Are You Happy?

[thepainterdoug]

Are you Happy? Are you trying to be Happy?

I'm not asking if you are content or ok, appreciative, grateful, fortunate, blessed, satisfied, safe lucky and so on.

I like most of us experience many of these descriptors at various times in life.
But in truth I realize I am rarely, if ever, happy.

I try to be happy. And all those other descriptors can contribute to happiness, but do not make me happy. is it a silly or pointless question?

Does being happy matter? Is it just some blissful bonus, like a momentary balmy breeze on an otherwise hot and muggy day ?

Thoughts on this?
let me know if you are happy?

[Mike]

Hi Doug, for what it's worth I don't think happiness is meant to be a permanent state. In fact what makes it so special is it's fleeting nature.

It's a fickle beast. I say enjoy it as much as ya can when it arrives but don't go chasing it.

[Open Minded Dude]

No.

I don't have a depression but I always had a 'base melancholy' going through my life. Even in supposed 'happy' moments. But happy moments is still sth different from a state of being. My state of being was never happy.

I suppose I was happy sometimes in my childhood. But never in school or any other 'social' institution. I hated school (was bullied often). No, but I was happy only at home with my parents, pets, the occasional few buddies I had.

That is why I like watching my 'vintage' vacation fotos from that time. Not just for the nostalgia feeling (which ironically makes you unhappy most of the time, but I still 'crave' it) but mostly because I think then I was REALLY happy. It looks this way. (I look this way on the photographs). But they were also happy moments (lasting a bit longer) as islands of happiness in a large sea, because as said before ... school was a nightmare.

I tried to feel happiness. Read Eckhardt Tolle and some other Buddhist stuff (telling us to just be in the "now" and all is fine...) etc. Does not work for me. I'm not trying that anymore. Which is a dilemma because you need happy emotions for successful manifestations. Follow your passion. Follow your bliss. I tried that with several things and still do them. But now it all feels like empty useless endeavours.

True happiness I might find in the afterlife / on the other side. In the year 2009 I felt true 'BLISS' during a NDE/OBE adventure. So I KNOW what that is. It is not comparable to a 'happiness' though you feel as a human. It is different.

So if I could attain it, I would strive for BLISS instead of the superficial and ephemeral human experience of Happiness. BLISS is eternal. Happiness is just a temporary state of emotion of the temporary state of being a human.

[thepainterdoug]

Mike you are so correct.

Open Minded dude. As mike said its fleeting. Yes I too delved into all those books and advice.

I always liked Woody Allens line that he was running a low grade depression at all times. I am like that as a pre set. Perhaps thats why Im creative? I dont know. the creativity I express is usally one of trying to fix someone, something, and perhaps myself. but there are people who do "Happy" much better than others

oh , and I also feel guilty for not being happy with all the blessings I have

[Johan (Keyholder)]

It's not really possible to "be happy all the time". It is even within the meaning of the word "happy" itself, where "lucky" is an essential part of it.

From EtymologyOnline:

"happy(adj.)
late 14c., "lucky, favored by fortune, being in advantageous circumstances, prosperous;" of events, "turning out well," from hap (n.) "chance, fortune" + -y (2). The sense of "very glad" is recorded by late 14c. The meaning "greatly pleased and content" is from 1520s.
Related: Happier; happiest. Old English had eadig (from ead "wealth, riches") and gesælig, which has become silly. Old English bliðe "happy" survives as blithe.
From Greek to Irish, a great majority of the European words for "happy" at first meant "lucky." An exception is Welsh, where the word used first meant "wise."

The happy moments in our life are like "resting points", where we can get a moment of peace, rest, bliss... But it's very fast over again.

Personally I can say that these moments - in the past half century - can be "counted" in hours and not even days. But there could have been a hundred or even more of these moments (where time seems to stand still). Sometimes it lasted for a few seconds and sometimes for a few minutes. Never more than that.

In time I learned - the hard way - that striving for contentment is the best way to go (at least for me).
I consider contentment a form of Balance, an equilibrium, "the Middle Way"...

So, no I would say happiness is NOT something to be chased, or searched for...like gold in a river.
It's more like a present, a gift, a sort of Grace.

Like Open Minded Dude mentions Bliss; bliss has the same root a blithe; in Dutch we have the word "blij" which means the same and stands for "JOY".

When you say Doug: "there are people who do "Happy" much better than others", that is only because they would define the word in a different way (than you, me, others...)

