The Cricket Thread (for Whinging Poms and Aussie *******s only)

[Bill Ryan]

-------

Dear All:

As light relief from a sometimes very worrisome world, I thought it was time to post something about cricket.

Wait a minute -- did I say light relief? This is serious!

This thread is dedicated to my mate Jackovesk. I'm only calling him my mate because I feel sorry for him. Jacko's not a bad bloke even though he's an Aussie, which he can't help, but it only seemed kind to warn him of the coming humiliation down under at the hands of the England cricket team.

The first test (which is English* for international cricket match) starts on 21 November. England will win, of course, and in the five match series it will be the start of a rout.

For those who know of such things, English opening batsmen Cook and Carberry already helped themselves to more runs than they knew what to do with (in a warm-up match last week), and had to retire themselves out because the Aussies couldn't do the job themselves.



This gives us all plenty of notice what to expect later this month. Except next time, they'll stay in to score a couple of hundred each.


* It should be noted that the Australians speak English (at least, a crude variant of it) and don't even have their own language. In fact, they don't really have their own anything at all to be proud of, except for legendary cricketing maestro Don Bradman -- and he, alas for the current Australian team, is long gone.

[sian]

OUCH! Mr Ryan, you are serious.

[Bill Ryan]

Posted by sian (here)
OUCH! Mr Ryan, you are serious.

Deadly serious!!

It was a preemptive first strike. In a good bar room brawl which everyone will surely enjoy, someone has to throw the first punch.

[Bill Ryan]

(...or the first insult!)

[Anchor]

G'Day mate.

I say! What? Top hole? Jolly japes?

Cricket!! OMG.

Am I having an attack of cultural schizophrenia?

I don't know if I need a nice cup of tea to settle the nerves, or throw a shrimp on the barbie and get a slab going.

[panopticon]

I see the old enemy has fallen for our cunning plan.

Once again hubris shall be their downfall.

As Sun Tzu said:

All warfare is based on deception. 1:18
Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. 1:22

Yes, Cranberry and Crook seem to be doing quite well.

That was the tactic. Australia don't want them being scared in their little warm up match. Specially after Crook got so upset by Warnie.

Again I refer to Sun Tzu:

Hold out baits to entice the enemy. 1:20
If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him. 1:22

So it appears that the poms have fallen into our cunningly laid trap.
Mwah-ha-ha-ha



Oh, and if no-one noticed the new anti-association laws in Queensland are actually aimed at the barmy army. Watch what happens to the smarmy army when they confront the anti-corruption heavy weights at the Gabba.



Then there's the dream that Trotter will not be trotting more often than not after Johnson is finished with him. Trotter reckons he's going to get the best of 'im...

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=dik_wnOE4dk

I don't even follow bloody cricket but when it comes to the old enemy there is no division in Oz. Just as a question... Which country holds the record for the most beers drank while flying from Oz to England?

I'll give you all a hint:



Now that's an Australian sporting legend.
-- Pan

[bram]

Posted by panopticon (here)
I don't even follow bloody cricket but when it comes to the old enemy there is no division in Oz. Just as a question... Which country holds the record for the most beers drank while flying from Oz to England?

As you know jolly well that was only because we lent you Ian Botham for the trip......

[panopticon]

Posted by Anchor (here)
G'Day mate.

I say! What? Top hole? Jolly japes?

Cricket!! OMG.

Am I having an attack of cultural schizophrenia?

I don't know if I need a nice cup of tea to settle the nerves, or throw a shrimp on the barbie and get a slab going.

For a starter it's a bloody prawn on the barbie.

It's the Sepo's what call em shrimp. Let's face it their old President thought he was in Austria more often than not and I ain't seen no bloody lederhosen round here cept at October fest...

Shrimps are our vertically challenged friends and I reckon they'd have a choice phrase or two to say about being chucked on a barbie.

As for the rest me ol' salt I reckon go for the slab and share the good will around...

That's how you win friends and influence people not bloody limey dish washing liquid.

[Bill Ryan]

Posted by Anchor (here)

I say! What? Top hole? Jolly japes?

Well, there's no need to get nasty about it!

Posted by panopticon (here)


Now that's an Australian sporting legend.
-- Pan

That's former Aussie batsman David Boon. He used to be a batting legend in his younger days. Now he's best known for drinking 52 cans of beer on a flight from Sydney to London. (True!)

Posted by panopticon (here)

I don't even follow bloody cricket

You should have your citizenship revoked!

[panopticon]

Posted by bram (here)

Posted by panopticon (here)
I don't even follow bloody cricket but when it comes to the old enemy there is no division in Oz. Just as a question... Which country holds the record for the most beers drank while flying from Oz to England?

As you know jolly well that was only because we lent you Ian Botham for the trip......

See how we overcame your carefully laid plan?

That was on the flight for an ashes tour.

Guess we need ta remember who came second in that tour eh?

Ol' Blighty that's who!



Talkin' bout Aussie sporting icons...

Here's a picture of the most successful athlete in the history of sport (21 straight world championships):



#1 State champion David Foster (OAM) is an absolute legend down here in his home State of Tasmania.
-- Pan

[Bill Ryan]

Posted by panopticon (here)

We don't talk about that.

Posted by panopticon (here)
Here's a picture of the most successful athlete in the history of sport (21 straight world championships):

OK, I give up. I've stared at that photo for ten whole minutes. What's he doing? And why is he so upset?

