I need a lot of light right now. I need help.

[Trail]

Hi all,

First time I call out for help but I'm at the end of my wits..

My relationship just broke up, we have two small kids of 2.5 and 4.5 years old who need a father.

She does not want to work on our relationship anymore, and in fact is already focusing on someone else who just came into her life the 10th of may.

I called that guy and asked him to give us a break because I really want to work on our relationship for ourselves and our kids.. he said he was already backing of because he didn't want to come in the middle of things.. and that our kids need a father.. so he would stop his advancements..

I actually saw the light.. instead of 3d yes no bickering I went back to the emotion of meeting her and being in love.. then found the spot where I stopped that.. because she had hurt me so much I closed off.. a spiritual friend put a mirror before me and told me that I was the one having power of my own reaction.. and it was my decision to close my heart and start playing 3d drama games.. I really know how to fix this since I was able to instantly compare the feeling/love we used to have with the crap we got to now.. sadly her bucket is full she sais and we are going to have to sell our house wich we bought 1 year ago..

Its so hard to take in for me.. after taking my own responsibility.. I want to fix it with my newly remembered power... Abraham hicks, Eckhart tolle, Neale Donald walsch style... gratefull for my friend to make it clear to me.. sad that it seems to be too late...

She seems to have her mind made up, and giving us no more chance.

I need so much light, I'm very down and out.. please pray/send healing/light for me/us/her/kids.. I see no light..

Thank you so much.
~Trail.

[Becky]

Oh Trail,
This is heartbreaking for you right now. There is light - there is always light, but you're in the shock and trauma part of the situation now so you just can't feel or see that you have hope and life will improve.
You're right to focus on the children and just try to enjoy the times you have with them while you let all the other feelings and emotions settle while the situation is resolved one way or another between you and your partner....but I know it's very hard right now to do this. If you do end up living your lives apart, you can still be the best dad you can to them. Children are resiliant and do have happy and well adjusted lives even if their parents are not still together. It's how you and your partner manage this situation for the kids that makes the difference. Sending loving healing light your way....big hugs,
Becky x

[Tesla_WTC_Solution]

Dear Trail, wishing you strength.

I logged in to post this because yesterday or day prior there was an article on the MSM news, about Beau Biden's passing away, and of course, his family life.

Apparently Joe Biden the US Vice President lost his wife very unexpectedly in a car accident very early in their marriage. To complicate it further one of their young kids also passed on following the crash.

He went on to become a very strong single parent, his kids later talked him into looking around lmao

Joe Biden was sworn in as senator at his sons' hospital bedside a few weeks later, and according to the 1988 political biography "What It Takes," by Richard Ben Cramer, the first-term lawmaker threw himself headlong into single parenthood.

"Joe was the parent. Period. No confusion," Cramer wrote. "Joe didn't want anybody else raising his kids, thanks. He was there every night, every weekend. They had stories at bedtime, games of catch on the lawn, outings, trips, places to go."

Beau and Hunter encouraged their father to remarry, and in 1977 Jill Jacobs, now Jill Biden, wife of the vice president, became their stepmother.

"My mom came along -- I have two moms now -- who came along in 1977 and rebuilt our family, and helped my dad rebuild our family," Beau Biden told CNN in 2012. "She's an incredible mother."

May your future be very promising and full of hope.

[gripreaper]

I would get down on my knee and hang my head low and apologize and promise to change. I would cook the meals, wash the dishes, do the laundry, scrub the toilets, mow the lawn, wash the cars, and then I would take the kids to the park, read them stories, teach them things like gardening, how to ride a bike, etc.

If she wants to talk, you just LISTEN and nod. Keep your mouth shut. If she pushes your buttons, bow out gracefully and go take a walk until the energy clears. Just say "I'm hurting right now and I don't want to say anything that might hurt you or that I might regret. I need time to process."

I would give my wife space by sleeping on the couch and not asking her for anything. Then I would try and see if there is any karmic entanglements or other influences that are triggering old emotions from childhood or past lives, by seeking out counseling, or at the very least, Carol Clarke.

Give it your best shot Trail. The kids are worth it even if you have to live in hell for the next ten years, but whatever the discordant energy is, deal with it. You lead, you clear it in yourself, and the best possible outcome will happen, even if she still decides to leave.

