Here and Now...What's Happening?

[1inMany]

Attachment 25124

Em got a puppy, named her Lily. Here she is with Isis, first day they met. They seem to get along so far. And it is fun to watch them play.

I'm feeling disconnected. Quite alone actually. This transformation is kicking my ass.

Divorce in progress. Me leading the way, in something I would not have chosen. My friend is correct, it is like choosing my own switch for my beating. What seems to make it more difficult than it should be, or could be, is that Mike won't let go...of anything...of his own volition.

At this point in schooling Em at home, I feel a bit of regret for taking this on. In order to do this properly, I would need to sit with her every day as she goes through the program. And the problem is that I don't.

M is here for a few days, and it scares me to death to think she will be moving back out here soon. M and Em get along like oil and water. With boxing gloves. Actually, the boxing gloves would soften the blows.

K is planning to come out for a bit this weekend. She has not told Mike she is pregnant, and I don't blame her. His reactions to things are not the most constructive or positive. Quite the opposite.

It looks like Little One will get to stay overnight tomorrow, the first time in five months if I remember this correctly. I am looking forward to this, but when I saw him last weekend briefly there was such sadness behind his smile. That will be difficult.

I go through periods where I miss being on meds, and this is one. Adderall kept me focused on one task long enough to complete it and feel a sense of accomplishment. Also gave me a bit of energy so I wouldn't lay in bed all day. Effexor kept my mood from being in the toilet 24/7, I remember humming a lot. And Xanax kept my stomach from being in knots.

Now, I know meds are not the way to go. So I don't make an appointment. I don't. But I see the draw there. Is it not easy and enticing to pop a pill and feel better? Damned pharma.

On some level, I realize that each tie that is severed gets me closer to where I will be. Each thing I "lose"...each relationship that seems to have gone to ****...has been a necessary clearing out. But holy ****, it is painful to lose those. I almost look forward to what is coming, what will replace those, until the reality (which is only here, temporary, and not really reality) hits me...the new replacement parts have not arrived. The check is in the mail.

All of this...this is my here and now. I do not wish to draw emotional responses. I do not wish to spread around this negativity, if that is what it is. So I will clean up on my way back out.

Attachment 25125

With much compassion to every One, realizing this journey can be difficult, and with Much Love,

[Wind]

Just one day without being on the computer and it feels like that I have a missed a ton of new information (I'm an info junkie!)... So is the world already ending? Just kidding, of course.

The winter has been extremely bleak this year (good for me) and the spring seems to be almost here, way too early. Yesterday the sun was shining mildly after weeks and weeks of grey and rainy weather... Today the weather is again grainy, it seems to always reflect to my mood. Or maybe it's vice versa. Well, I'm starting to feel somewhat alive again because I love sunshine and the spring... Also it looks like that I am finally starting to get my health in order, thank God for that.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=9bKwRW0l-Qk

[eaglespirit]

1inMany...try some natural stuff...there is lots out there that may help!

...for instance:

Bacopa

http://www.swansonvitamins.com/swans...Fe87OgodNzwAMQ
...

Omega3 Fish Oil

http://www.amazon.com/Natures-Bounty.../dp/B00225UVDC
...

from Sirdipswitch

https://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...l=1#post805571
...
Other things that PurpleLama and Others here and now have suggested

[Dtravis]

Yes the journey can be terrible at first but just smile look in your mirror and say I love you to yourself and you will get through I no I have been there and it hurts but I am a much stronger women for it and so will you be If you need to talk let me no I am all ears. No bull just truth and facts. if you get down write me ok God speed

[Dennis Leahy]

Posted by 1inMany (here)
...I go through periods where I miss being on meds, and this is one. Adderall kept me focused on one task long enough to complete it and feel a sense of accomplishment. Also gave me a bit of energy so I wouldn't lay in bed all day. Effexor kept my mood from being in the toilet 24/7, I remember humming a lot. And Xanax kept my stomach from being in knots.
...

You may be venting; not asking for advice. So, I'll make it hypothetical, and try putting myself in those moccasins: (extra) water, (extra) exercise, volunteering (even a few hours a month), herbal St. John's Wort.

Posted by 1inMany (here)
... But holy ****, it is painful to lose those. I almost look forward to what is coming, what will replace those, until the reality (which is only here, temporary, and not really reality) hits me...the new replacement parts have not arrived. The check is in the mail.
...

While standing in the middle of a fire, probably the last thing someone would want to hear is that their anguished cries were poetry - and I know that - but maybe later you can look back on this observation of your communication style (rather than me thinking about its content right now): I have to tell you that this is very powerful writing. Poetic prose.

