It's NOT About The Nail (or, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus)

[Bill Ryan]

Watch and laugh, maybe quite a lot — because this is often so VERY true.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

[Flash]

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
Watch and laugh, maybe quite a lot — because this is often so VERY true.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

ROLF - very funny

But..... this is sooooo macho Bill, as if all women expression of problems are due to down to earth problems to solve.

Sending it nevertheless to my daughter, because she is the one with an INVISIBLE nail for which her engineer/scientist boyfriend is often trying to FIND A PHYSICAL SOLUTION FOR VISIBLE NAILS.

She does not stop saying HEY THE NAIL IS INVISIBLE, TO FIND IT, I HAVE TO SEARCH AND TELLING THE SEARCHING STEPS HELPS - CAN YOU JUST LISTEN!
(and don't send her, as in this video case, to look in the mirror, her nail is invisible all around lol)

His answer would be "if the nail is invisible it is because it does not exist, neeeext.... (dismissal or anger)

In fact Bill, I think this video is more a reaction from Mars at 140 IQ with Venus at 180 EQ.

(got to find videos on man akwardeness lol for a revenge )

[ripple]

Meet a woman like that and you might as well stop the train immediately . Before the inevitable crash .
Let's hope we British can control the immigration threat of this unwanted species . I'm sure we can nail it .

[Flash]

the question would be to ask WHY MEN PREFER STUPID WOMEN?

This ain't good for genetic reproduction and specie survival. So why do they prefer women with less abilities than theirs? Is their ego so fragile that they can't handle intelligent women? Or their hormones fragile?

So don't complain about a VISIBLE NAIL that she would not see - just get a match to your intelligence, EQ and IQ

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=30tm0Bsn2WU

[ripple]

Posted by Flash (here)
the question would be to ask WHY MEN PREFER STUPID WOMEN?

Not convinced they do, in the long term . Isn't it more akin to preferring those that are easier to control and/or manipulate .
Plus -- until the shine is lost -- many 'stupid' ones can seem sexually exciting if they also seem uproariously funny . Like pets that talk .
Which male swine said that ?

[Mike]

oh my god...

this could have easily been lifted from the conversations my most recent ex. and i often had

if i merely listened, and said nothing, she'd accuse me of not paying attention; if i offered advice, she'd say she just wanted to be listened to; in the rare instances she was open to advice, and i offered it, she'd tell me how terrible my advice was.

god forbid i said something like "yes, i understand". whew. my hair would get blown back with a "you can't possibly understand!". and when i tried to explain that it was just a manner of speaking, an attempt to offer emotional support, she'd accuse me of condescending.

and then at the end of the argument, if i attempted an apology, she'd accuse me of being insincere. but if i didn't apologize at all she'd tell me i was unfeeling.

[Savannah]

I have seen this before, it's hilarious.

There is research to prove men and women deal differently with problems. Men talk in order to find solutions and provide information about what worked for them in the past. They like to give that "advice" to others. It is their way of showing caring and concern. Women release emotional stress by talking. They often find an answer as they talk it out. The process of talking is a solution in and of itself. If no answer is found After they have talked it out they are then open to hearing advice and possible solutions if they feel the they have been understood. I am very respectful of these styles when doing therapy.

[AutumnW]

Unfortunately this video is true. I have more male than female friends because I find this dynamic, even outside of romantic relationships, kind of exhausting.

At the same time, I find men 'just don't get it,' at times. But, nor should they. Their brains developed differently than mine did. Women are more empathetic, more able to feel your pain. Men are more action oriented, more willing and able to act on practical problems.

It is probably wise to find the right tool for the job and not isolate within a partnership for this reason. Men can't handle too much emotional ambiguity and agonizing and women don't care about the history of Phillips screwdrivers.

The current social climate tells women that what they want from men is perfectly acceptable and if they aren't receiving it they are somehow being abused.

[onawah]

My experience is that guys really like to have intelligent women for friends to get some intellectual stimulation, or so they can pick their brains and get a sort of uptick by association to their own reputations as smart guys,
But when it comes to romance or sex, they prefer a woman who will help bolster their egos at least some of the time, and especially if she's younger and pretty.
And I hate to make such a cliche statement, but I think it's still true, unfortunately.
We still have a long way to go before recovering from this kind of programming.
And it's going to take women awhile to figure out what their new roles are going to be, too, and how to make the dynamic a healthy one.

