My wanderings between a rock and a hard place.

[astridmari]

Deleted the post as I felt the post was not wellwritten.

[Frank V]

Hi Carola,

Your post is so long and contains so much information, and I do not have all the answers either, but I do want to touch upon a thing or two that you described here, for whatever my reply is worth. ;-)

Posted by astridmari (here)
It seems to me I am a very slow learner and perhaps a bit of a wimp too.

This is really putting me out there but I am at my wits end and in great need of your experienced opinions. Abide with me please since I seem to have lost the ability to evaluate my own situation in any fruitful way. Is there a point of reference that may begin to let this unravel for me? Is this a fantasy of mine, a psychosis, a Kundaliniexperience, evil spirits, ET, ED or what?

Maybe a bit of several of those things combined?

Posted by astridmari (here)
[...]
A bit later in time but during this period of serious seeking – a period of about 3 months in spring 1983. Something happened to me that I can´t explain. A vessel (?) in a very bright light suddenly hovered outside my window. Somebody that knew about my experimenting with my own consciousness and that was faster than you can blink or was it a trick of my imagination, hallucinations even?
I couldn’t see anything with my eyes but I had some inner perception of the situation. Somebody started to grab hold of me through a hole in my right calf and tried to pull me out. Is that even possible? What kind of technique is that? Suddenly I was walking side by side holding hands with somebody walking right out in the thin air. I sort of snapped awake and – no I don’t want to go with. I was scared. It went dark.

That sounds like an astral experience. There are multiple levels and layers of existence, and multiple types of beings in each of those. People generally refer to that as "beings from another dimension", but that is a complete misnomer, based upon the notion that dimensions are "places" - they are not.

Posted by astridmari (here)
After this it was even harder to go to sleep. I also woke up of from pain in my right calf – thinking they had come back and tried to take me away again. I didn’t like the thought of creatures that I couldn’t see that were able to come and go as they pleased in my house. They saw me, but I couldn’t see them. My body was no protection, I felt very vulnerable.

As it sounds to me, you might be - by lack of a better term - an advanced soul, who came to Earth in this time to help out. As an aside, I would like to point at Dolores Cannon's material and Mary Rodwell's material on account of this subject, and for that matter, I would like to plug this thread here which was started by myself and two other Avalonians with regard to this group here, which in turn we started in an attempt to find others such as ourselves.

That said, assuming that you are indeed a Volunteer and given that you were experimenting with the boundaries of your own consciousness and powers, you are in the crosshairs of The Bad Guys ™, which means that they will come and harass you. They cannot have anyone outgrowing them in power and undermining their agenda.

Posted by astridmari (here)
On another occasion it felt like a tiny little ant walked slowly up my spine. When it got to the inside of the head I hear myself think – “Now I jump from the left to the right hemisphere. There is no point in staying in the left anymore anyhow”. Where did those thoughts come from? I was familiar with the brain consisting of two hemispheres but never thought of being in only one of them. This is what I later thought perhaps could be associated with Kundalini – about the ant I mean but then again I am not really sure about it either.

I don't have sufficient knowledge about kundalini to be able to tell you what that was. However, you must realize that we sometimes pick up thoughts and even feelings which are not our own, and which are planted in our brain by others. The brain is an electrochemical machine, so it is susceptible to this kind of manipulation by third parties.

Posted by astridmari (here)
When I wake up the morning after this, I feel ill. I am me but it’s not me as usual. I cannot seem to be able to wake up fully. I felt sluggish all day. And the next day and the next and so on. I got several attacks of really bad headaches.
The attacks subsided but the feeling of not being well stayed with me. Like having flu every single day and never being able to snap out of it.

Sounds like you are indeed under some kind of psychic/psionic attack.

Posted by astridmari (here)
[...]
Riding the bus on my way home from work a young girl is preparing to leave the bus. I suddenly can hear my fierce thoughts: “You are so ugly, you are terrible, you think you really are worth something”. What – what am I thinking? A poor person trying to get of the bus, whom I don’t even know? What is this? Where does this come from? Am I evil, a very bad person is that it?

