Here and Now...What's Happening?

[eaglespirit]

Hi Donk...Wishing You and Yours Well,
Nora is speaking from Her Heart and genuine personal experience and is trying to help the situation with sincerity and valor.
It is so fortunate that we have the Village and Avalon for this very reason...where We can get to the core of matters without overly concern about being very personal out in the open for many of Us have been through the treadmill of life, so to speak, and telling it like it is in these situations. I honor You for being grateful to Nora. This issue with V is paramount in many lives and seeking the proper professional and experienced first hand help will take You and Her on a whole new wonderful path, imho. A number of us that visit the village have been there, done that...so please keep sharing....all of us are here to help any way we can. These overall changes ensuing need us to change along with them to be able to embrace what we really are and are really capable of, I wish You and V the Best in this serious matter...try to really do what You can to put Nora's suggestions to work, it will be a very good thing.

[Chester]

Posted by Playdo of Ataraxas (here)
I realize Captain Beefheart isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I keep finding songs I like. Going through the album, Ice Cream For Crow, I came across this song and was pleasantly surprised. I had to look up the lyrics to get it all. It's relevant to my here and now, thought I'd share:

"The Host, The Ghost, The Most Holy O"

Why, not even a rustler'd have anything to do
With this branded bum steer world
This pirate flag headlong disaster course vessel
Misguided charted this nautical numbskull hull
Sink in silence smoke - blow your chest out in hope
Sits spread-eagle on poor men
Piled high on truth mountain - last speak in clarity's chain
You'll not be thrown but dive and sink
Your pockets filled with earthly burdens
When they could be filled with light and back with wings
The sky is dark in daytime
And still the blackbird's beauty lyrics clean
Sing ye brothers and end this miserable thing
And brush the dark sky in light
And let the moon bell crack and ring
Upon the mast of mercy
For she is a beautiful thing
I watched her cut with clarity
The sea of satan's red rolling water
That stung my eyes with vile vile brine
And clung to the vine that choked mary's only son
God in vain to slaughter
I can't darken your dark cross door no more
The light lovely one with the nothing door
And oh that pours life water

I would not have understood the wanderings of this ancient mariner until recently. Interesting the timing of this post - Thanks Playdo of Ataraxas

[trenairio]

[edit][edit][edit]

[eaglespirit]

Here and Now...

Checking the weather this morn, suppose to be very, very windy here on Cape Cod through the Solstice.

Gusts to 58 on the 21st...gusts to 64 on the 22nd...gusts to 46 on the 23rd

The Higher Winds of Change...bringin' it on : )

[Chester]

Hi, was “gone” the last few days...

I went through a 2 day stretch of just doing only what I was moved to do at the moment. I also experienced being able to use my mind as a tool yet what was directing me was coming solely through my heart – note the word “through” as opposed to "from." I have found that difference - I am still in "wow" land about what I have been experiencing. If I can do this, I swear, anyone can. I was the worst... truly the worst.

Anyways, the last few days has been very good for my lower ego to experience as it saw that it does not have to die, it can simply be along for the ride and yet is at the ready position if somehow I am attacked. I am an animal too and to deny this component of my being is to lie to myself IMO. That is why I am quite firm in my opinion I shouldn't BS myself I can ever (as long as I am alive in a physical body in a material realm) transcend my ego. I can achieve unity consciousness which results in my ego transforming into a healthy component of my being. Maybe one day I will change my mind, but today, I am comfortable with this idea and accepting.

You see, I have come to a place in my journey where I see my identity moves between two ends of a spectrum. The one end is the beast and the other end is the eternal spirit. I see that for now, I am ok that I have an identity in this way, even at some of my Spirit's levels of being... but because of each and every new day and all the experiences each and every new day is bringing, I know for myself and know from the place within me where it counts, that what is real of “me” never dies and that it not only connects with that “real” within us all and all that is, but essentially I "know it" as One.

Unified uniqueness in and amongst all. And we are fortunate that we can celebrate BOTH of these where "god" can't. This is what gets me more than anything... those who seek to be God or a "god" don't seem to realize the gift we have in just being "a child of" this incredible creative source and "a child within" the realms this source provides where we might smell a rat we ARE this source, but we don't have to BE that source... we get the best job of the three!