[Mike]

Posted by onawah (here)
My experience is that guys really like to have intelligent women for friends to get some intellectual stimulation, or so they can pick their brains and get a sort of uptick by association to their own reputations as smart guys,
But when it comes to romance or sex, they prefer a woman who will help bolster their egos at least some of the time, and especially if she's younger and pretty.
And I hate to make such a cliche statement, but I think it's still true, unfortunately.
We still have a long way to go before recovering from this kind of programming.
And it's going to take women awhile to figure out what their new roles are going to be, too, and how to make the dynamic a healthy one.

Yep, there's some truth to this Nat. No doubt. Men are just as wonky sometimes, just in different ways.

But the woman I described in my last post wasnt a dummy; she was pretty smart. She was kind of distorted emotionally, that was the thing. And always "playing the victim". Sometimes it was simply impossible to reach her in any kind of rational way.

This isn't some kind of woman bashing thing either, just to be clear. I've been blessed with so many cool and wonderful women friends and romantic partners. Most of my friends on the forum are women; I prefer women doctors and dentists; socially, i prefer women to men most of the time. I'm not entirely sure why, but I do.

But, although women are very distinct and unique in many ways, they're also alike in others. The video does illustrate a slightly exaggerated version of a common thread I see amongst women. You know something like that is true when you immediately laugh without thinking...its an indicator of something universal.

[DeDukshyn]

Posted by Flash (here)

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
Watch and laugh, maybe quite a lot — because this is often so VERY true.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

ROLF - very funny

But..... this is sooooo macho Bill, as if all women expression of problems are due to down to earth problems to solve.

Sending it nevertheless to my daughter, because she is the one with an INVISIBLE nail for which her engineer/scientist boyfriend is often trying to FIND A PHYSICAL SOLUTION FOR VISIBLE NAILS.

She does not stop saying HEY THE NAIL IS INVISIBLE, TO FIND IT, I HAVE TO SEARCH AND TELLING THE SEARCHING STEPS HELPS - CAN YOU JUST LISTEN!
(and don't send her, as in this video case, to look in the mirror, her nail is invisible all around lol)

His answer would be "if the nail is invisible it is because it does not exist, neeeext.... (dismissal or anger)

In fact Bill, I think this video is more a reaction from Mars at 140 IQ with Venus at 180 EQ.

(got to find videos on man akwardeness lol for a revenge )

From a man's perspective though ...

I can totally relate to this video -- I had a relationship with a person who ended up causing herself a fair bit of pain and suffering - not only did she have "nails" in her head - it was her that put them there. To address her issue, the solutions were sooo simple. To get out of the pain and suffering she was feeling only required awareness and tiny attitude and personality adjusts, really small ones - and really easy to do. The types of adjustments that most people make as the become adults, she failed to make a few of those - as well have a few things in our personalities we carry from our past.

It was incredibly painful to see her in this state and I literally was never allowed to try to help her. Nothing but very bad things happened no matter how loving I approached her. She was NOT going to be told "how to live her life!" - When all I wanted to do was explain how easy it was to solve her suffering.

Our relationships continuity depended on her addressing the issues that was causing her pain because her pain spread everywhere and contaminated everything. I left. It was so hard for me to see something so easy to address, and the thing that would save our relationship, but it couldn't happen. I spent over a decade trying every method from super kind and gentle to anger, and every approach in between.

She'd have none of it. She would not listen to me whatsoever in any way shape or form and if I ever spoke and if she even thought that I might be telling her how to address her pain, she would instantly attack me and scream and fight.

This video is a perfect metaphor for what I experienced the incredible frustration I felt. I'm the type of guy that needs to make things work better - I'm a systems and process guy. So for me to see something so easy to fix, that was causing someone them-self pain, it was unbearable for me and destroyed my relationship. (that and the narcissistic tendencies )



All that said, I am eagerly awaiting your video rebuttal.

[Valerie Villars]

Well, I thought it was wonderfully indicative of the inherent difference between the sexes.

[onawah]

Intellectual IQ and emotional IQ are two very different things--we can be very bright and yet very immature at the same time.
As long as boys are taught that it's manly to suppress their feelings, and girls are taught that their feelings are silly or irrational, we will probably continue to have these same kinds of problems relating to each other.
We may have a lot all figured out intellectually from psychological studies, etc, but we haven't done a very good job as yet of applying that information.
And with the amount of future and culture shock most of us are in, it looks like we're going to be in a very steep learning curve for some time to come...