Dennis

[Dtravis]

heck I hung up my spring flowoers in the door just to remind everyone it will get warm lol

¤=[Post Update]=¤

Heck I hung spring flowers in the door just to remind us that their is better weather coming lol

[dan33]

!!

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=2PTbyNxZ9RQ

[ulli]

Today we started out by walking to the nearby Holetown Police Station, to get me a driver's license ...a hand written document that costs only $10 Barbados which is $5 US, and found that the licensing office was now in the town of Speightstown, which is a half hour bus journey towards the north of the island. After that we would get a ride by my relative to the insurance company office, and once we have an insurance cover form all that is left to do is purchasing the road tax, a sticker that goes in the window, and also getting a mechanic to check that the car is roadworthy.
By buying a tiny Suzuki Alto second hand which remains in the drive way of my relative when I not here I can still save
money, as taxis and hired cars all work out incredibly expensive.

The bus ride was fun, I must say, and walking the streets of Speightstown I made a note to return and take pictures to show how different countries still are on this planet.
As we walked we passed three hens clustering together in the middle of the sidewalk, surrounded by four strutting cockerels and it looked like a fight might be imminent. Didn't have my camera with me. LOL. What a picture that would have been.
Anyway, here is one I took later in the afternoon when we were on our way home, after getting the road license.

[ulli]

Some Speightstown street scenes I found on the web

[dan33]

Posted by ulli (here)
Some Speightstown street scenes I found on the web

[eaglespirit]

A Beautiful Morning Here and Now, from a Beautiful Man and His Family and Friends...
RE-Experience BEing Human : )

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=zirBEITCYEI

[carryattune]

How touching this is. Straight to my heart. I am very drawn to the Sioux and the Crow. Some of the Native Americans in the NW United States.

[1inMany]

Dennis, even if I don't ask for advice, yours is always welcome and appreciated, love. And I will tell you, I was not trying to be poetic, but the fact that you saw or heard poetic prose made me feel really good. And I think I am making a trip into town today to pick up some St. John's Wort.

And dan the eagle man, I am quite interested in Bacopa and will be trying that as well. Thank you for that suggestion, I had never heard of it before.

Dtravis, thank you for the offer, I appreciate it very much.

I don't share just to hear myself talk, haha, although it may appear that way...who knows. I would say, or I would guess, that I am undergoing an intense process of spiritual transformation, whether I recognize it as such in the moment or not. Many people will undergo such, it is the only way. So to them, I say: I hear you. It's heavy, but morning comes. Literally. And since morning comes, literally, in 3D, I would posit that morning is just ahead spiritually as well. By spiritually I mean morning will come and the darkness will lift in all other aspects of life, those we experience with the five senses and those we experience outside the five senses. It is quite difficult to maintain this focus when one ray shines through the clouds and then quickly disappears once again. And I (obviously) lose that moment regularly. I am grateful there are those of you who reach out, in ways I know and in ways I cannot, to remind me. Such huge changes are occurring, and while in the middle or in the center of these changes it is easy to get lost. Whatever one can do to hang on to the one ray of sunlight, I say do it.

So this weekend, as people are coming and going and bringing their chaos through my home, and likely challenging my ability to remain strong and hopeful and in my center, I will (at the very least) have a special candle burning. Somewhere not obvious, where I won't have to answer the questions about it...but somewhere that I will see it and it will remind me that I have a spark, a flame, in my center, in my core. Just like that candle. It is who I am. I Am. I may even draw an anchor and put it on the frig door so when I walk by I remember to hold tight.

Blessings to All on this day, and Peace.

Attachment 25139

Much Love,

[carryattune]

For those of you who participate in this out dated tradition.

[dan33]

From his biography.

Now that he was living in a normal neighborhood home with a wife and soon a child, he had to make some concessions to necessity. But it was hard. They got beds, dressers, and a music system for the living room, but items like sofas took longer. “We spoke about furniture in theory for eight years,” recalled Powell. “We spent a lot of time asking ourselves, ‘What is the purpose of a sofa?’” Buying appliances was also
Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson 363
a philosophical task, not just an impulse purchase. A few years later, Jobs described to Wired the process that went into getting a new washing machine: It turns out that the Americans make washers and dryers all wrong. The Europeans make them much better—but they take twice as long to do clothes! It turns out that they wash them with about a quarter as much water and your clothes end up with a lot less detergent on them. Most important, they don’t trash your clothes. They use a lot less soap, a lot less water, but they come out much cleaner, much softer, and they last a lot longer. We spent some time in our family talking about what’s the trade-off we want to make. We ended up talking a lot about design, but also about the values of our family. Did we care most about getting our wash done in an hour versus an hour and a half? Or did we care most about our clothes feeling really soft and lasting longer? Did we care about using a quarter of the water? We spent about two weeks talking about this every night at the dinner table.     They ended up getting a Miele washer and dryer, made in Germany. “I got more thrill out of them than I have out of any piece of high tech in years,” Jobs said.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0E4w3DE5gc...Logo+Miele.jpg