I “know” this. Each day the ego vehicle moves closer to that 100% knowing of this. Where each and every moment has at my foundation this solid and connected knowing. Where my individual spirit can soar (my eagle) and where my roaming beast (perhaps a puma) can be at the ready and that my snake keeps me grounded so others can experience a “whole” being. My totem - which actually is these three and when I expand becomes seven.

I agree with Einstein’s remark that this reality is an illusion, albeit a persistent one. I see the wisdom in stating it that way. What I get out of it is that it is and is not an illusion simultaneously and so I respect it all for what it is.

I have Gnostic friends. Not all want to do what I characterize as "throwing the baby out with the bath water" but some do. Of these that do, they focus day and night on personal practices in hopes of transcending a component within them such that they do not have to return to the material realms. As sovereign spirit beings, I like to believe that at a foundational level we are able to make these choices.

But me - I would come back. I would come back even until I was the last man standing. I would come here alone because I found I am never alone anymore.

Just this moment as I wrote the above sentence, a termite type flying ant thingie landed on my screen and crawled over the word "man" at precisely a second after I wrote it. This is how Spirit informs the individual Spirit being that they are in harmony with Great Spirit. This is how I live each moment of each and every day now. In utter, complete harmony. I experience dozens of impossible synchronicities daily now. If you take this as bragging, I suggest you consider what within you might consider such a thought... if you understand I am writing this such that even just one reader who has begun to experience synchronicity might be inspired, might not go through the years I thought I was crazy and end up almost dead from suicide in large part due to this fear.

I know I write long blabberings. No one has to read them. Some might glance at some of it and skip the rest. I write for me more than anything. It is freeing. I only share my experience and I try and frame my opinions that they are simply my current "beliefs" and anyone who has read my posts sees I "belief hop" all the time.

I am worse than a shape shifter, I am a mind shifter hahaha. Even "they" can't keep up with me. Is this the real me that is outside the matrix? I believe so. And thus, its easier and easier to step back in. I know where the phone booths are if ever it begins to get a bit hairy (beastly).

I went back this morning to catch up here in the Village because I love this place. Its not a thread... it is a place, an open collective. I have become a little attached. I care about the folks here. Relationships have developed. I feel an obligation to stay in the loop... not in the earthly way we know obligation. Obligated from a higher place to be part of a group and not get thrown out (like I have caused to happen most of my 55 years of this life).

So I had experienced two amazing miracles yesterday and I will share them in two upcoming posts, but first I want to catch up in the Village. Thanks folks for the kind words directed my way (blushing a little) – but the credit for how I have emerged goes to all of you and Bill and the Mod team and Kerry too and a specific poster, Houman.

Love to all - Chester

[Chester]

A "Public Shout Out" to one of the coolest cats on the planet (and an Avalon member) who sent me a recent mp3 of their own music - I won't mention who you are but Super Coooool. Thanks for thinking of me too! Love to you, bro.

[eaglespirit]

If you take this as bragging, I suggest you consider what within you might consider such a thought...

Chester...
I think I may speak for ALL Here and Nowers in the Village...We will NEVER take it that way : )

Love You, Man!!!!!!!!

[donk]

Alcoholism is a very dark and lonely road

Oh I been there, luckily it causing enough (but not too unmanagble by me) real life problems that I can point to and say: "when does it become a problem?". Until recently, she convinced herself on the surface (I know her heart does not agree) that she can manage it...she is afraid to give it up as the typical part of the identity of the "partying" American 20-40 something--WTF else is there to do for fun in friggin' Delaware??

Also agree she needs a professional...though the wild cr@p that keeps coming up pretty much turned the counselor/shrink/whatever against her, apparently to him medication and/or institutionalization is the answer to the symptoms such as seeing dead people and the wierd stuff consisent with an abduction scenario.

Don't help that since I opened her up to this wacky world that she was taught her whole to fear as an indication of insanity (she is less than completely sane, but that don't mean she's lost ALL her marbles ), she'd rather talk about that than the real problem (ANYTHING but the real problem).

But like I mentioned, we had an awesome breakthrough the day before, frank discussion of that which she has buried, that agitates her to no end, that completely shuts her down and opens her to complete possession when drunk...which is probably why she "needed" to drink yesterday. But just the way were able to talk about it was amazing.