Posted by Mike (here)

Yep, there's some truth to this Nat. No doubt. Men are just as wonky sometimes, just in different ways.

But the woman I described in my last post wasnt a dummy; she was pretty smart. She was kind of distorted emotionally, that was the thing. And always "playing the victim". Sometimes it was simply impossible to reach her in any kind of rational way.

This isn't some kind of woman bashing thing either, just to be clear. I've been blessed with so many cool and wonderful women friends and romantic partners. Most of my friends on the forum are women; I prefer women doctors and dentists; socially, i prefer women to men most of the time. I'm not entirely sure why, but I do.

But, although women are very distinct and unique in many ways, they're also alike in others. The video does illustrate a slightly exaggerated version of a common thread I see amongst women. You know something like that is true when you immediately laugh without thinking...its an indicator of something universal.

[AutumnW]

Onawah,

The current culture is encouraging men to bury their masculinity and forcing them to emote when their natural tendency is to react in a less emotional manner. Also men are attracted to younger women because they are generally more sexually active, pre-menopause. Granted it can involve ego too but primarily it has more to do with a basic urge to merge.

[Flash]

Posted by DeDukshyn (here)

Posted by Flash (here)

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
Watch and laugh, maybe quite a lot — because this is often so VERY true.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

ROLF - very funny

But..... this is sooooo macho Bill, as if all women expression of problems are due to down to earth problems to solve.

Sending it nevertheless to my daughter, because she is the one with an INVISIBLE nail for which her engineer/scientist boyfriend is often trying to FIND A PHYSICAL SOLUTION FOR VISIBLE NAILS.

She does not stop saying HEY THE NAIL IS INVISIBLE, TO FIND IT, I HAVE TO SEARCH AND TELLING THE SEARCHING STEPS HELPS - CAN YOU JUST LISTEN!
(and don't send her, as in this video case, to look in the mirror, her nail is invisible all around lol)

His answer would be "if the nail is invisible it is because it does not exist, neeeext.... (dismissal or anger)

In fact Bill, I think this video is more a reaction from Mars at 140 IQ with Venus at 180 EQ.

(got to find videos on man akwardeness lol for a revenge )

From a man's perspective though ...

I can totally relate to this video -- I had a relationship with a person who ended up causing herself a fair bit of pain and suffering - not only did she have "nails" in her head - it was her that put them there. To address her issue, the solutions were sooo simple. To get out of the pain and suffering she was feeling only required awareness and tiny attitude and personality adjusts, really small ones - and really easy to do. The types of adjustments that most people make as the become adults, she failed to make a few of those - as well have a few things in our personalities we carry from our past.

It was incredibly painful to see her in this state and I literally was never allowed to try to help her. Nothing but very bad things happened no matter how loving I approached her. She was NOT going to be told "how to live her life!" - When all I wanted to do was explain how easy it was to solve her suffering.

Our relationships continuity depended on her addressing the issues that was causing her pain because her pain spread everywhere and contaminated everything. I left. It was so hard for me to see something so easy to address, and the thing that would save our relationship, but it couldn't happen. I spent over a decade trying every method from super kind and gentle to anger, and every approach in between.

She'd have none of it. She would not listen to me whatsoever in any way shape or form and if I ever spoke and if she even thought that I might be telling her how to address her pain, she would instantly attack me and scream and fight.

This video is a perfect metaphor for what I experienced the incredible frustration I felt. I'm the type of guy that needs to make things work better - I'm a systems and process guy. So for me to see something so easy to fix, that was causing someone them-self pain, it was unbearable for me and destroyed my relationship. (that and the narcissistic tendencies )



All that said, I am eagerly awaiting your video rebuttal.

One particular paragraph made me think that we all have the same thing happening to us with a partner at one time in our life.

Men or women, the desperation is the same.

Often

To address her issue, the solutions were sooo simple

The only thing is that to address the issue, for men as seen by women, has to do with stopping the emotional numbness men have come to live by.
sh
But, I must add here that if a woman is intelligent, she definitely scare men off, just by being at par or better in logic, men would rather have someone a bit dummier than they are. So the logical levels will not be at the same level. While women are caught with men often flatly uncommunicative or emotions avoiding, not many men can express their emotions or are even interested in doing so.