A short P.S.: just after posting this I am starting to read chapter 9 in Richard Rose's book "After the Absolute". The title: HAPPINESS

[Blacklight43]

In my 82 years of experience on this planet I have finally come to the conclusion that happiness is a choice we make.
Wallowing in grief and sadness is an easy trap to fall into... which I have done a few times in my life but I always come back to my preference for happy!
The frequency of happy not only lifts my spirits but those around me as well.
I am Blessed and I know it

[RunningDeer]

Am I happy?

For me, happiness isn’t loud. It’s the quiet satisfaction of being content. I’m grateful not to live by the clock. Each chore, errand, or stretch of exercise fills me with joy, simply because I choose to do them.

There’s something priceless about living with freedom and intention.



NOTE: I'm a work-in-progress.

........

[thepainterdoug]

running deer/ you chose the word content. That I am. Content as well as grateful. I just dont see how I can be happy knowing all will be eventually be lost.

Blacklight 43/ good for you. seems to me a bit like choosing to feel cold water as warm or the opposite. I am not talking about depression, just not being happy.

Johant hanks and I agree with much you say. And definitions are important. Thats why I said in the op not the other descriptors.

[RunningDeer]

Posted by thepainterdoug (here)
running deer/ you chose the word content. That I am. Content as well as grateful. I just dont see how I can be happy knowing all will be eventually be lost.

I survived the loss of my son. Nothing in this life will ever come close. The months that followed were raw, endless.

But I’m still here.

Today, I’m thriving. Each day is another today—
a quiet step toward growth, toward a wisdom I never thought possible. I carry on with grace and with gratitude for another today.

NOTE: I'm a work-in-progress.

..........

[thepainterdoug]

Running deer. i cant comprehend it. what can be said. I wish you contentment for the rest of your days here. we are survivors of all our losses, or we are not.

My friend lost his 3 year old son. Hes amazingly functional, a good and decent guy, little to complain about
but wow somethings missing in him.
of course somethings missing in him

thanks RD

[RunningDeer]

Posted by thepainterdoug (here)
Running deer. i cant comprehend it. what can be said. I wish you contentment for the rest of your days here. we are survivors of all our losses, or we are not.

My friend lost his 3 year old son. Hes amazingly functional, a good and decent guy, little to complain about
but wow somethings missing in him.
of course somethings missing in him

thanks RD

Posted by thepainterdoug (here)
running deer/ you chose the word content. That I am. Content as well as grateful. I just dont see how I can be happy knowing all will be eventually be lost.

Thank you, Doug.

Wow!, a three year old, little bundle of love. Gone. Life's a labyrinth of unexpected turns.

The moments with those we love, the paths we’ve walked, and even the challenges - they’re never lost. We shed what no longer serves. The treasure remains.

We’re all courageous fire-walkers.

[Casey Claar]

Doug,

This is a such an excellent and in every way relevant question.

Yes.....I am truly happy. Though there is more to it than just this.

Happiness is in the mix of a base-line vibration by which I experience myself. It is not, for me, something to work for-or-toward, it is ever-present in the energetic by which I experience life-as-me. I attribute such a consistent awareness of this, of the energetic, or base-line frequency, principally to a particular requisite I discovered within myself very early in life and which I have not ever sacrificed to anything. I could also call this requisite a daily "practice" .... I practice waiting, making myself available to feel for just the right the moment to get out of the bed each morning. I consciously, on purpose, remain connected and aligned with the withinness of my being until the absolute right thing is to step all this up out of the bed and begin the day. It is a very clear moment, perhaps not unlike that of a surfer positioned to catch a wave. One enters a whole other reality in this way, than when just the right moment is not felt for. We tend to leave ourselves behind in life, and when we do our base-frequencies are also left behind. We, then, at some point, in moments sense that something is off and have the notion to go looking for them. In food, sex, money, "things", often never quite realizing that what is truly being sought is our very self. So, each morning, prior to the rise of the beta wave, when more of me is clearly present I connect with this knowing-feeling-presence and make no move at all until the prompt in which it { { { says } } } { { { now move into this new day } } }. More of me, than otherwise, moves into the day with me. Including the felt-presence of the baseline frequencies that compose "me", and within which, to my great joy is happiness. There truly is something to what we more generally refer to as "getting up on the right side of the bed". I hope I have given a glimpse.