What you said about the dark road...the "patience" thing and not pushing and taking things slow was that dark road. Her issues were consuming my life, which effected my kids (not to mention hers). And I was ready to leave that path, if she continued on it. But everytime, whether it is a test for me or that we were meant to be, she takes that next step, we take a good turn, and grow immensly in a short time. I feel that we were meant to take this journey together, we're made for each other.

With everything going on in the world, my urgency has a valid real-life backup...we were financially devestated recently (by the betrayal of someone I loved as a brother), and we are both approaching the top of the 40 hill., not to mention the big picture economy/earth changes. With the way we seem to take HUGE steps, then stagnate for a min, and the pattern seems to be working...with each step becoming bigger and each stagnation period becoming shorter, so I'm kinda feeling the regressive hypnosis to just go at that damn unhealed trauma may be the way to go...anyway thanks for your feedback, and to the village (much love eaglespirit) for a place to work it all out in my spinning head!

[Belle]

Great post, Chester. This is why you will always be justonegreatbighuggybear to me.

I started questioning myself a couple of months ago...leading to a brutally honest evaluation. It's been painful and joyful and eye-opening...much like shadow work, but much more intense.

Although you said it much better than I ever could, I came to the conclusion that to deny/eliminate those parts of myself I don't like very much doesn't work...only acknowledgement and integration of the "good, the bad, and the ugly" can lead to wholeness and peace within...imo.

Found it interesting that shortly after going deep, I became ill. I haven't even had a sniffle in many years...and here I was with full blown pneumonia. Yet, once I started digging deep, asking myself the really hard questions, and cutting cords, a little thing like pneumonia was not going to stop me.

A big thank you to eaglespirit as well for his post that included a quote from the ELF Transmissions...part of which said, "Declare to yourself, inside and out loud, “I hereby rescind any and all oaths and vows, throughout all time and space, that I or any other incarnation of my whole larger Self has taken, in this reality and universe or in any other parallel, alternate or separate reality or universe.” Can't express the immense feeling of being free this process is giving me...

When I began, I was leery of finding the 'monster' I was sure lurked in the core of my being...and much surprised to find an innocent, vunerable and pure version of me that my ego had convinced me was a 'monster' that had to be suppressed...or was my ego in reality protecting that part of myself? Hmmmm....

Lots more work to be done...but now done joyfully and with gratitude. The changes I'm going through are nothing short of amazing. Finding peace with myself forms a space of finding peace with all...if that makes sense to anyone else.

So grateful for this community and Villagers...

Love you all.

[Chester]

Warning monster post meant for here and the Horus-Ra thread... -

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...l=1#post593623

Thus posted over there as its where the story started

[ulli]

Posted by Belle (here)
Great post, Chester. This is why you will always be justonegreatbighuggybear to me.

I started questioning myself a couple of months ago...leading to a brutally honest evaluation. It's been painful and joyful and eye-opening...much like shadow work, but much more intense.

Although you said it much better than I ever could, I came to the conclusion that to deny/eliminate those parts of myself I don't like very much doesn't work...only acknowledgement and integration of the "good, the bad, and the ugly" can lead to wholeness and peace within...imo.

Found it interesting that shortly after going deep, I became ill. I haven't even had a sniffle in many years...and here I was with full blown pneumonia. Yet, once I started digging deep, asking myself the really hard questions, and cutting cords, a little thing like pneumonia was not going to stop me.

A big thank you to eaglespirit as well for his post that included a quote from the ELF Transmissions...part of which said, "Declare to yourself, inside and out loud, “I hereby rescind any and all oaths and vows, throughout all time and space, that I or any other incarnation of my whole larger Self has taken, in this reality and universe or in any other parallel, alternate or separate reality or universe.” Can't express the immense feeling of being free this process is giving me...

When I began, I was leery of finding the 'monster' I was sure lurked in the core of my being...and much surprised to find an innocent, vunerable and pure version of me that my ego had convinced me was a 'monster' that had to be suppressed...or was my ego in reality protecting that part of myself? Hmmmm....

Lots more work to be done...but now done joyfully and with gratitude. The changes I'm going through are nothing short of amazing. Finding peace with myself forms a space of finding peace with all...if that makes sense to anyone else.

So grateful for this community and Villagers...

Love you all.