[Olam]

All I can say is be there for the children, be all you are for them as they still love you as always.
I know you know this but its all I can offer....

[3(C)+me]

Most people hate endings, for some it implies failure or maybe what to do next because I really do not know literally what to do with myself because I have been part of this identity called a couple. But endings are just as natural as beginnings. If you really need to salvage this then I wish you luck. But If she really wants to move on I think the best thing to do is respect that, listen to her and attempt to put yourself in her shoes for a minute, don't let your ego take control and try to drive this into the ground or force things, for the times we are in will not support that.
Your hurting, very obvious but so is she and really now it would be a good idea to see what would be best for the kids.
Good luck and I send you love, strength and a good strong heart which will be helpful in times like these.

[robinr1]

man this sounds like absolutely horrible advice ...given what he posted in the opening thread.

Posted by gripreaper (here)
I would get down on my knee and hang my head low and apologize and promise to change. I would cook the meals, wash the dishes, do the laundry, scrub the toilets, mow the lawn, wash the cars, and then I would take the kids to the park, read them stories, teach them things like gardening, how to ride a bike, etc.

If she wants to talk, you just LISTEN and nod. Keep your mouth shut. If she pushes your buttons, bow out gracefully and go take a walk until the energy clears. Just say "I'm hurting right now and I don't want to say anything that might hurt you or that I might regret. I need time to process."

I would give my wife space by sleeping on the couch and not asking her for anything. Then I would try and see if there is any karmic entanglements or other influences that are triggering old emotions from childhood or past lives, by seeking out counseling, or at the very least, Carol Clarke.

Give it your best shot Trail. The kids are worth it even if you have to live in hell for the next ten years, but whatever the discordant energy is, deal with it. You lead, you clear it in yourself, and the best possible outcome will happen, even if she still decides to leave.

[Innocent Warrior]

I am a Psych-k facilitator and offer my service as a gift to you, no fee for my service. Here's a demonstration of what I do. I've done the advanced and pro training, so I can facilitate from a distance. Feel free to PM me if you're interested in a private session. <3

Update: The balance in the demonstration is called a "new direction balance", there are other balances which involve balancing points in your body with energy, hence my offer.

All the best to you and your family.

[Knowrainknowrainbows!]

As you requested ... prayers and healing light are sent for all.

Focusing on the best possible outcome by taking one day, in fact one moment, at a time while reaching/talking to "your higher self" (yourself in the future who looks back to help you throughout all the challenging times in life) is what brings me through major life stressors.

Take care of your well-being first and foremost so you CAN be there for the little ones. Keep "it" simple ... all of it ... for their sake and yours.

Life will take on a new normal ... our ability to change what we can and adapt to that which we cannot change is a tremendous gift. It requires conscious decision-making ... over-riding emotional reaction for the highest good. (I'm still working on that myself ;-)

The important thing is ... be well-grounded physically, mentally, spiritually. It's all about relationships ... starting with self first.

May you feel comforted in knowing others care and lift you in prayer and healing agape love. It takes a little time ... nurture yourself with compassion.

Best regards.
KRKR

[Star Tsar]

Dearest Trail,

Brother
I have been raising my Son by myself now for eight years.
My Son's mother first gave up on me then our family,
Then decided to start a new life in Greece without telling anybody & without our Son.
Well as you can guess that did not work out and now she is back in UK & has just had her second child with another guy (three in total) who does not seem to care very much as far as I can gather.
They (My Son & His Mother) hardly have a relationship now.
I can tell you honestly it has been the most painful episode of His & My life.
I am still affected by this now but on the same note it has taught me ever so much about my Son, Myself, Love & Life.
Blessings to you brother you are going to need them! It's going to hurt real bad to the point of you never being the same again.

Stay Strong

[Iloveyou]

Dear Trail, three sayings come to my mind:

One is never so strong as when one is broken (Hazrat Inayat Khan). Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end (John Lennon). Life will never send you a challenge, that is too big for you.

I can strongly confirm all of them (2 broken marriages/long-term relationships, my daughter taken away from me because of my naivety and goodwill, she came back to me after one year). After having gone through such a difficult and painful experience, through sorrow and heartache you will be grown up, stronger and wiser than ever. Your kids will always love you, there is no greater love than children's love for their parents and it cannot be destroyed by anything.