[panopticon]

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)

That's former Aussie batsman David Boon. He used to be a batting legend in his younger days. Now he's best known for drinking 52 cans of beer on a flight from Sydney to London. (True!)

And now is an ICC Referee...

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
You should have your citizenship revoked!

Fine with me, I don't want the bloody thing anyway.

Personally I prefer either aerial ping pong or watchin the Wallabies (don't start me on that sorry state of affairs).

Cricket's always a bit like paint drying (though used to be a good excuse for a beer or 6 and a barbie) something I like to look at once it's over (couldn't resist the pun hehehe).
-- Pan

[panopticon]

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)

Posted by panopticon (here)

We don't talk about that.

Posted by panopticon (here)
Here's a picture of the most successful athlete in the history of sport (21 straight world championships):

OK, I give up. I've stared at that photo for ten whole minutes. What's he doing? And why is he so upset?

That, me ol' salt, is David Foster (OAM) and 21 straight winner of the World 600 mm Double-handed Sawing Championship.

In the picture above he is competing in one of over 1000 championships that he's won over the years as a wood chopper. He is using an axe to chop a log, something that happens a lot in Tassie.

He is the only person in sporting history to have won over 1000 sporting events...

The second vid below shows how far ahead he is of his competition...

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=1adEKUbttWw

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-9A2fIpTd54

Him and Boonie are both Tasmanian sporting icons and built like brick sh!t houses.
-- Pan

[sian]

show those Sheila's a run for their mouths

[Hazel]

Jeeeeze.. well its on then eh!

for starters never seen a pom win an iron man contest in our midst
too damn weak stomached to down the 15 cans of Fosters beer after a belly full of baked beans and raw snags (thats sausages mate for u lilly livered / white flouro arsed poms).

As for the cricket Billy Boy your premature arrogance will most likely see you slide under your hat, shame faced and defeated!
Get with the program and settle petal..
So much for your gentile facade.. can't wait to see you pommies once again disgraced by we the superior breed in the Antipodes.

Here's a humble representation of my deeper feelings on the subject.. look out you wally

* As for you sian.. I'm a Sheila you don't cross! Would like to see you presented with the self same cricket ball stuffed in your gob at the gloat BBQ when we bring home the Ashes.

[varuna]

...oh how wonderful, a thread about cricket on Avalon!! here is a link to a snippet of commentary with Aggers & Johnson which always makes me smile. https://youtube.com/watch?feature...&v=3k0qZDdfvZk

here's the page link just in case http://cricketcrowd.com/displayvideo.php?ccvideo=2443

[Cidersomerset]

Thanks Veruna classis Test match special...

..oh how wonderful, a thread about cricket on Avalon!! here is a link to a snippet of commentary with Aggers & Johnson which always makes me smile. https://youtube.com/watch?feature..

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=2aIagPztV-s

here's the page link just in case http://cricketcrowd.com/displayvideo.php?ccvideo=2443

Johnners' revenge on Aggers at Edgbaston 1993

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=PlQu9gSyWKA

Published on 27 Jun 2013


Smarting from a first-rate set up the previous test, Brian Johnston exacts revenge
on Aggers by setting up a spoof 'live' TV discussion with Fred Trueman and Jack
Bannister - both having been instructed to be thoroughly uncooperative with the
interviewer....

[Cidersomerset]

Hi Bill after 40 years of following the 'winging Poms' I have
learn't never to get carried away even when we are winning.....

As a son of Somerset who can forget 'BEEFY' !!

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=5qJEgzhTt64

Uploaded on 12 Feb 2012


This is a compilation of Tom Hardy's narration part only.
"From The Ashes" is an uplifting and remarkable tale of
a summer that changed English sport forever. In July
1981, rioting and discontent ruled the streets of England.
On the playing fields, England was 1-0 down after two
tests against old enemy, Australia, and iconic all-rounder
Ian Botham, had resigned as English captain, hours
before being pushed....(IMDB)

[bram]

Posted by panopticon (here)

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)

Posted by panopticon (here)

We don't talk about that.

Posted by panopticon (here)
Here's a picture of the most successful athlete in the history of sport (21 straight world championships):

OK, I give up. I've stared at that photo for ten whole minutes. What's he doing? And why is he so upset?

That, me ol' salt, is David Foster (OAM) and 21 straight winner of the World 600 mm Double-handed Sawing Championship.

In the picture above he is competing in one of over 1000 championships that he's won over the years as a wood chopper. He is using an axe to chop a log, something that happens a lot in Tassie.

He is the only person in sporting history to have won over 1000 sporting events...

The second vid below shows how far ahead he is of his competition...

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=1adEKUbttWw

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-9A2fIpTd54

Him and Boonie are both Tasmanian sporting icons and built like brick sh!t houses.
-- Pan

Maybe they could make that an olympic sport eh?

[panopticon]

Posted by bram (here)
Maybe they could make that an olympic sport eh?

Would certainly sort the wheat from the chaff wouldn't it!
Some of these "elite" athletes need a smack behind the ear hole with a lump of 4b4...
Imagine testing either of the 2 David's for performance enhancing drugs...

What would they end up with?

I'd wager:



After all here's the pipeline used to pump the beer across the island:



Why live anywhere else?



-- Pan