if our past is actually one of egalitarian promiscuity? What if monogamy doesn't come naturally to us and never has? And, if having an affair would make your marriage last, would you?

At the request of the original poster (nearing) I have changed the title of this thread

From:

If You Want Fidelity, Get a Dog: Humans are not meant to be Monogamous

To:

Sex at Dawn, an Anthropological Review of Sex

I suspect some of the posts above, which were feeding more off the original thread title than off the other substance of the opening post, will make less sense now .

[Libra]

Well said.

[write4change]

Well nearing I would like to thank you for this opportunity and it is obvious that the subject of sex unless really dirty is too difficult for public discussion. What is great is that the book itself is flying off the shelves of Barnes and Noble thru word of mouth. While short, it was fun. Again my appreciation.

[nearing]

Posted by write4change (here)
Well nearing I would like to thank you for this opportunity and it is obvious that the subject of sex unless really dirty is too difficult for public discussion. What is great is that the book itself is flying off the shelves of Barnes and Noble thru word of mouth. While short, it was fun. Again my appreciation.

I think the lack of discussion here isn't so much about the subject (although it plays a part as people are squeamish, lol) but today is St. Paddy's day and a Saturday and the weather is fine. I just got back myself form a 2 hour bike ride and will be going out again. If we can keep it going a little at a time, we may hear from more people tomorrow or when weather gets nasty.

I anxiously await my copy of both books. I have just recently gone into a field of medicine that heavily pertains to this subject so I am interested for myself but also for my patients. Who knows what I may glean.

[write4change]

Okay, I follow your lead. Forgot about St. Patrick's. I am in LA and it is raining since 8 AM. I did some sexual surrogate work as a nurse with Viet Nam vets that were quads and paras and that was before the concept was invented or maybe how it came about. I have known since then how sensitive the public is. To many men that I told after dating them a while -- it was still prostitution -- being paid for sex no matter what the problem. For me to share some of those insights I would have to feel there was a definite respect for the concept.

We were working with neurologists, as well as, psychiatrists and there were no MRIs in those days and they really had no clue about the connectedness of sex to the brain etc. And most of the men fit a pattern of not just injury but having to redefine everything. For the first time in their lives, these men faced having sex when they were not in control and that turned out to be the biggest issue.

One of the reasons I loved my husband is that when I told him he was intriqued rather than put off.

[nearing]

Posted by write4change (here)
Okay, I follow your lead. Forgot about St. Patrick's. I am in LA and it is raining since 8 AM. I did some sexual surrogate work as a nurse with Viet Nam vets that were quads and paras and that was before the concept was invented or maybe how it came about. I have known since then how sensitive the public is. To many men that I told after dating them a while -- it was still prostitution -- being paid for sex no matter what the problem. For me to share some of those insights I would have to feel there was a definite respect for the concept.

We were working with neurologists, as well as, psychiatrists and there were no MRIs in those days and they really had no clue about the connectedness of sex to the brain etc. And most of the men fit a pattern of not just injury but having to redefine everything. For the first time in their lives, these men faced having sex when they were not in control and that turned out to be the biggest issue.

One of the reasons I loved my husband is that when I told him he was intriqued rather than put off.

That's a man who is secure in his own sexuality! Very nice.

[WhiteFeather]

AMEN Nearing, Just look At All Wildlife Species On Our Planet. We are directly connected to them right, but yet we choose/have one mate due to the part of the religious structures and or belief systems. Most Of Our Wildlife have an infinite amount of mates, and it seems to work out just fine for them. If we could live this way like our Wildlife family, I couldn't imagine what the population would be right about now! I'm willing to give it a shot LOL. And It Would be interesting to say the least. ; )

[write4change]

Just like the Native Americans had very little mental illness. They did not have a ton of children either. I think we killed off their own knowledge of medicinal herbs etc with disease and then war. We know entire tribes were wriped out and much of shamanistic knowledge was passed down orally by long internships. Many of my tribal studies show that these people did not have most of their sex at night in the dark but out in their environment and as part of their lives that happened spontaneously. There are some of their writings indicating that the white man did not display his body because of his shame of it. It smelled bad, had no scars that spoke of their learning, and showed the flabby weakness of their white flesh.

Then the fact they immediately took one of their sacred exchanges -- smoking the peace pipe and made it an every day occurrence and an addiction showed the early Native Americans, whites had no respect for life. We now have a major documentary about a white priest and researcher who explored the Amazon by boat and wrote about all the cities etc. Two centuries later when people finally got around to the Darwinian process of research there was no evidence of cities so they said he made it up. Today with instruments, we can see the ruins in the earth of what he saw. Thus, after his trip millions of people died from simply breathing his air. And we wonder why the Amazon tribes want merely to be left alone with what has sustained them for thousands of years.

