It Might Be Time To Fire Your Friends

[rgray222]

Do you keep negative company?
Don’t let someone who has a bad attitude give it to you. Don’t let them get to you. They can’t pull the trigger if you don’t hand them the gun. When you remember that keeping the company of negative people is a choice, instead of an obligation, you free yourself to keep the company of compassion instead of anger, generosity instead of greed, and patience instead of anxiety.

It might be easier to blame your friendships for your unhappiness than to do an honest introspection into your own life. Make sure you assess the real reasons for your negativity before letting go of old friendships. Figure out how you feel after spending time with 'friends'.

It Might be Time to Fire Your Friend(s)
A lot of people are not happy and feel negative about the world and people in general. If it is negative people causing this, once you let go you will:

• Have more freedom and confidence in yourself
• Strengthen bonds with truly supportive friends and find your other relationships more rewarding
• Real friends won't constantly let you down
• Attract more like minded positive people into your life

When to Fire Your Friend(s)

• If you maintained friendships that suck the life out of you, but because the person hung with you through your hard times and you feel compelled to listen to their negativity............it is time for change
• If you moved on and find that you no longer have commonality with someone.................it is time for change
• If you are keeping a friendship just to feel needed........it might to time for change
• If your keeping someone as a friend because you think they need your help.......it might be best to let go and let them help themselves.
• If you were ever lonely and just wanted someone to hang out with and now feel obligated to that person......it is time for change
• If you friendship revolved around addiction, drugs, alcohol, etc.......it is time to move on
• If you were going through some extremely negative times in your life you may have attracted a like minded person as a friend......it's probably time to let go and make the change.
• There are dozens of reasons why negative people are in your life but most of us never take the time to evaluate friendships. Do yourself a favor and make time for this exercise.

How to Fire a Friend(s)
There is an easy answer to this.......... Sure, it would be great to be right up front and tell them that they are dragging you down or causing you to look at the negative side of life. Who knows, they could be completely unaware of the way they are behaving or that it affects you so negatively. So you could be the catalyst for positive change in their life. We all won't or can't be that honest, so do it anyway you can. No matter what you do they will be upset, angered and think you are being disrespectful or juvenile so there is no easy way! Just do it!

There is No Going Back Once You Fire the Negative People in Your Life
Make sure that the reasons you’re cutting ties are the right ones, and that it’s not a way to further isolate yourself or prove to yourself that you don’t deserve goodness in your life. If for some reason you can't fire a friend (such as family) then don't let them hold you back, drastically cut the time you spend with them.

Why You Need to Be Aware of Who You're Associating With
Friends should be there to support you and to enrich your life. If they’re bringing you down, it’s time to move on. The people you choose to surround yourself with should also be great spirits who inspire you to be the absolute best you can be.

If you have unhealthy friendships or groups in your life, ask yourself "why" and then as soon as you can, let them go. Life is too short and you have so much to offer the world to be limited by the small thinking people you'll find all around you.

The key point is to be aware of who you're associating with. If you're around negative people all the time very likely you'll find that you start to think this way too. If you're with positive, excited to be alive people, that will rub off on you. It's an easy way to build confidence just by being aware of what kind of people you surround yourself with. Unhealthy friendships take a lot of energy and really just aren't worth it.

Of course there is a flip side.........what kind of friend are you being?

[Sidney]

One by one I let most of my friends "go", that includes my family also. I have been a good friend throughout my life and try to pitch in and help when people are in need, however when I got sick with a chronic illness, my efforts were not reciprocated. On top of that I became intolerant of mainstream chit chat about sports,politics and mainstream television. When I try to educate people regarding gmos and/or chemtrails, I became the crazy person in their view. I thought surely that many people can't be brainwashed into denial. Well, friends, they can, they did, and they are. It is a lonely place being aware. But I would rather be lonely, than fake my way around all these people. It simply just takes all the energy out of a person to even try. Now, my cats? They appreciate me for me. And of course, my online family. I may not be able to hang out in person with most of my friends, but thats ok.

[Dick]

Nice thread, thanks.
It is feeling natural to me to leave the persons behind which are a negative influence in my daily life.
And i'm feeling good choose your own way of living, and enjoy it, every day.
Dick.