That's what they would want you to think, and why they put those thoughts in your brain. You perceive them as your own, or maybe they actually were your own but then your mind was reacting to a situation which was subliminally planted in your brain and which you subconsciously picked up on.

There are many, many levels and methods of mind control.

Posted by astridmari (here)
Sometimes during daytime a pulse starts pounding inside my head. It was like a little buzz. Nothing around me that I was aware of that made it go off. It just starts and stops now and then. There is also a pressure in my head. It’s like something is moving around in there.

Possibly a scan of some sorts. I have also already been scanned in this manner, three times. I did not feel a pressure in my head or something moving around in there, but I did feel the beam of the scanner sweep from left to right and back in my head, at the height of the nose cavity, and it was coupled to a slightly buzzing effect, yes.

Posted by astridmari (here)
One day I am sitting on the floor, playing cards with a friend when I hear a crystal clear voice very close to my right ear say:” Stop smoking Carola”. Stop smoking it says to me. Stop smoking. I will not stop smoking. Who says that? I get very paranoid about this. I have a little hope that it might be a benign creature wanting what is best for me in the long run but I cannot be sure about it. Could be anything. Best not to listen. Never again have I heard that voice.

Well, as a fellow smoker - who also doesn't want to give up on smoking - I must acknowledge that smoking is unhealthy, and as such, it is possible that somebody somewhere was trying to tell you to quit, possibly because they could foresee problems with your health as a result of your smoking, and because you had already been made contact with, as you described earlier.

Posted by astridmari (here)
I go to the doctor – I need help. The pressure in my head. Feeling like the flu all the time. Something clearly is wrong with me. Nothing is wrong with you, you are young, your eyes are very blue and clear and you are looking very healthy says he.

Ah, doctors... What do they know?

Posted by astridmari (here)
[...]
This has to stop. I start praying for help. I pray for hours, days. Help me, please help me, and so on. And help soon starts arriving.

First out is a Tibetan monk. He is tall, calm and sails through my room. He is of course softly smiling, having a really relaxed approach towards my suffering. I get very angry (!?) and also I feel very ashamed. I ask “Is there no women in heaven? Only men they can send?” It seems I was so scared that I had become hysterical – I couldn´t control my behaviour at all. So the monk smiling sails away.

Next a red flying half naked man comes along. He lands on the windowsill. He is very beautiful but totally red. He has a tail. He just sits there. Somehow I know this man wants to help me but a part of me starts protesting, thinking this is the devil coming to take my soul. I didn’t know I believed in the devil before this. Now I totally believed in him. I panicked, no, no you cannot have my soul. No whatever. Never. Over and over again. I can almost here myself chuckle at myself at the same time that I am suffering like hell. This is serious business.

Okay, let me tell you that there is no such thing as the devil. There are evil beings out there whom humans would, in the absence of a proper understanding, describe as "demonic", but these beings are not "fallen angels", and they do not have a leader named Lucifer.

There is of course a Luciferian religion - practised by the Illuminati and quite distinct from Satanism as founded by Anton LaVey - but it is just that: another religion, invented by the higher-ranking Illuminati as a means to control the lower-ranking ones, and also as a metaphor for their own evil (and as an excuse to hold sick orgies which involve human sacrifice and cannibalism).

Posted by astridmari (here)
[...]
I get very tired. I go to the doctor and she tells med I have HCV, hepatitis–C.

Hepatitis C is exclusively transfered via blood-to-blood contact - this includes organ transplantations - although there is also the controversial claim that it could be sexually transferable. Just so as to get you an idea where you may have gotten it.

Posted by astridmari (here)
[...]
I can’t read, I can’t think straight or logically anymore. Increasing memory loss, short term memory and working memory getting worse. It is difficult to concentrate and to focus. It costs a lot of energy to do so. My learning capacity is almost down to non existent now.

What you are describing above are the symptoms of thyroid damage, and one of the things which are known to damage the thyroid is antidepressant medication. At least, if we're assuming that the damage to your thyroid (and possibly other parts of your body) was done to you in this physical, mortal realm. Psionic attacks could of course also have been targeting your thyroid.