[Bluegreen]

I consider it to be my moral obligation.

[thepainterdoug]

casey

that does give me a glimpse ! . and funny, but in the mornings I have recently been sitting up on the edge of my bed, and going over my nights dreams and thoughts, then I decide, ok, up! and I do thirty pushups on my bedside carpet , and I get going. It a diving in and lets see kinda thing. And I do my best to bring something good to everyone when I leave the house.
But for me, this isn not happiness, its a lets make the best of it, kinda feeling. I do remember times of happiness but things seemed much simpler.

i do like the idea that we were given the right to pursue happiness

Bluegreen, that to me implies trying. maybe that a good idea

[Johnnycomelately]

Doug, good question, and great framework for a thread. Good responses too, by Mike, OM Dude, Johan, Blacklight43, and Paula.

Posted by RunningDeer (here)

Posted by thepainterdoug (here)
Running deer. i cant comprehend it. what can be said. I wish you contentment for the rest of your days here. we are survivors of all our losses, or we are not.

My friend lost his 3 year old son. Hes amazingly functional, a good and decent guy, little to complain about
but wow somethings missing in him.
of course somethings missing in him

thanks RD

Posted by thepainterdoug (here)
running deer/ you chose the word content. That I am. Content as well as grateful. I just dont see how I can be happy knowing all will be eventually be lost.

[INDENT][INDENT]Thank you, Doug.

Wow!, a three year old, little bundle of love. Gone. Life's a labyrinth of unexpected turns.

The moments with those we love, the paths we’ve walked, and even the challenges - they’re never lost. We shed what no longer serves. The treasure remains.

I was raised by parents that lost their first born a month before I was born. My older (would have been middle) brother knew him for the awake part of 3 years.

My parents had served in the military, dad flying and mom an army nurse. Mom never deployed, to my understanding, sidelined by TB, but they were both what I would now call withdrawn. Mom less so, though. Now that I know about PTSD, I blame that. Reading Romeo Dallaire (book Shake Hands With The Devil), seems trauma can last and last. Epigenetics says it can be passed on.


My take, happy should be the opposite of hapless. Hapless, to me, means not in control of oneself. A quick search says it means having no luck or being unfortunate, but I stand by my take.

Ima side with the way Blacklight sees it, define happiness as the alternative to being all drudge and woeful. Some decades ago, my then-employer lent me a book titled Happiness Is A Choice. Changed my life.


IMO, happiness is a precursor to joyfulness, which should include thankfulness, otherwise it’s just wanking. Some people are thankful to the powers of darkness, and some are thankful for the powers of lightness, what I call the powers and works of God. That choice is before us, again and again throughout our lives, and so happiness is but a signpost.

[Casey Claar]

Posted by thepainterdoug (here)
casey

that does give me a glimpse ! . and funny, but in the mornings I have recently been sitting up on the edge of my bed, and going over my nights dreams and thoughts, then I decide, ok, up! and I do thirty pushups on my bedside carpet , and I get going. It a diving in and lets see kinda thing. And I do my best to bring something good to everyone when I leave the house.
But for me, this isn not happiness, its a lets make the best of it, kinda feeling. I do remember times of happiness but things seemed much simpler.

i do like the idea that we were given the right to pursue happiness

Bluegreen, that to me implies trying. maybe that a good idea

Doug,

Thank you for this reply

Can I ask? How do you wake in the morning? Can you describe the process? ....(from the moment you first begin waking). How long would you say the process of transitioning back into the wake state lasts? There truly is so much that is possible in the threshold of this transition. How important would you say this shift in consciousness is to you? Do you give it much attention? ( how much? ).

[Isserley]

People with a more developed consciousness, capacity for self-awareness, complex emotions, and abstract thought feel more, which is where the whole tragedy and helplessness of life comes from and is ultimately a source of suffering.
It is probably a question of the evolutionary course of the soul (positive evolutionary development) where it has to go through the entire range of feelings and states, and this world we live in provides us with exactly that.

People who seem happy despite the fact that it seems they have somehow been dealt very bad cards in life ***- I remember Bill's story about the man with no legs who made the whole village happy -*** have obviously evolved beyond all that material suffering, (or they just have some really good weed )

Everyone has to find that for themselves.

I too struggle with bad brain chemistry too often.

[Bruce G Charlton]

"I just dont see how I can be happy knowing all will be eventually be lost."

