I am a criminal

[Ray]

Perhaps this public confession will help us all toward a path of health and true happiness. I haven't broken any laws - so all you NSA grad students can just calm down right now. My crime is of the same nature as yours - perfectly legal and of the most insidious nature - for I am a smoker.

Before the rest of you jump to conclusions, relax - you won't hear me lament about second hand smoke 'cause I use a commercial air filter to completely remove it. Nor will I whine about the health of the body which writes these words. My concern is for the waste, the heart breaking astronomical waste of potential good that I have contributed to.

Ten US dollars a day. Three thousand five hundred something per year...or whatever... can you imagine the human benefit that money could have provided to anyone anywhere in the world?

But no... I had to smoke it. I know cigarettes are full of dangerous chemicals and produced by an evil, megalithic corporation controlled by sociopathic elite families, but yet I still CHOOSE to give them my ten dollars every single day. What is wrong with me?

If a homeless person asks me for one I won't even consider it, they're so expensive. Were I to find myself without these 'neat little soldiers of death' I would consider myself to be suffering. Is this what being insane is?

I am so pathetically self centered that I suffer, indeed I invite illness and pain ( I pay dearly for it!) with my hard earned money rather than help any fellow with it! I would literally be better off (more healthy) burning a ten dollar bill every day! Of course I would never do THAT! THAT would be insane!

And of course I would NEVER consider giving YOU ten dollars every day! Nor you!Nor you! THAT too would be insane! No, I must exchange the money with McSatanCorp for twenty little white sticks, set them aflame and suck the smoke out of them one at a time. After all, it's MY money, right?

If that's not criminal, I don't know what is.

peace

[Snowflower]

Good definition of addiction, Ray. I know because I am a sugaholic. Same trouble, different poison.

[Sidney]

Hi Ray, Wecome to Avalon!!!!! Interesting post. I won't riddle you with ways to quit, I am sure you already know them all. So All I can say, is I forgive you. And you can forgive yourself. We are humans, which allows us to be imperfect. When the time is right, you will know when to give them up.

[joeecho]

Ray, it's not as big a deal as your mind makes it out to be.

Go easy on yourself.

All is well.

[GuyFox]

Give it up.
If you want to beat the McSatans, and MonSatans of the world - you need to stop giving them your business

[enfoldedblue]

Hi Ray, I smoked on and off for many years and like you one of my concerns was supporting the evil corporations that make their money off addictions. In the end I found an organic tobacco that I felt somewhat better about smoking. I actually found it easier to quit from the organic tobacco probably because less addictive chemicals involved. at first it was a bit hard to shift to the organic tobacco as it wasn't what I was used to, but like most things I did get used to it...and ended up preferring it.

I finally let go for good just before I got pregnant. Pregnancy was the best incentive to keep me from going back...unfortunately that is probably not very useful info for you ...lol

Thanks for sharing

[Ray]

Ah my gracious friends! Thank you all for the kind words, but I fear my black heart is the root of all evil. The actual burning of energy, money, life, whatever it IS must surely be the greatest sin against my fellows, most of whom are in greater NEED than I.

joeecho - it is that very other in your sig line I'm concerned with! That which I deny in favor of self! Shame on me! At least give me a chance... I'm just waking up...
snowflower - hopefully you don't have to live with the guilt of wasting an amount that could have probably built a high school in Africa on sweets....
sydney - I truly thank you for such kind and gentle words. They are well received yet, I believe discrimination is supremely important wherever forgiveness is considered.

[Tesseract]

We all have our vices, no need to be ashamed. We all waste a little money on unnecessary things.. that said, I sometimes think about it in the way you have described too. Personally, the thought of becoming addicted to a substance terrifies me, which is why I don't smoke. I hope you achieve the mental snap that allows you to quite cold Turkey, if that's what you want. And welcome to Avalon btw.

[joeecho]

Posted by Ray (here)
Ah my gracious friends! Thank you all for the kind words, but I fear my black heart is the root of all evil. The actual burning of energy, money, life, whatever it IS must surely be the greatest sin against my fellows, most of whom are in greater NEED than I.

joeecho - it is that very other in your sig line I'm concerned with! That which I deny in favor of self! Shame on me! At least give me a chance... I'm just waking up...
snowflower - hopefully you don't have to live with the guilt of wasting an amount that could have probably built a high school in Africa on sweets....
sydney - I truly thank you for such kind and gentle words. They are well received yet, I believe discrimination is supremely important wherever forgiveness is considered.

The 'other/ addiction' is like quicksand that you are entitled to struggle with as long and as often as you wish to or you can let it pass by like the blink of an eye.

Everyone and everything has it's 'obstacles' but they are not what they appear to be.


But maybe all you need to hear is the same old song and dance routine for addictions. That road is well marked.

I wish you well either way my friend.

P.s. "the forgotten recitation", are you referring to the serpent of old?

[Ray]

Thanks 'blue for the encouragement, but it's clear you all think waaaaay too much of me. I could stop smoking tomorrow and still wouldn't give YOU ten dollars a day for the rest of my life. Not even if your precious child needed some special medicine to live. I have a home full of plants which I care for generously, a Bassett hound sleeping on my lap and tears in my eyes as I write this but it's true. These are MINE...those are YOURS...