Your girlfriend seem to have had a problem with control, someone telling her how to be, not what to do without changing her inner self. She confounded what to do for practical change with having to not be who she is. I think I am not expressing myself properly here, but, well.
It really is two different languages.

[Flash]

Posted by AutumnW (here)
Onawah,

The current culture is encouraging men to bury their masculinity and forcing them to emote when their natural tendency is to react in a less emotional manner. Also men are attracted to younger women because they are generally more sexually active, pre-menopause. Granted it can involve ego too but primarily it has more to do with a basic urge to merge.

Well, it may depend on the women, but I can swear it, most of my friends would only wish to be sexually active and those who can are more active than they have ever been, after menopause.

I think what you say about women is false.

What I have seen on dating is the following: men are looking for 20 years younger women, thinking that they are still in their prime age when in fact they are often fat, not very active, brain lazy, not taking care of themselves (body cleanliness and clothes average ok) and with a big belly. And they think they are good enough for the 20 years younger.
To tell the truth, it is pathetic. I would not want anyone like that, whatever age I am at.

Past 35, it is often the woman who become more logical with life and much more realistic with everyday life.

Men keep thinking they are a stalion, and then, when they hit middle age or the late fifties, they go in depression. The highest rate of suicide is at that age for men. Why? I think it is because reality hit hard and all of a sudden for them. The changes were not willfull throughout life, they were sudden (in their views), forced on them by life.

Anyhow, all this is my opinion, I may be off, maybe it is just Canadian men lolllll, or me...

[onawah]

Yes, I see that too about our current culture, Autumn.
It's got to be very confusing because the old paradigm of suppression is still closely underpinning the new one.
There are strong cross currents and mixed messages for both genders, but I think men are even more confused than women.

But in the Masters and Johnson studies they actually found that a lot of women's libidos get stronger as they age.
The urge for romance is probably stronger in younger women, but apparently in a lot of older women, the sexual urge gets stronger.
Which may help explain the current "cougar" trend (along with hormonal therapy).

Posted by AutumnW (here)
Onawah,

The current culture is encouraging men to bury their masculinity and forcing them to emote when their natural tendency is to react in a less emotional manner. Also men are attracted to younger women because they are generally more sexually active, pre-menopause. Granted it can involve ego too but primarily it has more to do with a basic urge to merge.

I think the irrational anger that many women are expressing now comes from the collective unconscious, and has to do with very old patterns of patriarchal abuse that women have had to endure for thousands of years on this planet.
Even though things have improved in many ways in Western cultures, the fact is that in much of the world, simply being female is still a very unsafe and misery-producing proposition, in some places even more so than in the past.

Even if we are not being exposed to that directly, it can still weigh on us unconsciously.
And there are surprising, seemingly anomalous factors in the statistics, such as the one stating that the US is #10 on the list of countries in the world that are most dangerous for women!
So much is not the way it seems on the surface, and that has to be causing a huge amount of confusion, even if all most see is the tip of the iceberg, because we respond to so much that we are not at all consciously aware of.
See:https://projectavalon.net/forum4/show...=1#post1269187

[5th]

Interesting to see the reactions this has provoked. The point of the video is that men and women's brains DO work in different ways and this has nothing to do with IQ, EQ or age!

Men talk in order to solve problems and women talk in order to comfort themselves through social connection. Neither is 'right' or 'wrong' and it's a generalisation. So naturally the man thinks she wants a solution to her problems and naturally the women thinks he is not listening properly...

[lunaflare]

Hah, a good video to incite some varied male/female responses!

Regarding the premise, nay, I didn't find this to be true at all.
The majority of women are practical and solution focused--this is why they are mothers ; yep the gender that gives birth and is biologically wired to sustain new life. And that's not all--they can also be intuitive, sensitive and compassionate.

When given the opportunity of education, girls perform better than boys. In all subjects

https://www.educationworld.com/a_new...chool-subjects

One last point, women would never allow their sweaters to be snagged, by the way. They would really start to look for the cause in a serious way. A snagged sweater is unwearable and this is wasteful and not practical when one is managing a budget....

[DeDukshyn]

Posted by Flash (here)

Posted by DeDukshyn (here)

Posted by Flash (here)

Posted by Bill Ryan (here)
Watch and laugh, maybe quite a lot — because this is often so VERY true.

