An example of a D-i-r-e-c-t experience

[Chester]

POST WARNING - apologies for the mega-monster post but please give your best shot at enduring to the end.

Hi – Many here who have gotten to know some of the Avalon posters have come to learn that generally Fred’s posts are short and sweet. I, on the other hand have earned the title “king of the monster post.” Sebastion hardly ever utters a peep. You can imagine what it might have been like with us three attempting to have a three way, voice conversation, but we did and I actually came away with happiness I was able to participate with two of the coolest folk you could ever imagine hooking up with and that I actually was a participant and mostly was able to refrain from monster dialogue.... mostly.
When I left the conversation (because I had to get to “work”), I had the following reflections. I first realized I had a greater understanding of what the word “love” might mean. It was not a feeling of “love” which was centered on these two cool cats, though that reflection came next. I just felt like I was injected with a “love” inoculation – the best words I can find that tries to convey this whatever I am trying to convey. Strangely too, I had an amazing day that day – September 14th. Amazing is a huge word, yes? Let me explain. All my life, when I was challenged by anything, I roared like a lion, regardless of whether I was right or not. Sometimes, you can only roar (and may even have to bite and fight), but the key is the ability to discern when one must descend down into that level.

So to make the longest story as short as possible – the background. I received full custody of my sons 10 years ago when I divorced “Lucifera” as I lovingly call her. My two oldest are 18 and 21, but the youngest will be 17 on Boxing Day (December 26th) and I technically still have legal custody (as well as legal responsibility) for James. Because back in 2009 while living in the Ciudad de Panama, Panama I honored the wishes of my sons, I allowed them to move to the US (Texas) to live with their mother despite all logical and intuitive reservations knowing she was evil incarnate. Again, the wishes of my sons was more important.

Lucifera is the Queen of Emotional War. She takes no hostages and wages war on any battleground which she deems may present a potential advantage. Knowing this, I had previously removed myself from every potential battleground she could possibly bring forth other than the one I can never remove. This only remaining battleground is the battleground of our own sons. So recently she launched an attack by suddenly issuing an edict that I am not allowed to communicate with James (nor any of my sons) via the PC I bought for my sons for the sole purpose of being able to communicate with my sons as I live outside the United States and had no other realistic and/or affordable way to remain in touch as we all know Skype and other chat/video conferencing programs are currently free and my financial resources are currently vastly limited.

Now consider that since my sons moved to Texas and have been directly exposed to the queen demiugria herself for three years now which has surely played a role in how my 21 year old has already achieved his first DUI (before he even turned 21) and that many readers here are aware of my 18 year old’s one night gun-wielding rampage which has him currently residing at the Dallas County Jail facing aggravated armed robbery charges, I am a wee bit concerned as to how she might influence James. So in wearing the hat of a parent and at the same time experiencing being cut off from any communication with my youngest son, I derived my counter attack which was to write Lucifera’s Mother (who lives in West Texas) an e-mail explaining to her Mother the following:

Regarding Reid’s situation (my 18 year old who sits in jail) – That the attorney who is attempting to obtain mercy from the court which may result in the obtainment of probation (“it would be a minor miracle” – the attorney’s words) will only attempt this approach if he has a place Reid would be able to go to that gives Reid a fighting chance to stay off drugs and alcohol (which was central to his actions that lovely July 11th evening) and that currently it is the attorney’s opinion that to go back and live with Lucifera is not an option. She allows my sons to smoke marijuana day and night and allows them to consume alcohol despite their being underage and the attorney knows this.

Now let’s get one thing straight. I have no issue about what someone does with regards to drugs or alcohol even though I found out for myself it was no good for me at all whatsoever. But it took me all but 55 years to get to this understanding and again, this only applies to myself. But stepping back and considering the likelyhood that my sons have a genetic proclivity to addiction (and the horrors that addiction eventually produce), that Lucifera herself has been in several jails and rehabs all the result of drugs and alcohol, that my father was a massive alcoholic who, even though he finally sobered up, never recovered emotionally and ended up committing suicide, that Lucy’s father is still to this day an addict to all sorts of prescription drugs (even steals them from his wife), that in all sides of both our families we have major drug and alcohol addiction horror stories, it would seem a wee bit wise that perhaps as loving parents we might discourage drug and alcohol usage with regards to our young (underage) sons, yes? But hey... what do I know?

Anyways, the attorney’s condition to seek probation is based on if he feels comfortable that Reid would have a game plan that gave him a real chance to create a new, drug/alcohol free life for himself or he won’t recommend to the court Reid receive a probation. The only options we have for Reid is that Lucifera’s Mother express that she would watch over Reid if he moved to West Texas where she currently resides. The only other option we have is that Reid move back in with his Mother, Lucifera.