Like I said, I don't have all the answers either, but I hope that my replies will give you at least some pointers. ;-)

[Skyhaven]

Hi Carola,

I can't answer those questions for you, I can imagine those experiences are very unsettling, but maybe you can find some peace if you don't try to judge, or put labels on those experiences. I know this is hard, because the mind always wants answers, but maybe its best to just try to stay in an neutral/accepting state of mind, and not let fear make a vicious web of negative thoughts in the mind. Try to take the observer role and realize that these are just energy forms passing through.

[astridmari]

Thank you Aragorn for your analysis and your time.

Perhaps you are right in "a little of everything". If my headaches are psionic attacks how can I protect myself I wonder? I am rather isolated with this.
About being a volunteer - I simply dont know. I hope there is a meaning to all of this but it isn´t necessary so either. I would think we all are volunteers in one way or another? I have had some lucid dreams about earlier lifetimes. I had a reading from Welsh seer couple a years ago and she says I am blessed with a message and that it will slowly unwind. Well, I don`t know what that could be about just yet. One thing I do know is that I am fed up being a slave.

Again, thank you for caring. I will look into the thread you suggested / Carola

[astridmari]

Posted by Skyhaven (here)
Hi Carola,

I can't answer those questions for you, I can imagine those experiences are very unsettling, but maybe you can find some peace if you don't try to judge, or put labels on those experiences. I know this is hard, because the mind always wants answers, but maybe its best to just try to stay in an neutral/accepting state of mind, and not let fear make a vicious web of negative thoughts in the mind. Try to take the observer role and realize that these are just energy forms passing through.

Thank you Skyhaven, I am trying to do just that but at times it is too hard as you mentioned.
I do feel better now that I have got "my story" of my chest but foremost because that some of you resonded to it. It makes all the difference.

[Skyhaven]

Posted by astridmari (here)

Posted by Skyhaven (here)
Hi Carola,

I can't answer those questions for you, I can imagine those experiences are very unsettling, but maybe you can find some peace if you don't try to judge, or put labels on those experiences. I know this is hard, because the mind always wants answers, but maybe its best to just try to stay in an neutral/accepting state of mind, and not let fear make a vicious web of negative thoughts in the mind. Try to take the observer role and realize that these are just energy forms passing through.

Thank you Skyhaven, I am trying to do just that but at times it is too hard as you mentioned.
I do feel better now that I have got "my story" of my chest but foremost because that some of you resonded to it. It makes all the difference.

Sorry if I came across as a preacher, like I know what to do, I don't really, but I felt I needed to respond with something that at least worked for me to some extent... I know how hard it is dealing with experiences that are unfamiliar to most, but your not alone in this, and I am glad just a response helps.

[Frank V]

Posted by astridmari (here)
Thank you Aragorn for your analysis and your time.

You're welcome. ;-)

Posted by astridmari (here)
Perhaps you are right in "a little of everything". If my headaches are psionic attacks how can I protect myself I wonder? I am rather isolated with this.

There are several methods of building a forcefield around yourself, but I must in all honesty say that not every method has the same effect with every person, and The Bad Guys ™ can eventually penetrate these forcefields. I am yet to find a method which offers 100% of protection.

One of their techniques - depending on whom we are talking about - is to actually put energetic implants in your body, which can attack either your body, your mind, or your energy field. These implants are not of the "physical" type, but energetic, so they won't show up on body scans or X-rays, and they may have already been in your body for a very, very long time. As such, shielding yourself won't be much of a defense, given that the enemy is already "inside the gates", so to speak.

There are people here on Avalon who can detect and disable/remove those implants. If none of them is reading this thread and you would like me to put you in touch with someone, then you may contact me via a private message by clicking this link here.

Posted by astridmari (here)
About being a volunteer - I simply dont know. I hope there is a meaning to all of this but it isn´t necessary so either. I would think we all are volunteers in one way or another?

Well, no, that is not what I meant. I'm talking about souls who are not indigenous to Earth - and some of them, such as myself, are not even indigenous to this universe - and who have come here to assist the evolution of humanity and Earth in this critical time. There are several claims about when and why the Volunteers started coming in, and they may all be valid.

