Here and Now...What's Happening?

[Sierra]

Posted by Anchor (here)
Sierra,

I read back. I read your call. Then I read that you feel better.

However, do we or do we not still have a problem? Are the warning lights still flashing?

If it is felt appropriate, could you share what the supposed root cause of these suicidal feelings are? - no pressure

Has suicide been attempted or merely contemplated?

Is it related to change coming along the tracks like a freight train, towards an otherwise content person does who simply does not want the experience of that change?

Is it related to the despair of one, say who is trapped in a darkened room, hearing creepy sounds, searching for a door or a lightswitch and feeling the challenge impossible?

Is it related to the challenges of meeting a new life each day in a slowly degrading body, one that perhaps is not as efficient as it used to be?

It may of course be none of those things.

I would not have said anything but you only really gave permission to help you and by all accounts it was well met.

What I know, is that he has an asset without which, things would be much harder. That asset is you.

Similarly, for my part, I know that it is Mrs Anchor that ultimately ensures that I can cope with anything - even my own darker moments of pain and dispair and I have had one or two of them.

John..

I think it is "challenge impossible". This feels so weird to talk about this. As if I am breaking a confidence. If my husband ever joins Avalon, I am doomed lol. Just doomed. Not that he would ... He is also adamantly unconscious so the train bearing down may also be part of it.

I just found out yesterday he tried to commit suicide twice a few years ago, while I knew only about one attempt. It was triggered by an abusive boss. Two weeks ago, he was put under the same boss again. It has always been male authority figures that trigger his angst. He had a previous boss that was even worse. He'd come home and burst into tears every night. Since it was his first C++ programming job, he hung in there for exactly one year, before looking for another position.

As you might be figuring out now, his dad was the pits. And his first step-dad was from hell (Ex. held him down, while screaming at him it was his fault for not closing the cage properly, leading to a rabbit's broken leg, and clubbing the rabbit to death in his face, while three years old). He left home when he was 15, because he could see his mother needed her new husband, and there was too much conflict between my husband and her new husband. He supported himself programming, until he was 18, and then joined the army.

My husband is manic depressive. ADD as well. We've been married 24 years now, and it has taken me decades to understand and cope with the cycle. It was much worse when he was younger. He is 50 now, and it seems to have smoothed out. He is chronically depressed as well as dramatically depressed at times, if that makes sense.

Part of the cycle is when he hits bottom is to say he needs therapy. And then he climbs out of the depression and doesn't go. This time, he actually made an appointment. That is a huge change. Oh I hope it is a decent therapist. I only like Reichian breathing therapy myself. (Let go Sierra, let go.)

I think the warning lights have gone off. I think I'd know if it was serious and imminent. The last time he tried to commit suicide, he was in a hotel room, and I paced, cried, prayed for five hours, KNOWING he was trying to kill himself. He finally called at 1:00 AM, and we both simultaneously burst into sobs, when I answered the phone. Came home, cops drama etc. because he had called the suicide hot line while in the hotel.

Sierra

[araucaria]

NIce to see a mention of old Asimov on here. I have been wondering for some time why whenever SF is mentioned, no one ever thinks of him. And yet, his Foundation series contains a lot of fascinating stuff – a secret foundation of benevolent mind readers/tweakers, a malevolent mutant same, sophisticated integration of artificial, robotic people indistinguishable from humans, a galactic population large enough for statistical probabilities to apply and, from a basic start-over-from-scratch position (a crumbling empire), be scientifically predictable as part of a great overall plan...

[ulli]

Here is my take on the Asimov quote above. On one level I agree with him completely, but there are other layers to the development of democracy.
For a world to go from barbarism to civilization it needs to pass through various stages.
Here is one stage (pre French revolution...gotta start somewhere): public tortures and executions in every village.
Next stage a people's revolution where this time the heads of the elite are being guillotined.
Next stage more monarchs lose their power while the elite start to do their games more and more behind the scenes, away from scrutiny.
Next stage: so-called "democratic" elections leading to dictatorships, first in Europe later in the third world due to people being misled or misinformed.
Next stage: people get more information via the media, now the media itself is being hijacked and becomes the mouthpiece of the elite deceivers. Furthermore, everything is being done to corrupt ordinary people into unhealthy behavior as well as life
styles.
Next stage: along comes the Internet...and for a brief moment this is where truth can still be found.
Next stage: now even the Internet becomes corrupted by the deceivers who place enormous amounts of false info all over the web. People realize that discernment becomes key to survival. Meanwhile life continues to become more and more fragmented, and people of sane mind group together to assist each other in their pursuit of democratic values.
The process reaches its peak when critical mass has been formed and suddenly the consciousness (not the planet) flips over and the suffering masses discover their inner potential and seek the education needed to realize their dreams.
A new generation comes along who is sick of their parents materialism and are determined to clean up the mess.
They return to spiritual values and acknowledge that to be truly democratic they must all participate in the collective process.
This just off the top of my head. Nothing to boast about, and not quite ready for publication, but, hey...this is just a tiny village on the outer edge of civilization. We can see the future far better from this vantage point...