I just remembered that we both have this auntie who had the same name and who was a dwarf....(private joke)

[Carmody]

Posted by eaglespirit (here)
Hi Donk...Wishing You and Yours Well,
Nora is speaking from Her Heart and genuine personal experience and is trying to help the situation with sincerity and valor.
It is so fortunate that we have the Village and Avalon for this very reason...where We can get to the core of matters without overly concern about being very personal out in the open for many of Us have been through the treadmill of life, so to speak, and telling it like it is in these situations. I honor You for being grateful to Nora. This issue with V is paramount in many lives and seeking the proper professional and experienced first hand help will take You and Her on a whole new wonderful path, imho. A number of us that visit the village have been there, done that...so please keep sharing....all of us are here to help any way we can. These overall changes ensuing need us to change along with them to be able to embrace what we really are and are really capable of, I wish You and V the Best in this serious matter...try to really do what You can to put Nora's suggestions to work, it will be a very good thing.

A good friend of mine taught me that you need to fix it between family and friends. Whatever the given situation or issue may be. If that is not done, in that way, then there are low odds that the best psych in the world will be of any real (base affected levels) help.

I keep thinking that this given psych trade began when cities reached that point of indeterminacy, of about 10,000 people, where a population is big enough that real strangers begin to emerge. Then people begin to be divided by their fears of the unknown. Which is the population density point (somewhere near 10,000) where 'that which manipulates'..steps into that gap, created by bodily reactions, and begins the wholesale process of division, isolation, and manipulation. And now the society and culture that we have today.

Donk, I have a friend who sees dead people. Besides my own little bits and fits of travels and interpolations/integrations. And with the psych trade having arisen the way it has, from the section of the population that it has arisen from, I'm sure you see the problem rather clearly.

This friend is on meds, specifically...SSRI's..and she just quit cold turkey. Which I advised her not to do. Falling off a physical cliff in a chemical imbalance fashion, is simply not the thing to do. It is difficult to find balance in chemical free fall. to ease her way out. She said that she simply did not want to ever re-fill her prescription again. Period. She says she can handle it, but I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone balance themselves out of an SSRI situation by going cold turkey, without some sort of major issue arising. The gradual method of weaning off seems to be the better way to go, from observing that happen in multiple cases.

[eaglespirit]

Just to add a bit more clarity Donk....as I speak with presumptions,
it will 25 years since I threw in the towel of drinking and drugging.

AA and NA and other groups of this nature are the 'first hand' I speak of. After attaining a few months sobriety if there are other strong engrained issues and "other" professional help is needed...so be it. I do not give much credence to any western world doctoring....there are good and earnest ones out there but a needle in a haystack....but the good ones CAN can be found.
Sobriety comes first...connecting with those already doing that work, with some solid time behind them is best....and you will find professionals 'within' these organizations that have some of the humblest and grateful people...doctors too.
It is important to dis-engage from any family and friends that were in the circle of the active drinking and drugging for a few months at least in early sobriety. If you have family and friends that are there for you and behind you to help V and You...that is a good thing.
If You start on that road with V the people will be found in your community or adjacent communities if you wish not to start the process close to home where all of those people have been a part of the problem are around.
I promise You if You look into AA or NA in Your area You will find the right People to connect to.

Heroin and other hard drugs are quite a bit more tricky...as the withdrawals are escalated beyond that with alcohol...
the help is there to be found locally with this also, if you look.

AA and NA will lead You to the right People, professional and laymen, imho!

[Ernie Nemeth]

Donk, your story is very close to my own, so I have watched from behind the scenes, rooting for you. In my opinion, alcohol is the worst drug of all because it reduces the imbiber to an automaton, devoid of humanity. But crack and prescription drugs have their own evils. I have experience in all these things, both as an abuser and as an observer. I am long ago clean myself (well over a decade, with no yearnings to relapse). And from that place of experience, I am convinced, I was asked to help turn around the life of my own woman.

There are many posts of my trials and tribulations here at Avalon.

I turned her life around by administering copious helpings of love and understanding, yes, but what I did first was get proffesional help for myself. It is only by learning about myself that I healed to the point of being able to help my girl. And after four years of personal discovery and traumatic upheavals in my relationship that involved police, jail, courts, addiction therapy and many other nasty events we now live a life of quiet and peace - drug-free. She has advanced so far that she now has positive energy and love to help her own child suffering from the same illness she did.

For the longest time I thought this aspect of my life was the only thing I had to offer this site. It has been humbling and transformative for me. And if along the way I may have helped a member feel less alone or a bit of wisdom seeped into someone's mind as a result and helped them cope, well, then I am vindicated.