One theory is that they started coming in when mankind began experimenting with the atomic bomb. Another theory is that they started coming in as of the late 1950s and early 1960s because of the fact that the siege which The Bad Guys ™ have put on Earth and humanity could virtually seal humanity's faith forever if mankind doesn't wake up in time, and as such, the Volunteers have come to help humanity reclaim their Free Will and create a better future for themselves, for the planet, and ultimately, also for all other species whom humanity will eventually encounter on its exploration of the universe.

Posted by astridmari (here)
I have had some lucid dreams about earlier lifetimes. I had a reading from Welsh seer couple a years ago and she says I am blessed with a message and that it will slowly unwind. Well, I don`t know what that could be about just yet. One thing I do know is that I am fed up being a slave.

Again, thank you for caring. I will look into the thread you suggested / Carola

Glad to have been of assistance. :-)

[Meggings]

Post deleted with apologies.

[powessy]

Hello astridmari

I would get your thyroid checked it sounds as if you have hypothyroidism, have your doctor draw blood and get a complete blood count and make sure you ask for your t3 and t4 results these identify problems with your body metabolism.

[astridmari]

Posted by powessy (here)
These feelings that you sensed here are called thought forms. If I can imagine it, I can make it, it is really there and has real feelings and thoughts, the souls creating them are called (sparteil), you will feel them on your soul only. The thought forms are really there and made from condensing the veil to create real things like the hand coming out of your calf, or the creatures you would feel on your body that made you feel vulnerable.

That is news to me. I have never heard of sparteil. You mean I created them or somebody else did?

Posted by powessy (here)

Do you know the time lapsed between these two instances?

This ant is not an ant but something very real, In the beginning when I found these words from OURSELVES they believed they were parts, or sides of the mind left and right hemispheres a process they were put through to find yourself and become yourself for other reasons. You could try to find these words from it again, you will find it when you feel something moving on your crown or head.

No I cannot remember the exact time lapse but the voice actually comes later - perhaps a couple months after that the pressure in the head had become severe.
Can you please expand on what you mean by "words from OURSELVES and that they beleived they were parts". Do you mean that the process shows itself via concepts familiar to me?

Posted by powessy (here)
When the ant crawled up to your crown it sits upon your soul, this awakens the soul and this is the reason for your ability to see from behind your eyelids. I would say by the way you are describing these feelings it is still with you today, I could help you with this if you want me to?

It sounds interesting but I am a bit confused about what kind of help you mean. Is it some sort of deactivation, to take the emotional stress away?

Posted by powessy (here)
... taking the melatonin 3mg per night you should start using this again, to get your rest, they will not bother you again after this at night, for they never sleep and will stay in your thoughts all the time seeing your thoughts about thoughts.

What are you refering to when you use the term "they" (they will not bother you again after this at night for they never sleep and will stay in your thoughts all the time seeing your thoughts about thoughts?).

Thank you for your reflections. You have made me very interested and a bit confused too. Perhaps I am not clever enough to understand?

[powessy]

hello astridmari

I hope you find relief from your ailments.

[TraineeHuman]

One of the issues for you, astridmari, is that you have a physical problem, particularly to do with the pressure in your head, and also to do with your not getting enough good quality sleep at night. You need to get an accurate diagnosis, which may be easier said than done. My intuition tells me there is some kind of practitioner of alternate medicine in your part of the world who can give you such a diagnosis. My intuition suggests that this person isn't a reiki partitioner but you might get in contact with them through someone who is a reiki practitioner.

Recently I've been going through a physical problem myself, and I believe it's now been very accurately diagnosed by the combined efforts of two people. One is an old Red Indian medicine man, who can see very accurately inside a person's body with his hand. The other was someone who uses extensive muscle testing (psychokinesis) combined with osteopathic and acupunctural and other such knowledge. My intuition suggests that the thyroid problem isn't the number one problem in your case. My intuition also suggests that you're not receiving psionic harassment. But even if I'm wrong, first you need to get a very accurate diagnosis of the likely causes of your physical symptoms. If your head is feeling considerable pressure, that's a loud message to you from your body that something quite important needs to get fixed.