Sending an abundant stream of loving energy to your partner, to your children and to you. Life will bring back all the joy and happiness that you deserve. These are just words. I feel with you. Blessings and a big hug for you. ILY.



edit: Hi Star Tsar, Greetings and much Love to you too

[Bubu]

I can relate to this, however your light could be different than mine. But try this; don't try to fix anything, go about visiting friends do some sports make furniture do just anything that comes to mind. don't give yourself a chance to be immersed into this then hopefully a flicker of light will come. Goodluck.

[Czarek]

...go out into the woods. long walks every day will clear your mind. Stay on top of stress. if you get super stressed, it depletes your vit B's so eat well, make yourself eat every day for your children. They need you, so make routines and try not to think too much as that's the trap. write down your problems on paper, and return to them when you feel like working out solutions. Things are happening as they were supposed to. you'll see that years later. do the best you can. that's all you're required. I've had my children taken away from me, I was kicked out of my home, lost most of my friends. I'm still here.

[amor]

The Lord Jesus the Christ exists and listens. I get sent answers sometimes before I ask the question. Learn to meld your heart with his.

[Julian]

Hello Trail,

Reading your post I am mindful of two distinct themes.

The first is the practical and overarching matter of your children and their developmental emotional needs. This one is very time sensitive and registers as an existential responsibility for both you and your partner. Calmness, a de-escalation of emotional demands within the spousal subsystem and cooling off period sound like a very good idea. Establishing stability and a safe continuity of daily life is the first order of the day.

The second theme is whatever hurt, regret, personal narrative formation, drama and self absorption you and your partner are now generating. On this level there is often a focus on "love", hopes and expectations and when we are in that territory we seem to swim in an ocean of pain. Paradoxically these can be wonderfully productive times if we would only understand the opportunity they present. May I suggest that both you and your partner get a good book on the Enneagram, Transactional analysis or any other good personality mapping system and really focus on charting your vulnerabilities, defensive emotional tendencies/structures and ways you may project all of these on to each other. If you shift the emphasis away from whether you will get back together as a couple and towards increasing emotional self awareness some really productive work can occur.

My own life experience suggests that absolutely nothing is accomplished by enticing someone to come back through gestures of appeasement. Transformative life work isn't easy and attachments built on "pleasing" each other will do not offer much stability when the next situational disappointment arises. However if you own your own stuff, adopt a genuinely open, nonjudgmental, and supportive attitude you can play a constructive role now and set the stage for whatever reconciliation and "moving forward" there may be in the future. We don't control or direct this sort of thing. At times your heart may need to break to learn whatever lessons you have scheduled for this life. Yet you can face all of that with forbearance, humility and real compassion. In the end your capacity to really love will expand tremendously and you will touch many people just by your presence.

So it's a gift but not an easy one.

Good luck Trail. Life winds it's way through our hearts. Let the current take the non essences and reveal the foundation within.

[poetbil]

I know it is hard for you brother to concentrate and change automatic negative thoughts
but a little success I had was when I was trying to reverse a n y negative vibration with "things are better than they ever were"
to do so..
for every other thought ,please make a catalogue of 10 positive like:
Oh I love this girl unconditionally
Oh how she really loves me etc etc
.complete the list and act it

Do not answer to to the inner voice (This advice is from great Vernon Howard)

One thing is sure ,all this is for the benefit of everyone in the family

[latina]