[modwiz]

Posted by write4change (here)
What is interesting is that according to DNA we are less than 4 % different from either chimpanzees or bonobos. It is also interesting that it man and women are also not quite 4% different DNA from each other. So there may be some truth to we are a different species almost. Another thing we know is that when men listen only 4 parts of their brains lights up in a MRI and when women listen 8 parts of their brain lights up. Does make communication more difficult. Maybe that is why most congressional panels lately want no women testifying.

The other four parts of the brain that light up in women seem to happen in their imagination and or emotional areas. I will certainly agree there is more activity in the brain going on with most women in conversation. I am unconvinced of the positive implications of it, however.

The phrase, "only 4 parts" is made to sound like a limitation, but I would disagree. My definition of multitasking is,' doing more than one thing at a time less than optimally'.

[nearing]

Posted by modwiz (here)

Posted by write4change (here)
What is interesting is that according to DNA we are less than 4 % different from either chimpanzees or bonobos. It is also interesting that it man and women are also not quite 4% different DNA from each other. So there may be some truth to we are a different species almost. Another thing we know is that when men listen only 4 parts of their brains lights up in a MRI and when women listen 8 parts of their brain lights up. Does make communication more difficult. Maybe that is why most congressional panels lately want no women testifying.

The other four parts of the brain that light up in women seem to happen in their imagination and or emotional areas. I will certainly agree there is more activity in the brain going on with most women in conversation. I am unconvinced of the positive implications of it, however.

The phrase, "only 4 parts" is made to sound like a limitation, but I would disagree. My definition of multitasking is,' doing more than one thing at a time less than optimally'.

Depends on the woman. It used to drive my ex-husband crazy how well I could multitask and still be about 4 steps ahead of him in conversation. He was admittedly jealous.

[write4change]

Modwiz, was that your joke? LOL I expected better.

[NancyV]

Posted by Solstyse (here)
Believing that monogamy is right and the correct way to behave is societal and religious brainwashing, in my opinion.

Now you said it was your opinion, so let me see if I can sway you.

Gibbon monkeys mate for life, and as far as I know they don't have a religion.
Swans,Wolves,Albatrosses, Beavers,Pigeons,Lobsters just to name a few are monogamous when in a relationship and some even for life.
The lack of monogamy or "respect" for the other person in said relationship, is one of the biggest downfalls of marriage. And when marriages started breaking down so did society.
Just because monogamy might not be natural ( still up for discussion ) doesn't make it bad.

I'm always open to having my views changed! In fact I've changed my opinion so many times about sex, fidelity, "free love", celibacy, etc. that it may change again, although I doubt it since I'm almost 65. I have been quite happy with many different philosophies and practices, including celibacy on a spiritual path for 7 years, study of tantric sex, so-called wife-swapping in the 70's, free love and orgies in the hippie era, to being monogamous for many years at a time.

Basically sex is an issue that is totally subjective. Whether or not you enjoy it with one or 200 different partners depends on so many things. We deal with all kinds of programming, societal and religious dictates, parental and extended family behaviors, peer pressure, etc. When one begins to realize how brainwashed we are it's still a long task to overcome the programming, if you even want to.

There is nothing bad about monogamy but if it is a non choice because of brainwashing we received in our formative years, then it's not really much of a free or informed choice. However I still don't think monogamy is entirely natural for humans as a whole because that would mean the human species would have more of a chance of becoming extinct. Sex with multiple partners truly is a natural instinct and a driving force for most males and their hormonal makeup guarantees they will have a strong sex drive. It's also probable that in times of over population more men (and possibly women) will be born who are homosexual or asexual. This happens in many animal populations including human, so homosexuality and asexuality may be entirely normal ways for nature to deal with imbalances.

One thing I learned in my many years and from having multiple partners is that even if you think certain men are just out to have as much sex as they can with as many different women as they can, they all truly want love. Sex is not only a way to propagate the species or a fun pastime, it's a way to express and receive love. I found that virtually 100% of my lovers responded to love, and some of them were difficult to reach....but I know how to give love even if it was for a one night stand. Love is the most powerful energy.

As I mentioned in my previous post, we do merge with multiple other consciousnesses in other dimensions. There is no such thing as fidelity to a partner because other consciousnesses are just separated parts of yourself and you do feel more whole whenever you merge with another. So not only may there be a human survival instinct driving humans to have sex, there is also a soul imperative to merge with other beings. Sex is the closest thing to merging that we can experience in body, in my experience. Of course you can have incredible experiences just expanding your awareness, merging with the earth, feeling others energies, feeling the beauty of everything.... but most people don't do that, so sex may bring them closer to transcending the physical than anything else they do.