Such behavior is not human. It does not warrant sympathy or compassion or forgiveness.

It demands change

[enfoldedblue]

So I'm curious...what exactly are looking for through this thread?

[Nine]

Dearest Ray,

I respect your total honesty here...

However, is this not a symptom of our culture of lack or scarcity?

In a world of abundance would such need for addiction be necessary?

Addiction it seems to me comes from somewhere else other than your humanity...as it were....


I don't believe that the humble tobacco plant is evil but maybe our controllers added many things to it.....maybe?

And in our slave society based on scarcity one needs a stimulant to survive to work and work and work for what?

You are not the criminal but however, many criminals are in charge of many things in this world.....

To use tobacco or not is a choice and it depends upon what one wants to do in life....

For many activities in life like for an athlete the use of tobacco is a negative and for some who are social a great cigar with a great brandy in moderation brings great pleasure and so it is what one wants to do with ones own life....

And so I would say to you what in this life do you want to do? Does tobacco help or hinder that pursuit?

Thanks for your post....


Nine

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

Dear Ray: ROLL YOUR OWN I think it's cheaper! Not necessarily tastier, but MAYBE -- maybe there is hope?
Maybe if you had more cigarettes with you, it would be less stressful. RYO = less money per cigarette.
That ten dollars will get you much farther with a red roller and sack of tobacco.


My family grew tobacco. I worked in it as a child -- not every step, but most of them. It's very hard work,
for what amounts to very little money in the long run, considering the hours of labor and many steps to the process.

I read somewhere that the Native Americans some genes for Schizophrenia, and that nicotine helps keep that in check.
Could be wrong -- but did you notice the "nervous types" who always have a cigarette? Like the piano player, what's his name -- David Helfgott.
SHINE -- that movie, you saw it? He is literally ALWAYS smoking if there is a free hand to do so.
In one scene of the film, he is holding a cig in one hand and playing the flight of the bumblebee with the other.




So like the others said, don't judge yourself too harshly.
But don't be like me and just ignore your morals either.



Quitting booze was one of the easiest and best things I ever did for myself.
I miss it a lot and would benefit from an occasional drink. But for me, one is never enough--
and for many cig smokers one is not enough.


Although it's not my place to recommend psychedelics, I would say considering it's the cancer cure,
you might think about growing your own, too -- but not tobacco. Something more exciting.

*shrug* Who knows?

[Georgesdragon]

Ray, I`m sure you well on the way to taking control back as you recognize there is something not right, don`t be a slave to your habits, you are the master of yourself. I too was easily fooled into smoking for quite a number of years, I even thought I enjoyed it , DOH..... That dragon is now slain, dead and buried along with the stench....
I also like joeechos` rhyme above its worthy of sharing.

[Lifebringer]

I'm wanna get real honest here about the same addiction conversation being discussed, but there is still a few with bias here in the lower vibratory. One day I promise to share, it's just that when new people come, the family expands, and the check double check before posting/cautious speech of my experiences, comes. This is to be expected, I'm not so selfish as to only want to talk to those I trust now, when others may need what I have to say. I'll just put the words "survivor of all that was bad" and chalk it up to the need to communicate this experience in the immediate community that needs it so desperately, in the other circles for now. Any addiction of anything is always the hell they fall into when the greed for more and more and more, takes over all common sense or sensibility. I still smoke, I can't afford the electronics regularly to ease the nicotine off, and my teeth are so in need of repair, if I chew the gum, I'd be pulling it out between the fillings. LOL Thanks healthcare for disabled seniors under 65. If you're not a kid, all dental must be a separate bill. 20 years, but baking soda and peroxide do okay w/me.

I'm just going through some stuff right now, that makes quitting inconvenient, as the stress of piled up bills by a spouse for the umpteenth time, is causing a separation so he can pay bills once again by himself for a year, and learn to live w/in his means. He's addicted to having at least 20 or 25 dollars in his pocket a day. He used to be a pizza driver, and the tips per day, have him juggling monthly expenses w/his better half accountant wife, just sitting on the side lines, as he swishes his credit, my credit, our money, down the debt toilet to tie us into 1 place to live w/no vacation after raising 9 children and putting them in college, now he wants to get frivolous. Ahhhhhhhh!

I'm older by a couple years, and am kicking myself in the mind for seeing it going on, and not being able to stop it, because unfortunately, "he's not the type to discuss money w/women. Ahhhhhhhhh.....again.


Phew.. that felt good to purge, I've decided to kick him out until I can get my bills back down and a trial in this marriage, of "who we really are" as a spouse. Debt isn't sexy and I'm over 50, so he's really pushing his luck and the wrong buttons if he wants to get intimate. That's another addiction of his/middle age male reliving. There in lies a problem that I can't seem to get him to understand. I can't say I love someone that hurts me financially, because the disciplined accountant on a fixed income refuses to. That's not ego after 14 years and only one vacation, it's a "survival mechanism" to regain my security and independence, where I'm just not stuck. You know I've never asked this guy for a dime during our marriage, and now it seems he's always "not asking but taking" because the bills must be paid in my name, and there's no extra to bury me, AGAIN. Ahhhhhhhhhhh..... wooooossssssssssssaaaaaaaahhhhh...wooooossssaaaahhhhh.....