[Flash]

Love you here Sierra

[Sierra]

Posted by PurpleLama (here)
Spirit had other plans, and I will be teaching reiki every wednesday, instead of just twice a month.

I believe I shall put the Village in the basket, for everyone's needs to be included. This will occur in approximately twelve hours from now.

Oh heavens, I graphically see a perfect opp to do another story (villagers jostling and squirming, more villagers thudding into the basket) but my mind is blank ...

[ulli]

Posted by araucaria (here)
NIce to see a mention of old Asimov on here. I have been wondering for some time why whenever SF is mentioned, no one ever thinks of him. And yet, his Foundation series contains a lot of fascinating stuff – a secret foundation of benevolent mind readers/tweakers, a malevolent mutant same, sophisticated integration of artificial, robotic people indistinguishable from humans, a galactic population large enough for statistical probabilities to apply and, from a basic start-over-from-scratch position (a crumbling empire), be scientifically predictable as part of a great overall plan...

The Foundation trilogy was my foundation....
I had issues with the last book....Gaia being represented by an 18 year old who spoke on behalf of the collective planet, but since reading it I have caught up and with this Village here at the edge of Avalon we are making progress. One for all and all for one.

[RunningDeer]

"Dog Aerobics - Crazy Dog Tricks"

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=2Y2DBrqw-O8

https://youtube.com/watch?v=2Y2DBrqw-O8

[ulli]

Posted by PurpleLama (here)
Spirit had other plans, and I will be teaching reiki every wednesday, instead of just twice a month.

I believe I shall put the Village in the basket, for everyone's needs to be included. This will occur in approximately twelve hours from now.

This basket case can't wait.
This is going to be fun.
A basket full of basket cases, hehe..

[PurpleLama]

But what if I told you this girl is 18 years old, now, and just beginning to learn her role on behalf of the planet?

Posted by ulli (here)

Posted by araucaria (here)
NIce to see a mention of old Asimov on here. I have been wondering for some time why whenever SF is mentioned, no one ever thinks of him. And yet, his Foundation series contains a lot of fascinating stuff – a secret foundation of benevolent mind readers/tweakers, a malevolent mutant same, sophisticated integration of artificial, robotic people indistinguishable from humans, a galactic population large enough for statistical probabilities to apply and, from a basic start-over-from-scratch position (a crumbling empire), be scientifically predictable as part of a great overall plan...

The Foundation trilogy was my foundation....
I had issues with the last book....Gaia being represented by an 18 year old who spoke on behalf of the collective planet, but since reading it I have caught up and with this Village here at the edge of Avalon we are making progress. One for all and all for one.

[benevolentcrow]

Wow! On page 903 already. So much happening in the Village!

Sierra, my heart sends a warm embrace for you and your husband.

Just thought I would post about a dream I had last night. First we were invaded by the military and all of our supplies were confiscated, was told for the good of the whole. More like carpetbagger style. Then we were invading by hostile aliens. We had to hide in the trees, the trees were our protector. It was very strange! Two nights in a row of strange dreams.

Modwiz, I feel a chill in the air! I hope you can add some insulation to that tent of yours. You are somewhere in the North East aren't you. Stay warm!

Purplelama, I would love some of that wonderful reiki energy sent my way. We all need it. I have practiced in the past, I need to again.

Stay dry Ulli, hope the winds change their course.

To all Villagers have a wonderful day!

[eaglespirit]

Hi Sierra...this current interview and info may be of interest to You : )
Thought I'd bring it here...it has been discussed in many different ways at Here and Now, imho!
Many Folks around Mother Earth are consciously connecting with Spirit as never, ever before...
and making corrections and re-alignments personally in these turbo-changing-times!

DreamTime Healing

http://www.divshare.com/direct/18378351-441.pdf

http://www.divshare.com/direct/18378353-77a.pdf

[Anchor]

Posted by Sierra (here)
I think it is "challenge impossible". This feels so weird to talk about this. As if I am breaking a confidence. If my husband ever joins Avalon, I am doomed lol. Just doomed. Not that he would ... He is also adamantly unconscious so the train bearing down may also be part of it.

I don't want you to betray confidences. I wont be offended if you call a halt to this.

I understand two critical things from your post:

1) C++

2) Crap bosses.

Sadly the sublime joys of creating living programming art in C++ never can outweigh the oppression of a pin-headed twat of a boss that dumps on the most of the degrees of freedom that a programmer actually *requires* to do their job properly and in an aesthetically complete and satisfying manner. The only time I ever achieved the latter was when I was the boss (working freelance) and back when programming was old school and managers had to let us be, because they didn't know anything about what we were doing. They still don't, but they have "best practice" libraries and Harvard research papers and lots of books to inform their ignorant and polarized views on how development should be done.

I can see a vector here for depression. I have suffered EXACTLY the same, except I was free from the other things you mentioned so I was not pushed over the edge.

If I could offer any advice, it would be to encourage him to explore ways in which he can retain measures of control in his work.