[Kimberley]

This thread is right up my alley~~ I have been writing a book about this very topic for a few years now... you may never see the book so do not wait for it, however I have been writing it for the many loves and lovers past present and future. I have had many relationships in my life and my children and the father of my children, that I only married to legitimize our children in this western society... I like, love and respect the father of my/our children immensely!!! However he is not my best friend and he does not have the same appetite for sexuality that I have, and I fully appreciate him for who he is.

The powers that are NO more use love and sexuality as tools do divide and concur...more so than any other tools they have used. I love everyone and nobody can tell/dictate how I chose to share my love in any way shape or form. Man made rules and institutions, that have been set up to keep/enslave the masses in/at bay have no power over me any longer... Yaa Hoo... and I am expecting that the masses will wake up to this understanding eventually.

We are at a time where we get to chose love over fear. Love is not an exclusive thing (as most of us were taught) true love is all encompassing and we are able to love all in multiple ways. And to be told to not love is one of the biggest lies we have been told. To be told that we are "supposed to" only love one man or one women for life exclusively is ridiculous!!!

For the minority one partner does happen however for the majority there are multiple loves and lovers. There are so many that I love that I have never and will never have "sex" with and there have been many I have had sex with... to be "told" to keep love limited is a lie!!!

I say love everyone, absolutely every one. However that does not mean you want to be friends, or hang out with everyone, just love everyone. And if you become great friends, congratulations, and if you become lovers, congratulations...Just please remember that love is all encompassing and not an inclusive endeavor!!!

Much love to us ALL!!! Always and in all ways!!!

[modwiz]

Posted by write4change (here)
Modwiz, was that your joke? LOL I expected better.

Then you were expecting me to lie. I do not dispute the data of the MRI's. I have my own understanding of the implications.

[Kimberley]

And another thing to remember...sexuality is different when you are fertile than when you are not fertile... I am now 2 years not fertile, and when I was fertile it was a different issue... I have had two abortions and the partner that inseminated me is the same man that is the father of my 2 daughters that we chose to be born. I was very careful with using birth control methods and those methods failed me at age 29 and again at age 42 and at those times I was not wanting to bring a child into my/our life. We had the choice to not and we did not bring a child into the mix until we were ready to do so. I am so very grateful for that choice and the ability to do something about it!!!!

Anyway... we have so many choices and we have been led to believe there is right and wrong and I do not believe in a definitive right and wrong... what may be right for me may be wrong for you and vis versa.. I suggest that we judge not and realize we all have unique paths and stories and if we can agree to disagree all is well!!!


Much love!!

[nearing]

Thanks Kimberley, I couldn't agree more.

I have hypnotherapy training and have taken people to past lives many times. A major part of the session is when the Collective Subconscious gets to speak and answer questions that the client has. The words come out of the clients' mouth but are not theirs. It's a cool process. Anyway, questions always arise over major life decisions, including abortion, and whether the client made the right choice. Inevitably, the choice was the correct one for the soul at that time. ALWAYS.

We do a lot of unnecessary hand wringing in life over these decisions.

If anyone is interested in learning more about these sessions and what goes on in them they should read: The Convoluted Universe series by Dolores Cannon. Start with book 1.

[write4change]

Nancy, that was a beautifully written piece about how you love. When I was first asked to join the Viet Nam vet program, I was enticed by the money which came from grants but because they wanted nurses was really really good for those days. However, when confronted with a file of a very handsome young man like Modwiz was who has lost both legs and has a clostomy bag and is a pale shadow of the pictures in his file, knowing how to handle a clostomy is not enough. You have to come to that young man with all the love you can muster for that moment. And it has to be real or he will feel other wise because for the first time in his life he is a ball of raw feeling. I learned so many things from that experience and grew in ways I never would without it. No love of any kind is ever wasted and you have expressed that so well.

I can see this book will do more for men than women.

Like you Kimberly, I have been writing a book all about it but it may never see the light of day. I have enjoyed beeing lead by the universe to do it. If I survive 2012, I may pursue it more diligently. I also enjoyed what you had to say and I like you married my husband for our child. He kept insisting. He was wrong and it would have been better not to. When you marry it is to families and other long term relationships. My husband had three other children that were adults when our daughter was born. Their message to her always was take a long walk off a short pier better that she did not have to deal with that on a continual basis. Again everything is individual.

I also had an abortion 8 months after my daughter was born. To this day, I do not know how it happened. I must have muttered don't wake me up. But the pills failed because I was taking tecnocycline for a major ear infection and the doctor failed to tell me it would negate the pill. I barely made the pregnancy at 39 and I wanted to be there to raise our daughter which was also my husband's wish. I did not think I would get through another with toxemia, pre eclampsia etc. I believe my life is my choice not some legislative bill passed on religious principles that I have no belief in.

This may evolve into a woman's thread as this book is really freeing to women but I bet the men will read it.