I'll continue to keep telling myself that addiction was the worst, but my cigarettes are keeping me from "tasing his greedy self-centered ego-arrogant" 7 lower back deteriorating sciatic nerve foot dragging funky breath a**! Where's the ego to fix them teeth so I can kiss you in love? HA! I could go on, and I will at some other time. I will share as deeply about the "survival of addiction" soon.

As you can see, I'm a little busy right now regaining my dignity in my marriage. I have a caveman, I call him my "gorilla" he was my protector, but he got greedy and took advantage. I'm awake and didn't tell him I was for a few years, to see what was going on and observing how much I lost of myself. I love service to others, but there are others that don't just "TAKE" advantage.

My smokes are a crutch and somebody's elses savior. As a carpenter and construction contractor for house framing/disabled now due to other trades obtained that were hard on a woman, a lot of bosses could have got tossed off a roof for playing with my money, if you know what I mean. He's like one of the "bosses" when it comes to "our" income.

What's with the 10 bucks stuff I pay 3.14. not name brand, but a coffin nail is a coffin nail.

[truth4me]

Posted by Ray (here)
Thanks 'blue for the encouragement, but it's clear you all think waaaaay too much of me. I could stop smoking tomorrow and still wouldn't give YOU ten dollars a day for the rest of my life. Not even if your precious child needed some special medicine to live. I have a home full of plants which I care for generously, a Bassett hound sleeping on my lap and tears in my eyes as I write this but it's true. These are MINE...those are YOURS...

Such behavior is not human. It does not warrant sympathy or compassion or forgiveness.

It demands change

well if you feel it demands change then YOU change........

[mosquito]

Ray - Try looking at it another way. I don't know this for a fact about the USA, but in the UK, most of the cost of your habit would go to ... THE GOVERNMENT. So in my far-from-humble opinion, the CRIME, is that these bastards in suits don't use all that tax money for the good of humanity as a whole, or at the very least the people they are elected to serve. (Oops sorry, made myself fall off the chair in fits of laughter there.)

Go easy on yourself. I give myself permission to smoke when I want to (and YES Tesla, rolled cigs taste orders of magnitude better than the cardboard-tipped chemicals) and not smoke when I don't want to. That goes for all my other oh-so-human vices too.

[sirdipswitch]

Bah hum bug. I smoke cuz I like it, and it helps keep the Lizards away. You can chalk it all up to brain washing and control. Reptillians are highly allergic to tobbaco. And we, were messin up the food supply. Parents smokin even "taints" the "flavor" of the kids, so they can't eat them either. Make everyone quit smokin, and the Lizards have more to eat. Yep, you hear a bunch of firsts, on this forum.
chuckle chuckle chuckle.

[ulli]

Addiction is rampant everywhere because we are not educated early in life about how the instinctive part of us functions.
The mind is always weaker than emotions, and emotions are weaker than instinct.
And instinct is vulnerable to interrdimensional influences.

Only when this is properly understood can one make an assessment of how the enemy operates,
and use the mind to build a strategy to get out of absurd or unwanted behavior patterns.

The first thing is to find out what is still out there that we can get passionate about,
and let that vision seep into our being, via the top.
Then the bad habits which stem from the lower chakras can gradually drop away by themselves,
having been replaced by new habits which actually assist in finding our place in life.
So shedding old unwanted habits is like a snake shedding its skin.

I quit smoking when I got pregnant, 35 years ago. Started again ten years later,
but this time I made a study of the inner voices that prompted me to light up.
Started really zooming in on those voices at the check-out counter of the shop where I bought the cigarettes,
and got extra strength at those moments. Stopped buying.

Then all that was left was not accepting one from my smoker friends.
In the end I decided the easiest route was to just drop those friendships. It worked.
And guess what...it was worth it.
I would feel like sh!t today if I was still smoking.
Now I still have hardly any physical habits that have me feeling miserable
The battles continue, but more on an emotional and intellectual plane.
To do mainly with overcoming fears, and developing courage, with overcoming inertia,
and acting on inspiration, intuition, rather than instinctive impulses.

[WhiteFeather]

No Crime Here Ray: Tobacco is a very sacred plant to the native indian tribe. But if i may,,,,,Try and see if you can utilize a pipe instead of cigarettes.
This worked for me as an awesome pacifier, as it helped me to quit smoking cigarettes altogether since last September. I'm saving over $300 dollars a month and still smoking. Im enjoying smoking more than ever now. Many people i come across love the aroma too. Pipe tobacco is much better to smoke than cigs IMO and much, much, cheaper. I get 9 oz of Virginia Gold Pipe Tobacco (Choice of Vanilla, Black and Gold, Cherry, Cavendish etc.) for just 12 bucks. It lasts me almost 3 weeks. Some great aromas too i may ad. It worked for me to get over that edge.

PS: You can also grow your own tobacco, to really save. You can purchase tobacco seeds anywhere on the internet.