These can be unofficial or official; straightforward or devious. The mind of a programmer can come up with all sorts.

For me, how I did this was: I decided to work really hard, pay off my debts and build up what I called a f**k-you fund. It took me a long time, and this was before I knew anything about the end of the world or a zombie apocalypse, Mayans running out of calendar space, Niburu, Alien invasions, Vampire attacks etc - basically all the drama we learned on Avalon.

Once I had my FU fund, I had control back. No boss could touch me after that because I suddenly realized they had NO power. I could just say FU and walk. Mrs Anchor fully supported my freedom to deploy the FU fund without consultation - she agreed to back me without question if I ever quit a job. I never used it, but my attitude changed and I started to acquire more control in the office. Bosses were either scared of me - or had time for me! I was basically ethical, did my work, tried my hardest - but when they were being idiots, I was not afraid to tell them. I always tried to support bosses that supported me.

Back then I did not know about the relationship (that I spoke of in my exchange with falcor a few posts back) between the inner self and the outer experience. Had I known, then perhaps things would have turned out different, perhaps I would have dealt with it all a different way.

I am not presenting the above as a solution. It is just a triggered opinion. As a one time fellow programmer, I think I grasp the root of some of his pain; and so was moved to comment.

I am being also nudged by higher anchor to suggest the usual same-old same-old: that he makes a few diet changes - more raw foods, more water, more sleep etc.

If nothing else, remind him he is not alone. Many others like him are doing the same battles. He is not in any way weird in this regard.

Everything happens for a reason.

John..

[ulli]

Posted by Anchor (here)
I decided to work really hard, pay off my debts and build up what I called a f**k-you fund.

I always knew you were a smart cookie, John, but you have just elevated yourself to the level of genius in my eyes.
I just can't understand why there aren't millions out there, sitting on their own FU fund. What an amazing world this would be.
Sierra, I'm now going to share John's letter with your husband using all my telepathic powers. This is IT!!

[meeradas]

Posted by Anchor (here)
FU fund

Great idea. Thanks.

Where was that barn again?

[Sierra]

Posted by Anchor (here)
As a one time fellow programmer, I think I grasp the root of some of his pain; and so was moved to comment.

I am being also nudged by higher anchor to suggest the usual same-old same-old: that he makes a few diet changes - more raw foods, more water, more sleep etc.

If nothing else, remind him he is not alone. Many others like him are doing the same battles. He is not in any way weird in this regard.

Everything happens for a reason.

John..

Higher Anchor is right on the money. I love the idea of a FU fund. I have learned to back off though. He ah, does the exact opposite when I suggest something. I quit suggesting anything about five years ago, and things are better between us.

He really is a go-it-alone guy. I kind of wonder the reason he is actually going to go see a therapist now, is that I've shut up. So he can hear himself now.

As we all know on Avalon, if you polarize people, you will produce the opposite of what you *say* you want lol.

[Sierra]

Posted by ulli (here)

Posted by Anchor (here)
I decided to work really hard, pay off my debts and build up what I called a f**k-you fund.

I always knew you were a smart cookie, John, but you have just elevated yourself to the level of genius in my eyes.
I just can't understand why there aren't millions out there, sitting on their own FU fund. What an amazing world this would be.
Sierra, I'm now going to share John's letter with your husband using all my telepathic powers. This is IT!!

It is pure genius. And it would take a blooming miracle to get my hubby to save a penny (manic-depressives spend money when high. And low.). (Let go Sierra, let go.)

[ulli]

Posted by meeradas (here)

Posted by Anchor (here)
FU fund

Great idea. Thanks.

Where was that barn again?

I thought you'd never ask.
Take as much as you can carry in two bare hands, ok?

[ulli]

Here is Meeradas, (never mind he looks like Bill Gates in this picture) scratching his head:
"Where the F**K did all that money come from, all of a sudden....?"

[ViralSpiral]

Posted by NASA (here)
21 Aug 2012 - NASA To Hold Televised Curiosity Rover Media Briefing Aug. 22
NASA will hold a televised news conference at 11:30 a.m. PDT (2:30 p.m. EDT) on Wednesday, Aug. 22, at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, Calif., to update media on the progress of its Curiosity rover mission on Mars.


More...

.........

[ulli]

Posted by Sierra (here)

Posted by ulli (here)

Posted by Anchor (here)
I decided to work really hard, pay off my debts and build up what I called a f**k-you fund.

I always knew you were a smart cookie, John, but you have just elevated yourself to the level of genius in my eyes.
I just can't understand why there aren't millions out there, sitting on their own FU fund. What an amazing world this would be.
Sierra, I'm now going to share John's letter with your husband using all my telepathic powers. This is IT!!

It is pure genius. And it would take a blooming miracle to get my hubby to save a penny (manic-depressives spend money when high. And low.). (Let go Sierra, let go.)

Hey, maybe he could still go on spending sprees...just make sure he buys stuff he can convert into FU leverage.
Like this:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Superb-AFric...#ht_847wt_1061