Now the table is set for the reader here to understand the dilemma I faced. The attorney spoke with me early last week (I think it was September 11th or so) and said, if “Lucy” went to speak with him (where he could interview her with regards to him changing his mind that she is not an option for my sons) then he might consider Lucy as an option. He knows full well her past, because he happens to be a good friend of mine for almost 20 years. He also has had several direct experiences with Lucy in that back in 2005 he was able to obtain a 3 year probation for her as she was charged with solicitation of prostitution and possession of crack cocaine – Jerry (the attorney’s name) got her the probation. Note, this was after the police had deported her from the Island of Curacao where she had abandoned herself for almost three years on the streets of this lovely island. They confused her with the missing Natilee Holloway – strange how that tragedy “saved” the bodily vessel of my most excellent ex-wife. Yes, evil is cunning indeed. Anyways, Jerry is fully aware of the “history” here and so we can all imagine his hesitancy yet!!! he cracked upon the door of foregiveness (and perhaps because he is 70 years old may be exposed to a wee bit of amnesia?) told me he would consider her an option – as it is becoming clear Reid may have no other options.

Now here’s the last piece of the puzzle – Jerry is able to be influenced by my own recommendation. I essentially hold the keys to freedom for my son, Reid. Remember, Jerry and I are dear friends. It breaks Jerry’s heart my son is in jail, but Jerry is also staunchly opposed to drugs/alcohol for those who have demonstrated addictive tendencies and he is convinced that if Reid (or anyone who has proven that they behave inappropriately when under the influence) move into an environment that makes drugs and alcohol available to him, his chances of completing a 10 year probation successfully are almost zero. Who could argue?

When Jerry and I spoke last week and he cracked open the door to the possibility he would consider Reid’s mother a possible option (which he stated because he is realizing this may be Reid’s only option) I stated that it is still possible Reid’s grandmother in west Texas might take Reid under her wing and he told me to get this resolved and do it soon as he has to make his decision as to what he can recommend to the court.

And so here I was last Friday, just beginning to accept that I am cut off from being able to even reach my youngest son, James and feeling the anger and frustration that my ex must wage her silly war through our own sons. That I have the legal ability to extract James from her home but that James is very happy with his life, his social life, his school, his friends so how could I take him away? I would simply be drawn into her war. And then I am also faced with the fact that if I tell Jerry that Lucy has disallowed my sons from being able to communicate with me he would immediately change his barely opened mind that he might accept Lucifera as an option for Reid and so the lion within me began to plot my own strategy.

I was to write Lucy’s Mother and inform her of this situation but paint the situation in such a way that it is sadly but clearly the reality that unless Lucy’s Mother accepts the role of a family member who will present themselves to the court that she would take Reid under her wing, because Jerry will not accept her own daughter, Lucifera, as a viable option, then Reid has no options and will likely end up going to the penitentiary for years. Jerry’s concern about this is that once a young kid (again Reid is only 18) goes to the state penn in Texas for years they are never the same. And this is beside the fact that Reid would be a prime target for sexual predators.

So I wrote up a poignant draft e-mail to Lucy’s Mom. I had the intention of making the case that she was Reid’s only hope. But the evil within me realized that if I twisted the truth, I could also box in the queen demiurgia in such a way her rage may lead her to the brink of insanity. All I had to do is represent to the Mother that Jerry refuses to consider Lucy as a viable option because of her refusal to allow my sons to communicate with me, their own father, and the only one who currently appears to be in decent control of their life within this family picture.

Now it is a fact that I know that if I told Jerry about this he would agree Lucy is not an option... but you see the tiny twist here? The tiny misrepresentation I was writing up in this draft e-mail?

I was on the brink of using a lie. A lie that would paint a current untruthful picture to Lucy’s Mother which would manipulate her into one of two things. It might be enough that Lucy’s Mother decides to accept this role which gives Reid a shot at probation. But because I know she, Lucy’s Mom, will e-mail (even likely forward my own mail to) Lucifera, this will make it very clear to Lucifera that her Mom, Jerry and even her own son, Reid will know that Reid’s fate boiled down to his own Mother’s refusal to allow our shared sons to communicate with their father, me, and that for this reason, Reid is likely bound for prison.

All I needed to do was slightly misrepresent that Jerry has made his mind up that because of her, Lucifera’s decision, Reid goes to prison.