Know that I send you helpful energy when I think of you and that I pray for you and your woman's successful breakthrough.
Thanks for sharing.

hugs

[donk]

Thanks for the reply carmody,

A good friend of mine taught me that you need to fix it between family and friends. Whatever the given situation or issue may be. If that is not done, in that way, then there are low odds that the best psych in the world will be of any real (base affected levels) help.

That's why I'm looking for "alternative" professionals...my first thought was the hypnosis, just because I don't know much about Reiki--which from the little I know may also be an avenue to explore.

but I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone balance themselves out of an SSRI situation by going cold turkey, without some sort of major issue arising. The gradual method of weaning off seems to be the better way to go, from observing that happen

I don't know if my case counts, as I stuck to the lowest possible dosage, less than probably what kids get (and a third of what they prescribed my then-prgegnant then-wife to quit smoking!), just one pill (I forget the mgs) of Wellbutrin twice a day. I was always very careful with it, respectful of its power. That, and a tiny dosage of adderall got me through a rough 2-3 years, and I got tired of picking it up (adderall is controlled so i had to go to doc every month).

I experienced withdrawal symptoms for a bit, not pleasant at all though I came out of the cold turkey OK. I definitely share your concern for those that take "normal" doses, my situation is similar in that I was definitely addicted after long term use.

Hey--reminds me, been almost 3 months without a cig!

[donk]

For the longest time I thought this aspect of my life was the only thing I had to offer this site.

That ain't nothing to spit at...it is huge!! (congrats and thanks for sharing!).

It's been 4 years since I drank, from 18-31 I was killing booze every day, I can't imagine getting through the hard drug addiction...I have an addictive personality, was never in denial of my functional (until it wasn't) alcoholism, and was able to stop when it was a problem.

That's the hardest thing for me...she is in denial, and her family--who she is far from letting go of unhealthy attachments to--is worse (both her sisters are pregnant and mom rationalizes whatevertheF they are telling her is their "healthy glass of wine or two". She is not "as bad" as them, was never as bad as I was, and goes days without.

The real problem with it is, is not even the addiction...she's one of those whose personality changes when she drinks, if you know what I mean. For example, I have a friend who is brilliant, has common sense, engineering degree from good school, good job, model citizen (during the day), dude is on his 6th DUI. He's unrecognizable when he drinks.

She's like that. (i have checked around, I never was...at my drunkest I'd act more impulsive, but still "myself"). But the added problem is the damn "spirits".

It makes her "brave", and now she is "ready to face them" (when she drinks). Good excuse

[ulli]

Soon our Village will become the most successful rehab on the www....

Congrats to all who've freed themselves from the grip of bad habits,
pledging support to all those who are yet to do this
and sending energy and cheers to those still in the process.

[Anastasia]

Wow...it's been a few years for me, since I threw in the towel...

But, I began that journey in 1981....a bumby road, but I 'know' it all unfolded perfectly...for me!

Oh my Gosh...It feels so good to have shared that! Anonimity is a touch and go thing... :I

Anastasia

[donk]

...and Ernie and eagle...I can't wait to bring her to the old meetings I'd frequent, see who's still around and just for the experience, they were great.

I could never do "programs", so the steps and making my life about the rehab was not my thing, but the support group aspect and sharing experiences, not to mention the "fast-track to real spirituality" in all the lessons and slogans and such were amazingly helpful.

[Belle]

Posted by ulli (here)

I just remembered that we both have this auntie who had the same name and who was a dwarf....(private joke)

Giants of heart and mind smooshed into little bodies...lovely, wonderful forces of nature and love. Bless them both...

That part of me was the easiest bit of work...found some deep, dark aspects of myself that took some time for me to overcome the 'shame' before being able to fully bring to the light and examine honestly. Accepting, reworking, letting go, integrating...a whole lot of push/pull and tweaking and hard work...confronting bits and pieces I would much rather bury than deal with...this could take forever!!!

For balance I must add that there have been more than a few pleasant surprises along the way...real keepers that must be nurtured for them to blossom as I desire.

Won't be done by 12/22...but will be much better prepared. I know, I know...nothing like waiting until last minute before doing the toughest work. Investing as much time and energy as possible to be part of the big change...hopefully standing tall with y'all! Or maybe even flying with eagles!