Dear trail:Reading your post remained me of this post I read a few months ago:
How I Saved My Marriage
My oldest daughter, Jenna, recently said to me, “My greatest fear as a child was that you and mom would get divorced. Then, when I was twelve, I decided that you fought so much that maybe it would be better if you did.” Then she added with a smile. “I’m glad you guys figured things out.”
For years my wife Keri and I struggled. Looking back, I’m not exactly sure what initially drew us together, but our personalities didn’t quite match up. And the longer we were married the more extreme the differences seemed. Encountering “fame and fortune” didn’t make our marriage any easier. In fact, it exacerbated our problems. The tension between us got so bad that going out on book tour became a relief, though it seems we always paid for it on re-entry. Our fighting became so constant that it was difficult to even imagine a peaceful relationship. We became perpetually defensive, building emotional fortresses around our hearts. We were on the edge of divorce and more than once we discussed it.
I was on book tour when things came to a head. We had just had another big fight on the phone and Keri had hung up on me. I was alone and lonely, frustrated and angry. I had reached my limit. That’s when I turned to God. Or turned on God. I don’t know if you could call it prayer–maybe shouting at God isn’t prayer, maybe it is–but whatever I was engaged in I’ll never forget it. I was standing in the shower of the Buckhead, Atlanta Ritz-Carlton yelling at God that marriage was wrong and I couldn’t do it anymore. As much as I hated the idea of divorce, the pain of being together was just too much. I was also confused. I couldn’t figure out why marriage with Keri was so hard. Deep down I knew that Keri was a good person. And I was a good person. So why couldn’t we get along? Why had I married someone so different than me? Why wouldn’t she change?
Finally, hoarse and broken, I sat down in the shower and began to cry. In the depths of my despair powerful inspiration came to me. You can’t change her, Rick. You can only change yourself. At that moment I began to pray. If I can’t change her, God, then change me. I prayed late into the night. I prayed the next day on the flight home. I prayed as I walked in the door to a cold wife who barely even acknowledged me. That night, as we lay in our bed, inches from each other yet miles apart, the inspiration came. I knew what I had to do.
The next morning I rolled over in bed next to Keri and asked, “How can I make your day better?”
Keri looked at me angrily. “What?”
“How can I make your day better?”
“You can’t,” she said. “Why are you asking that?”
“Because I mean it,” I said. “I just want to know what I can do to make your day better.”
She looked at me cynically. “You want to do something? Go clean the kitchen.”
She likely expected me to get mad. Instead I just nodded. “Okay.” I got up and cleaned the kitchen.
The next day I asked the same thing. “What can I do to make your day better?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Clean the garage.”
I took a deep breath. I already had a busy day and I knew she had made the request in spite. I was tempted to blow up at her. Instead I said, “Okay.” I got up and for the next two hours cleaned the garage. Keri wasn’t sure what to think.
The next morning came. “What can I do to make your day better?”
“Nothing!” she said. “You can’t do anything. Please stop saying that.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “But I can’t. I made a commitment to myself. What can I do to make your day better?”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because I care about you,” I said. “And our marriage.”
The next morning I asked again. And the next. And the next. Then, during the second week, a miracle occurred. As I asked the question Keri’s eyes welled up with tears. Then she broke down crying. When she could speak she said, “Please stop asking me that. You’re not the problem. I am. I’m hard to live with. I don’t know why you stay with me.”
I gently lifted her chin until she was looking in my eyes. “It’s because I love you,” I said. “What can I do to make your day better?”
“I should be asking you that.”
“You should,” I said. “But not now. Right now, I need to be the change. You need to know how much you mean to me.”
She put her head against my chest. “I’m sorry I’ve been so mean.”
“I love you,” I said.
“I love you,” she replied.
“What can I do to make your day better?”
She looked at me sweetly. “Can we maybe just spend some time together?”
I smiled. “I’d like that.”
I continued asking for more than a month. And things did change. The fighting stopped. Then Keri began asking, “What do you need from me? How can I be a better wife?”
The walls between us fell. We began having meaningful discussions on what we wanted from life and how we could make each other happier. No, we didn’t solve all our problems. I can’t even say that we never fought again. But the nature of our fights changed. Not only were they becoming more and more rare, they lacked the energy they’d once had. We’d deprived them of oxygen. We just didn’t have it in us to hurt each other anymore.
Keri and I have now been married for more than thirty years. I not only love my wife, I like her. I like being with her. I crave her. I need her. Many of our differences have become strengths and the others don’t really matter. We’ve learned how to take care of each other and, more importantly, we’ve gained the desire to do so.
Marriage is hard. But so is parenthood and keeping fit and writing books and everything else important and worthwhile in my life. To have a partner in life is a remarkable gift. I’ve also learned that the institution of marriage can help heal us of our most unlovable parts. And we all have unlovable parts.
Through time I’ve learned that our experience was an illustration of a much larger lesson about marriage. The question everyone in a committed relationship should ask their significant other is, “What can I do to make your life better?” That is love. Romance novels (and I’ve written a few) are all about desire and happily-ever-after, but happily-ever-after doesn’t come from desire–at least not the kind portrayed in most pulp romances. Real love is not to desire a person, but to truly desire their happiness–sometimes, even, at the expense of our own happiness. Real love is not to make another person a carbon copy of one’s self. It is to expand our own capabilities of tolerance and caring, to actively seek another’s well being. All else is simply a charade of self-interest.
I’m not saying that what happened to Keri and me will work for everyone. I’m not even claiming that all marriages should be saved. But for me, I am incredibly grateful for the inspiration that came to me that day so long ago. I’m grateful that my family is still intact and that I still have my wife, my best friend, in bed next to me when I wake in the morning. And I’m grateful that even now, decades later, every now and then, one of us will still roll over and say, “What can I do to make your day better.” Being on either side of that question is something worth waking up for.