[Carmody]

Miele washers and dryers are always a good idea. You feel good each time you use them. As if you've done something right, or at least the Buddhist maxim 'do no harm' somehow being moved toward, in the way of doing as little harm as possible.

As I really began to understand what is going on, things like detergent, or simple 'dish soap' began to deeply offend me, every time I have to use them.

I also do not understand sofas, not having one. I have one in an upstairs bedroom, it is being used to hold various bits off the floor, and it can be turned into a bed. It has no arms, it just opens up. I like it as it is long enough to lie down on.

The only thing I think a sofa/couch is good for, is to get mid afternoon OBE's when trying to nap.

For that one reason alone, I would tolerate a 'sofa'.

[Carmody]

Posted by Wind (here)

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=9bKwRW0l-Qk

Without it's opposite, we would never know the meaning of joy, or comfort, ease, or love. It would be an infinite grey nothing. Color and difference is the only that that makes life 'be'. If the universe is consciousness (even the physicists speak of 'information', not 'energy'), and there is every reason to think that this is it's origin and existence.... then the price we pay for growth, is to experience greater extremes of color. To deal with the ego is to not lose who you are, but to deal with the negatives with less and less attachment. To learn to ease the bumps and drive toward the highs clearly, ie under control. But even that has it's drawbacks..as the better we get at it the more we move back to a infinite simplistic unchanging grey nothingness.

Horror of horrors....that the greatest intelligence, the greatest reach, greatest moments of being, the greatest moments of all attainable love and existence can only be found .... in the most wicked and extreme of mixes.

I went to yotoob to watch above video and on the same page was this one, always a goodie. same year, in fact, 1979:

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=zg-ivWxy5KE

I can't remember who the Buddhist master was, but one of his more interesting comments was about his fear of dying without having his ego burned down before he left.

To be stretched to the breaking point, just before dissolution....and to find life in the process of building anew, or larger, or better, or greater.... in this new space.

I'm never more alive and free...... than when I'm torn. In those moments, anything is possible.

[eaglespirit]

Hear, Hear!!! : ) : ) : )

Love Is A Battlefield...of the Highest Makings!!!
The True Ego-Softener : )

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=CjY_uSSncQw

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love Is A Battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love Is A Battlefield


You're beggin' me to go, you're makin' me stay
Why do you hurt me so bad?
It would help me to know
Do I stand in your way, or am I the best thing you've had?
Believe me, believe me, I can't tell you why
But I'm trapped by your love, and I'm chained to your side


We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love Is A Battlefield


We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love Is A Battlefield


We're losing control
Will you turn me away or touch me deep inside?
And before this gets old, will it still feel the same?
There's no way this will die
But if we get much closer, I could lose control
And if your heart surrenders, you'll need me to hold


We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love Is A Battlefield


We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love Is A Battlefield


We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love Is A Battlefield


We are strong, no one can tell us we're wrong
Searchin' our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love Is A Battlefield

[araucaria]

Love is a battlefield, yes, or as Byron says, it ain't no sinecure

Who told you guys my dishwasher was bust? Probably some cheap part needs changing but people seem to disagree as to which one. I know someone who might have a use for it and ought to be able to fix it. Otherwise, as with everything, getting it repaired makes no economic sense. Also we have very hard water and something is likely to be scaling up anyway. I'll have a look at the Miele.

[eaglespirit]

I have been having a very strong energy pull of thoughts and action as to this...
I Love You All Here and Now and You can join in if You like...I would like that : )
I feel there is something rather empowering going on here for all of Humanity.

George Lucas sold the bulk of his company and future Star War doings to Disney a while back.
I am prompted to send out some strong and focused Spiritual Energy of Higher Change His Way...on and on and on!
He married and They now have a Child and He basically decided on active 'Philanthropy' as His Primary Way!

I have an extremely good feeling about what can be accomplished through His New Workings!
May just as well give Him some Spirit Help!

Bye the bye...He is very much into Joseph Campbell's work : )

Thank You All !!!