This idea was stimulated by something within me that has to win. Something within me that must beat this poor manifestation of true, evil incarnate into such a pulp that she may never, ever recover again. All three of my sons would choose a side. I know all three. Reid is already polarized against his own mother because she “chose drugs over her sons” – his words and because she called the police on him when she saw the video of the armed robbery blasted all over the local news in Dallas. But this particular nail would be the nail in her coffin which her strength would never be able to overcome. My oldest son, Stephen, would swing Reid’s way as they have a lockstep relationship along these lines. My youngest, James, might take Lucy’s side for awhile but that is because he is happy with his life and he would side with her to avoid admitting to himself that it is actually a card he plays that allows him to continue with his life as it is now and with which he is very happy. Still, I know that James would one day come around and though he probably would not end up resenting her (the goal of my evil side), he would rejoin with his brothers and his father which would be the final last nail her her self created (along with my tiny twist) final resting place. “May she rest in pieces.”

But what happened lately with Chester? What has been happening to Chester? What did Chester experience Friday morning? That talk with Sebastion and Fred. What was leading Chester this day? Love? or something else?

And so I wrote up my first draft of this e-mail. Long but inarguable and with my tiny misrepresenation. My tiny little twist. And the voice inside said, “You know how you have begun the habit of editing your posts prior to posting? And that you have noticed this has resulted in better posts? Recall Finefeather’s statement that “words matter?” So because I did not want to send the mail without rereading it and editing it to make it even better, I saved the draft and got busy with my work. Note, I had no intentions of removing my twist, I just wanted to clean it up.

So about an hour later (just before lunch), I went back and cleaned it all up and amazingly the inner voice said, perhaps a mail as important as this needs one more going through. So I saved the second draft and did not launch the e-mail.

Suddenly i noticed the time (it was almost 2 PM central time) and remembered Jerry was to be at court that morning and so I decided to call his office and see how it may have gone. Realize Jerry has yet to even speak with the prosecutor and thus the dance hasn’t even begun but I knew this day there would be that first meeting... so I called his office. Jerry was not in but I reached his assistant and she mentioned to me that she heard he was at the court that morning and she was under the impression that “it went well.” I informed her that I was working hard on what Jerry required, which was that I secure the place for Reid to go. I informed her I was about to send an e-mail to Reid’s Grandmother in this regard and would forward that mail to Jerry so he could follow along my progress. I knew that if I did, he would realize Lucifera’s blockage of the communication with my sons and I know that he would react such that he would change his mind about his being open minded about Reid being able to go live with his Mother.

So if my gamble failed, and the Grandmother would not accept Reid come live under her wing then even though I have two other options, one being Reid’s aunt in east Texas and the other being a possible halfway house situation, my sister is a real low possibility and Jerry said he doubts the court would feel comfortable with just a halfway house, then it may end up Reid’s only option is prison and for at least 5 years.

Just for the curious, why I am not an option for Reid. It is because I live in Costa Rica (where I must reside to be able to do my work – the only work I can do that allows me to support my wife and step daughter and my sons and myself at minimal levels). I cannot do my work and live in the United States. And Costa Rica will not allow residency to anyone convicted of a violent crime.

So you see the dilemma, yes?

Strangely I did not send the e-mail and instead went to lunch. Quietly, Love was still holding my hand. While at lunch, I got into a conversation with a stranger regarding synchronicity. I mentioned the story of how in 2005 and 2006 I experienced a huge plethora of 7 synchronicities. In the summer of 2006, I lost my job because of a buyout (and I was one of the high paid casualties that usually happen in these types of situations). Due to luck I suddenly got offered a position in Costa Rica and within a few weeks I found myself in San Jose working for a group that had an office within a vast office complex. The odd thing was that this office was in Building 7 and was on floor 7. So at this lunch i shared that story with this stranger because he was working in the complex and we were speaking about synchronicity.

So after lunch I was walking back to my present office which is in a different building but within this same complex. While walking back I passed a parking space that caught my eye. I had never noticed before but these parking spaces all had numbers. The one that caught my eye just as I was about to walk upon it was 77. I went up to my office, sat in my chair and decided it was time to go through this draft one last time and launch it to Lucy’s Mom.

As I opened the e-mail, I saw in my inbox a mail from my son, James. WoW! I was excited because I had not heard a peep from him since I left Texas August 4th and I never have received mails from him as we always communicated via Skype or the telephone or when we met up (during the brief 5 months I was in the US).