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg

ROLF - very funny

But..... this is sooooo macho Bill, as if all women expression of problems are due to down to earth problems to solve.

Sending it nevertheless to my daughter, because she is the one with an INVISIBLE nail for which her engineer/scientist boyfriend is often trying to FIND A PHYSICAL SOLUTION FOR VISIBLE NAILS.

She does not stop saying HEY THE NAIL IS INVISIBLE, TO FIND IT, I HAVE TO SEARCH AND TELLING THE SEARCHING STEPS HELPS - CAN YOU JUST LISTEN!
(and don't send her, as in this video case, to look in the mirror, her nail is invisible all around lol)

His answer would be "if the nail is invisible it is because it does not exist, neeeext.... (dismissal or anger)

In fact Bill, I think this video is more a reaction from Mars at 140 IQ with Venus at 180 EQ.

(got to find videos on man akwardeness lol for a revenge )

From a man's perspective though ...

I can totally relate to this video -- I had a relationship with a person who ended up causing herself a fair bit of pain and suffering - not only did she have "nails" in her head - it was her that put them there. To address her issue, the solutions were sooo simple. To get out of the pain and suffering she was feeling only required awareness and tiny attitude and personality adjusts, really small ones - and really easy to do. The types of adjustments that most people make as the become adults, she failed to make a few of those - as well have a few things in our personalities we carry from our past.

It was incredibly painful to see her in this state and I literally was never allowed to try to help her. Nothing but very bad things happened no matter how loving I approached her. She was NOT going to be told "how to live her life!" - When all I wanted to do was explain how easy it was to solve her suffering.

Our relationships continuity depended on her addressing the issues that was causing her pain because her pain spread everywhere and contaminated everything. I left. It was so hard for me to see something so easy to address, and the thing that would save our relationship, but it couldn't happen. I spent over a decade trying every method from super kind and gentle to anger, and every approach in between.

She'd have none of it. She would not listen to me whatsoever in any way shape or form and if I ever spoke and if she even thought that I might be telling her how to address her pain, she would instantly attack me and scream and fight.

This video is a perfect metaphor for what I experienced the incredible frustration I felt. I'm the type of guy that needs to make things work better - I'm a systems and process guy. So for me to see something so easy to fix, that was causing someone them-self pain, it was unbearable for me and destroyed my relationship. (that and the narcissistic tendencies )



All that said, I am eagerly awaiting your video rebuttal.

One particular paragraph made me think that we all have the same thing happening to us with a partner at one time in our life.

Men or women, the desperation is the same.

Often

To address her issue, the solutions were sooo simple

The only thing is that to address the issue, for men as seen by women, has to do with stopping the emotional numbness men have come to live by.
sh
But, I must add here that if a woman is intelligent, she definitely scare men off, just by being at par or better in logic, men would rather have someone a bit dummier than they are. So the logical levels will not be at the same level. While women are caught with men often flatly uncommunicative or emotions avoiding, not many men can express their emotions or are even interested in doing so.

Your girlfriend seem to have had a problem with control, someone telling her how to be, not what to do without changing her inner self. She confounded what to do for practical change with having to not be who she is. I think I am not expressing myself properly here, but, well.
It really is two different languages.

I have an interesting relationship with my emotions that make me often come across as emotionally numb or uncaring, but that's just how it comes across due to my relationship with my emotions. I am actually extremely emotional and can often be brought to tears by simple things or even for no reason at all. However, I keep my emotion stream 100% separate from my "functioning and logic" stream - except to cross reference for a potentially larger view of a situation. So I could be called "numb to emotion" - but closer to reality is I don't want to enable weakness in myself by conflating emotions and emotional reactions with logic, will to get things done, and will to making things better. I don't want to enable that in others either. That said, I did have to do a fair bit of inner work to get to that point, which I feel is best for me, and I still come across as emotionally numb.

re: "girlfriend seems to have control issues" - correct to an extreme level. She had many narcissistic traits.

To add: Interestingly, when I come across a woman that I find or assume is equally or more intelligent than me, I get instantly turned on. I have had plenty enough of unintelligent women, and I don't like it much ...

Many of attractive women seem to come in go at my place of work, I only ever get genuinely excited about the ones I deem highly intelligent.

Maybe I'm a weirdo ...