[AutumnW]

Even though they stuck by you through your hard times, there is no reason to put up with their negativity? Am I getting the right read on this?

If you are friends with somebody because you think they need your help-- best move on and let them help themselves? Really? Such a Good Samaritan attitude!!



If you were ever lonely and just needed someone to hang out with, best let go of that person rather than feel obligated? Truly. Go ahead, use people when you are lonely and feel no compunction about dropping them afterwards.

"Friends should be there to support and enrich YOUR life". Because it is, after all, all about YOU. You don't want people who are angry and anxious in your life, you know, like possibly 'suffering' because that would be a downer and YOU deserve all positive sunny experiences with people, at all times.

Otherwise friendships might require effort that might, you know, deepen you as a person and take the focus off yourself. As we all know we are living in a Narcissistic commodified world and friends can and should be thrown out if they are defective. Get used to it!!

There are a few points the author makes that make good sense. If people are abusive, are really hard to be around and you have neither the time or energy to help them, then some attrition is required.

If friends have personality disorders that resist change and are super annoying or harmful, toss them.

The reason I reacted to this thread in the manner I did is because I was the unpaid therapist to a 'friend' for seven years. When she moved away I never heard from her again. I poured so much of myself into trying to help her and when husband and I were of no use, she discarded us.

So I am reading 'how to fire friends' from what I am sure her perspective would be.

[Ioneo]

I did it many years ago and have been living a peaceful harmonious life ever since .......

[AutumnW]

It's funny, I had this negative reaction to the original post because the former friend, mentioned above, sent a card that arrived just a couple of days ago, (after 3 years) saying "I am sorry I treated you that way" She then proceeded to describe the stress she was under and how she couldn't think straight at the time. She managed to include all of her recent problems, to boot. Apparently, it is part of her Buddhist practice to clean up her karma, to make amends. But she left no way for me to get back in touch with her.

"I am sorry I sucked the life out of you and then dropped you. Nevertheless, you are still,discarded. Now I have closure, have shed a karmic burden and can go on".

Can you say, "NARCISSIST" ??

And yes, I have shed a casual friend, recently who has a profoundly jealous personality and has treated me very weirdly on several occasions. I blew it off. But the last time-- cruel and lying too!! Caught red handed! Done, just done!

Family, same! I've had it.

[GuyFox]

Not everyone who "gives you bad news" is toxic.

Sometimes a true friend needs to delivery such news, before we can hear it

[Camilo]

Whenever you raise your level of vibration and expand your consciousness, it happens automatically. Family, friends, etc, they're the ones that drop out of your life/reality, as they can't survive/relate to you any longer at this new level of consciousness/reality.

[AutumnW]

Posted by Sidney (here)
One by one I let most of my friends "go", that includes my family also. I have been a good friend throughout my life and try to pitch in and help when people are in need, however when I got sick with a chronic illness, my efforts were not reciprocated. On top of that I became intolerant of mainstream chit chat about sports,politics and mainstream television. When I try to educate people regarding gmos and/or chemtrails, I became the crazy person in their view. I thought surely that many people can't be brainwashed into denial. Well, friends, they can, they did, and they are. It is a lonely place being aware. But I would rather be lonely, than fake my way around all these people. It simply just takes all the energy out of a person to even try. Now, my cats? They appreciate me for me. And of course, my online family. I may not be able to hang out in person with most of my friends, but thats ok.

I have had a lot of that too, particularly from family. Friendships can't always be reciprocal for a variety of reasons, but attempts should at least be made, or the concept of friendship holds no meaning.

[Sidney]

Posted by Camilo (here)
Whenever you raise your level of vibration and expand your consciousness, it happens automatically. Family, friends, etc, they're the ones that drop out of your life/reality, as they can't survive at this new level of consciousness/reality.

Camilo, that really does make perfect sense. I never really looked at it from the vibration speed angle before.

[rgray222]

Posted by GuyFox (here)
Not everyone who "gives you bad news" is toxic.