The content of the mail was extraordinary. He stated that he found himself a bit polarized against me (that his Mom had worked his psychology over pretty well in that regard) and as a result had not reached out to me. But that he realized this was not his true self and thus wrote me his mail to apologize and that he will be able to make himself available for calls when it is safe (where he can do so without his Mother knowing) and that in a few years when he is well on his way and out of her house, we can resume our normal communications. He gave me a cell number and a time to call! Suddenly I became very, very glad I had not sent the e-mail to Lucy’s Mom and that I had not forwarded this mail to Jerry, the attorney.

But just to demonstrate how Spirit reveals Itself even through the material realm and even into the matrix, guess what my son, James’, e-mail address is?
james.hunter77@%$&%.com

How incredible is that?

So in summary –
Sebastian and Fred and me had a discussion prompted by Sebastian and based on “unconditional love”
Somehow despite the worst in me having every reason to nail down a difficult situation, manage it to the satisfaction of my own ego, do so in a way almost everyone I know would agree is justified, have every reason in the world to box Ms. Evil Incarnate into the corner of her own making (where all I needed to do is twist the situation ever so slightly) and so you can see how I was completely and entirely in the hands of my own ego and yet somehow, as opposed to the Chester of the last almost 55 years, I somehow hesitated to pull the trigger. Not because of some true wonderfulness I was able to consciously pull forth within me... there was none.

But because of something else. Something I can only characterize as “divine intervention.” Divine intervention that I had to “allow through.” Divine intervention that had its own time. And somehow my hesitation gave it its time. I am not the total evil I painted in the above story. I will be honest, I focused many times that morning and early afternoon on the voice of a man whose voice I have never actually heard (but read) – Houman’s voice that said “compassion” (...and other’s voices – Bill’s “safe place” point... Pi’n’eal’s “compassion” points as well... Fred Steeves way of saying Live and Let Live) In truth, in my thoughts had crossed a tiny part within me that considered my ex-wife and then thoughts of wynderer and how I have felt bad about how I teamed up on her that weird Sunday three weeks ago and thus I should realize and accept at my deepest core that perhaps my ex-wife is still that angel I married and not so much “evil incarnate” but I would be lying if I stated that those thoughts were dominant or came anywhere close to being as focused upon and powerful as all the other thoughts I had.

Now anyone who has endured this epic, monster post and has been able to see the point I was trying to make it is that there was once (in this lifetime) a Chester whose ego ran his life. Based on what I call the achievement of “gnosis” which I have also described as having “ascended” my ego somehow takes a back seat to an unseen driver, a driver I do not know but somehow bet on is there (and has been) all along. I call this driver, God but that is my choice. I believe God is there in my life. When I allow God to be my driver, I experience Love firsthand. When I relegate God to being my co-pilot, things usually get a little hairy.

I only discovered God being there through obtaining gnosis which if you ask a Gnostic will be glad to tell you that “gnosis is simply direct knowledge (and that this is and only is experience).”

That one can be said to have achieved gnosis when they have found how to live their life where it is their Higher Self that is in charge. It is probably not a state one can achieve 100% as the lower self is always there when a Spirit Being exists in any material realm (but this is just my opinion and perhaps I may one day experience an egoless state and thus change my mind about my opinion). But for now, I am ok that I have my ego, I am happy that I have discovered a way of life where my ego does not drive the car so much and that when I allow my Higher Self to be this driver it seems that it is actually God himself that is the ultimate driver.

Last night I was further rewarded by discovering Fred’s thread – “D-i-r-e-c-t-l-y”
https://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...-i-r-e-c-t-l-y

It confirmed I am not alone in achieving gnosis while still in the physical body. It confirmed ascension is real and that it is achieved one by one, can be achieved by all and all this can be done within a single lifetime and perhaps within a single generation and perhaps even within a single year (2012? wouldn’t it be nice?)

In conclusion, I personally do not happen to have any great concerns as to the future of humanity nor the near future relative to life on earth. But that is because I am comfortable that ultimately everything is (and always has been) in God’s hands. In two days I retire from the posting style you have experienced. These last few posts are remnants of the war I will be officially leaving prior to midnight of September 19th.

Love – Chester... justoneman

[Mark]

Well said, Chester. Its amazing how it works when you allow that quiet voice beneath all the other ones to guide your actions. Especially when it goes against your programming and habits. Synchronicities have a way of opening you up so when they come in groups like that you can be assured that you are within the confluence of a crossroads event.

Im glad you were able to arrive in a space beyond what you thought possible at the time. Your amazement, joy and gratitude shines through. Blessings to you and yours along the Path.

[markpierre]

Meaning things work the way they need to, despite you?

[Timreh]

Chester it is great to have seen some of the ground you have covered in recent months
Congratulations on your progress, may you continue to be inspired and inspire others!


The hardest mountains to climb are always our own..