You've described a whole range of psychic or energetic phenomena as well, as distinct from the purely physical things. I've experienced similar things to just about all of them at various different times. Yes, some of them would be part of a kundalini experience, or the result of such an experience. However, as far as I know once a kundalini experience occurs one feels bliss and great ease, even though there can also be some physical discomfort for a while if some of the energies have gotten stuck somewhere in the body lower than the top of the head. But certainly they don't get stuck for months or years, as seems to be the case with you. Most of the things you describe are very normal and natural for any person whose clairvoyant abilities, including their astral projection abilities, have been unlocked. They may seem strange because most "normal" people don't experience them, or certainly not the way you do. But there's nothing to be frightened or paranoid about there. Rather, I suggest you should be proud, or congratulate yourself, that you have many more abilities than the average person. I happen to know that I'm a Volunteer, which alone is tough in some ways because one is a stranger in a strange land one's whole life long, I guess.

I do hope you find a way to greatly reduce your discomfort soon.

[astridmari]

Posted by Aragorn (here)

There are people here on Avalon who can detect and disable/remove those implants. If none of them is reading this thread and you would like me to put you in touch with someone, then you may contact me via a private message by clicking this link here.

You have a PM in your inbox already.

Posted by Aragorn (here)
Well, no, that is not what I meant. I'm talking about souls who are not indigenous to Earth - and some of them, such as myself, are not even indigenous to this universe - and who have come here to assist the evolution of humanity and Earth in this critical time. There are several claims about when and why the Volunteers started coming in, and they may all be valid.

Yes well I see what you mean now. You were refering to Dolores Cannons waves. I myself feel quite at home here on Earth but have some trouble with people whom I dearly love but cant seem to get a grip on. But I also seem to agree with that australian guy George Kavassilas in a sense that different spieces eat one another, we being the top of the foodchain so to speak - and this is uncomfortable to me.

Thank you again Aragorn for your trouble. You have opened up my situation for a change to get better.

[astridmari]

Posted by powessy (here)

You can read this thread one I have started for ourselves it is in the express yourself portion of members only section. https://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...From-Ourselves

Dear powessy thank you for a possible explanation to my situation.
I have looked into the thread you recommended but at this moment in my life it is too complicated and too much for me to comprehend. There is a lot of dense information in your writings but it doesn´t seem to resonate with me right now. Thank you again for your assistance.

[astridmari]

Posted by TraineeHuman (here)
My intuition suggests that this person isn't a reiki partitioner but you might get in contact with them through someone who is a reiki practitioner.

Well I have tried several times to get some sort of diagnosis but havent been able to get one. Perhaps I should try again as you suggests.

Posted by TraineeHuman (here)
My intuition also suggests that you're not receiving psionic harassment. But even if I'm wrong, first you need to get a very accurate diagnosis of the likely causes of your physical symptoms. If your head is feeling considerable pressure, that's a loud message to you from your body that something quite important needs to get fixed.

I will if possible try to find out about the possibility of psionic harassment via a friend of Aragorn. I also have had the notion that it could be a loud message from my body.

Posted by TraineeHuman (here)
You've described a whole range of psychic or energetic phenomena as well, as distinct from the purely physical things.... They may seem strange because most "normal" people don't experience them, or certainly not the way you do. But there's nothing to be frightened or paranoid about there. Rather, I suggest you should be proud, or congratulate yourself, that you have many more abilities than the average person.

Yes well I sort of expected to be grateful and thinking it expanding to exprerience these things but it seemed something sort of got in the way. I dont know if it is me that being so scared that everything halted and now all there is is pain and presssure or if something else got in my way. I cant seem to get a grip on why I am so scared of it, I cant explain it. It is out of proportion.

Thank you TraineeHuman for your suggestions about getting a diagnosis. I am glad to hear that you have received help with your psysical problem. Perhaps soon I can get my energies together again and try to find a practioner that can help me.