Sometimes a true friend needs to delivery such news, before we can hear it

I agree, a true friend would not only deliver the bad news but share in your pain, your anguish and if necessary your grief. A true friend would allow you the space and time you need to heal but they would also recognize when to help you move back on the road to recovery. Our true friends are not super human so they can't do it all perfectly. They come with their own set of idiosyncrasies and flaws but you know that their help and support is from the heart.

They don't editorialize what you are going through and they don't dwell in the negative. When you get to the other side you can laugh with a true friend about the pain you experienced or at the very least take comfort from the stronger bond between real two "real" friends.

[Wind]

Posted by Camilo (here)
Whenever you raise your level of vibration and expand your consciousness, it happens automatically. Family, friends, etc, they're the ones that drop out of your life/reality, as they can't survive at this new level of consciousness/reality.

That's sad, but true. Then again I have found out that once you raise your vibration you will attract friends who are at the same level spirtually, even if you don't meet them face to face. This world wide web has enabled it.

[Shezbeth]

I used to maintain a group of friends who associated and bonded over many years. At first, we shared common interests, pursuits, and ideas, but over time something changed; or rather, nothing changed. As I became more interested, involved, and participatory in developing aspects of my awareness of myself, my surroundings, and the circumstances going on in the world, I watched as my friends became increasingly stagnant and non-conducive to growth and development. They were happy with the person they were yesterday and saw no need to grow beyond it. This is not inherently bad, but I was not satisfied to do likewise.

Over time, through my activities and pursuits and an increasingly glaring lack that was observable in those friends, I reached a breaking point where I could no longer maintain interactions. I found myself encouraged to maintain habits, behaviors, and perceptions which were not beneficial to me. Several times in particular I was encouraged to be more like the "old" FA (given nickname) instead of the "new" one.

I didn't dislike them certainly, but I was painfully aware of a lack of emergence that was being displayed and practiced. Not only was I not satisfied to maintain such practices in my own behavior, but I was unable/unwilling to either entertain or implicitly approve of a continued refusal to emerge. I was not dissatisfied with who I was yesterday, but was aware of who I could be tomorrow and actuated/motivated to pursue being that person today, even if I should be unsuccessful. There was more I could learn, more I could accomplish, and more I could aspire to.

I chose to move away with my sworn. While I miss the comfort of the friendships - the familiarity, the commonality, and the camaraderie - I also recognize in the aftermath how maintenance of the friendships was very distracting and taxing on my development. The things we shared and had in common were nice but were serving as a crutch of sorts in addressing the challenges which could be addressed. These friends were perfectly willing to expose each other and myself to the 'new and exciting' distractions they had come across (video games and fantasy football being glaring examples) but unwilling to make their own situation better (vocationally, educationally, etc.).

I bear none of these friends any ill will, but in maintaining the friendships I was less want to apply critical analysis to the circumstances and practices they and I had perpetuated. I found out later that largely in response to my decision to move away and set out on my own, several of my old friends had opted to do likewise and have since begun to and/or built a life for themselves. Several of my old friends however, still live at the same places (some still at home with parents) and still play hours of video games every day. They are disinterested in being aware of what is going on in the world at large and are individually content with their rigidly small world.

I would like to have been more active in assisting friends to develop themselves into a larger expression of themselves, and realize now that that ideology was part of the problem I had entertained for too long. This parallels with a post I made in the 'Saving Others' thread, but I realized that the best I could do for friends and myself was to move on and grow independently. What was good for the group was no longer good for me, so I could not in good conscience continue to go with the group.

Long winded I know, but suffice it to say that I agree with the sentiment and spirit of the OP and I thank you RGray for posting it; it has given me suitable motive for a reevaluation and assessment.

In reflection, I feel the term 'fired' is inaccurate for my friends, but I did choose 'not to renew their contract'; my family on the other hand got sh!t-canned, but that's another story entirely.

[Carmody]

Buddhists are in isolation, in their various ways... as attachment means no advancement. A year in isolation can mean lifetimes of movement.

This does not mean isolate one's self, if that is not the thing to do for you, if one is not ready, if one is not in that phase, or moment, or state of being. There is no forcing of the self, or others - that is functional.