This is the link http://www.richardpaulevans.com/saved-marriage/

Also, I suggest to everyone who is in a relationship to read and practice the advice in the book “The five languages of love” by Gary Chapman. I think if every couple does that, marriages or relationships are going to last and people could make the love to last forever.

[betoobig]

Hello Trail. It gets too hard on us when kids involve, so please don´t push too hard on you. First forgive yourself. Go with your heart, your heart says to try it then go for it. There is a technic to solve relations issues. Get a picture of your wife(or do it mentaly) and write in the back all the positive things yyou know about her... simple. Under a quantum point of view you are creating everything. SO focus in all those positive things about her. She will aproach to you more oppenly/friendly... that´ll be your opportunity to do things right!!... if you love her you´ll do whatever it takes. Please try, you need to try for sure but do the technic first and let her be the one who comes towards you. I wish you the best outcome and i send you and your family loving energies.
LOVE
Juan

[Trail]

Thank you all soooo very much.. your light is felt and has helped for sure to keep my sanity today.. there's still no change in the situation.. I decided to grant her wish and give her space.. its really hard for me to do.. coz I love her so much especially after going back to the original love we had and taking responsibility wich cause my instant forgiveness towards her right in that centerspot of where it went wrong about 7 years ago.. meanwhile she is adamant that she wants to quit.. She does not want to see anything positive I do.. The line is drawn and the buck stops here she affirms angrily.. She does not want to speak with me at all.. She said she wished I had a car accident and never got home it would solve so many problems.. I'm trying to come to terms with that.. and give her that space that everyone tells me I need to give her... very hard.. I cried all day ofcourse.. even at work.. but im still here.. and you guys surely helped..

I want to find time to read all the replies again and react to some individually but for now I need to go to bed because in 10 minutes she will come home and its better she does not even see me. She needs to relax..

Thank you all so much for your support.. it is felt.. I'm very grateful..

Trying to sleep now.. tomorrow another day to survive at work....

[Iloveyou]

Nobody should say something like that! How dare she! I'm not getting angry anymore that easily, but . . . ! She must be desperate herself, standing with her back to the wall since long time and for sure not everything is because of you. Sh*t, in such moments I blame my poor English.

Protect yourself energetically. Are you a more visual person, or more verbal, analytical? Try to clear the space around your body, your immediate surrounding, exclude her from that space.

Some people imagine a ball, a pyramide or whatever form of light around them, a color they feel they need at the moment, some need to built up an imaginative wall, a glass wall, some imagine the other person walking in a landscape towards the horizon, becoming smaller and smaller, then standing there and looking back from a distance or not, some people need to picture their own space in a few sentences, some invent a fantastical, mathematical formula to hold their very personal protection area . . . although creativity level of course is low in such moments. I feel you need that very protected space, where she cannot reach you at the moment, but perhaps I'm wrong, don't know – you yourself know for sure.

Above all being in that space may allow you to preserve and to feel your love for her, pure, undamaged, unharmed without her being involved in her current emotional, energetical state.

Is there any possibility for physical distance, to stay with a friend or someting like that? I hope I've not written too much crap. Things will change. There's a spot inside you that will always remain whole and intact. Your core. Send you much love, blessings and strength. ILY.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=SuWAGT9ZkYE