It all hinges on what you mean by "knowing".

I suppose you mean that you "know" your death will be the annihilation of your self, your being?

If you really "know" this deeply and intuitively, then I agree with your evaluation, and I do not think you can be genuinely happy - life will all be at the level of psychological and temporary pleasure or sufferings, which will all be lost upon death.


This is indeed our mainstream modern materialistic ideology which we get from the entirety of The System.

And many "Eastern" spiritualities believe-in and apparently want the "self" to be annihilated at death - for our "ego" our distinctive beingness, to dissolve into everything...

Well, if that is what someone wants, probably that is what will happen.


But before accepting this recipe for nihilism, you might first check whether you really do "know" this, in your heart of hearts. Whether you really are convinced.

And you might also try thinking and testing other possibilities to see if 1. you want them, and 2. if you believe they are true.

I personally believe that (setting aside the vast mass of other assertions) Jesus's offer of resurrected eternal life in Heaven - which I understand means that our-selves and all that is good in our experience becomes everlasting - is something I want, and is a real possibility.

Someone who "knows" this is a real possibility and choice can be "happy" - in the sense of hopeful of eternal resurrection and that all which is good in this life shall remain part if themselves - even when (in this mortal life) psychologically very miserable and in pain.

It is worth checking-out, at any rate, and evaluating by deep reflection* - before assuming that there nothing but mortal life then nothing.

*(But not by seeking external validation or information from churches, nor by reading stuff other people have written. This is something that needs to be done for and from oneself, and taking ultimate personal responsibility for whatever is decided. )

[Bill Ryan]

Posted by Isserley (here)

I remember Bill's story about the man with no legs who made the whole village happy

Yes, many many thanks for mentioning that. I've shared what I witnessed several time over the years, but here it is again:



An experience that changed my life

Many years ago I was in Nairobi, Kenya for a couple of weeks. I was staying in a small guest house a couple of miles from the city center.

Every day I walked down the long road to the post office and market, and walked back. And every day I passed a beggar who was sitting on a dirty blanket at a street corner.

This man's arms and legs were shriveled. He could not walk. He wore a loincloth. He sat on the ground, and crawled around on his blanket. He had nothing at all.

But each time I passed by - twice a day for 14 days - he was surrounded by people. They were laughing, joking, having fun. The little beggar-man was always happy. His face was permanently wreathed in smiles. This was where the party was at, all the time, every day.

He was the man. I never once saw him other than enjoying life to the full. His friends - many of them - clearly loved him dearly.

This experience changed me profoundly. Every day I wondered at this man and his friends. One of my greatest regrets is that I never approached him to say hello.

Ten years later, I returned to Nairobi. I tried hard to find him. I wanted to give him something to thank him for his great contribution to my life. I could not. I assume he had died.

I can never tell this story on stage or in an interview: I would not be able to keep it together. That little African beggar, bless his eternal soul, taught me that one does not have not have things to be happy: one only has to create one's own joy with the people one loves. In the context of this, little else matters.

[Mark (Star Mariner)]

Some quotes on which to muse involving happiness, selected for they mirror my own feelings on the subject. I would've been pleased to invent just one of these.

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.
--Epictetus

Happy he who learns to bear what he cannot change.
--Friedrich Schiller

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
--Ingrid Bergman

Happiness grows at our own firesides, and is not to be picked in strangers' gardens.
--Douglas William Jerrold

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length.
--Robert Frost

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
--Buddha

Unquestionably, it is possible to do without happiness; it is done involuntarily by nineteen-twentieths of mankind.
--John Stuart Mill

Happiness is not being pained in body or troubled in mind.
--Thomas Jefferson

Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn't stop to enjoy it.
--William Feather

Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
--Joseph Addison

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
--Spike Milligan

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.
--Nathaniel Hawthorne

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling.
--Margaret Lee Runbeck

My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations.
--Michael J. Fox

Perfect happiness is a beautiful sunset, the giggle of a grandchild, the first snowfall. It's the little things that make happy moments, not the grand events. Joy comes in sips, not gulps.
--Sharon Draper

Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles, but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.
--Norman Vincent Peale

What can be added to the happiness of a man who is in health, out of debt, and has a clear conscience?
--Adam Smith

The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.
--Eric Hoffer

[joke]
A man doesn't know what happiness is until he's married. By then, it's too late.
--Frank Sinatra
[/joke]