[AutumnW]

Shezbeth, Sometimes it is best to make a break. The lifestyles of some people are so blighted and depressing you don't have much choice. You weren't abandoning people who had provided financial emotional support for you for many years. I was clearly used and then discarded. I have been too trusting and the flip side of too trusting is becoming embittered. I am wrestling with that currently and hope to come out the other side less reactive, less easily triggered.

When you have experienced unexpected abandonment recently, much of what you read about severing ties, unless there is fare warning and a good reason given to the person subjected to it is massively triggering.

[AutumnW]

Posted by Carmody (here)
Buddhists are in isolation, in their various ways... as attachment means no advancement. A year in isolation can mean lifetimes of movement.

This does not mean isolate one's self, if that is not the thing to do for you, if one is not ready, if one is not in that phase, or moment, or state of being. There is no forcing of the self, or others - that is functional.

And what about basic loyalty to those who love you? The most significant and difficult job we have here is navigating personal relationships. A bit of isolation for perspective is wise but we are here to learn how to form compassionate caring bonds with others. Detachment from desire is the goal, not detachment from other people. That is simply escaping hard work

[AutumnW]

Posted by Camilo (here)
Whenever you raise your level of vibration and expand your consciousness, it happens automatically. Family, friends, etc, they're the ones that drop out of your life/reality, as they can't survive at this new level of consciousness/reality.

So true in some instances. As you evolve you will actually start to piss some people off. I think too, that as opaque as you become to them, the more transparent former friends, family, associates become to you.

[GrnEggsNHam]

Friendship is objective... It's a word we have created and developed. There is no reason to adhere anymore meaning to it. It's like basic computer language 1 and 0. You are friends or you aren't. It's very simple. If you are friends you can go decades without communicating. When you do encompass each others sphere of influence again you are "friends" and enjoy the company. There is no need to think on this what so ever. It happens naturally and if they think otherwise they are not friends...

Some have said it's hard to be friends with me lol .

[rgray222]

Posted by Shezbeth (here)
I used to maintain a group of friends who associated and bonded over many years. At first, we shared common interests, pursuits, and ideas, but over time something changed; or rather, nothing changed. As I became more interested, involved, and participatory in developing aspects of my awareness of myself, my surroundings, and the circumstances going on in the world, I watched as my friends became increasingly stagnant and non-conducive to growth and development. They were happy with the person they were yesterday and saw no need to grow beyond it. This is not inherently bad, but I was not satisfied to do likewise.

In reflection, I feel the term 'fired' is inaccurate for my friends, but I did choose 'not to renew their contract'; my family on the other hand got sh!t-canned, but that's another story entirely.

Shezbeth
I think as your awareness awakens and you become sensitive to what is happening in the world you leave many of your old friends behind. Unfortunately it is a journey that not everyone is willing to make and rarely being made by groups. Once you embark on this odyssey it is impossible to turn back. Consequently many of your friends remain on the platform never willing to put their first foot on the train.

I did consider the word 'fire' before I used it, I didn't particularly like it but thought it was appropriate.

[Shezbeth]

Posted by rgray222 (here)
I did consider the word 'fire' before I used it, I didn't particularly like it but thought it was appropriate.

Having thought about it, I would have refrained form stating any inaccuracy of the term 'fire', as my perception of inaccuracy was in relation to the friends I was describing; earlier friends were most definitely and appropriately fired.

Well before the group of friends and associates who I described at length above, I had and maintained a smaller group of more intimate friends for whom the relationship was quite predatory (energetically and emotionally). These are individuals from whom I had some of the most significant 'injuries' (figuratively) and from whom I have some of the deepest scars, though they are also those who predominantly taught (indirectly) about appropriate boundaries when dealing with friends and associates. The psychological standpoints from which they originated the behaviors had nothing to do with me, however in my own nescience I was willing to participate with them in a manner that was injurious and unhealthy. Strictly speaking these were not friends, but were (I hate the term but I'll use it) Frenemies. In the firing metaphor, they are individuals who if contacted by a prospective 'employer' (friend) would get a negative reference, whereas the above-referenced friends would get a reasonably positive reference.

Simply, the suggestion of inaccuracy was due to my own attempt to simplify my expressions from a limited frame of reference, not from any actual or empirical inaccuracy. 'Firing' is quite sound when applying proper context.