I spent my life searching beyond my strict catholic upbringing. Back then I was only aware of Judaism partly from a parochial education and driving by a synagogue on the way to school. I really had no idea of other faiths and denominations until u.s. navy boot camp where we marched to the chapel for a different service every sunday for a couple months of training. But I was frustrated with catholicism from the get go especially after I was confirmed. I could not understand pain and suffering children in particular endure at the hand of figureheads of God among other evils. I was dormant in my faith for a long while. Searching but clueless. But in retrospect, I was still learning and growing even though.
So after a lot of change over those years from being dormant, to a different christian denomination, to just a regular plain old deist, I settled on a spirituality based on nature with multiple deities in 2o16 and I find this to be the best option for me. The universe is too big for just one deity, in my opinion of course. This spirituality is cyclical much like life and nature itself. With this option, it is more interesting, my belief system is more in my control, and I do not have to practice with anyone, nor have some overlord guidance system or leadership. It is just myself and my belief system. There are no arguments over it, there is no discussion required. It can be practiced with others but I choose not to. This idea is several thousand years old and no stranger to persecution by the mainstream.
Being a solitaire has been ideal thus far. Now that it has been 9 years I feel more grounded in my faith. The thing about nature is that it is a cycle best described in geometry as a circle. No one or thing in nature is immune to this cycle. The ebbing and flowing in everything that is natural. Pain is not permanent and neither its opposite.
Somewhere back in 2o11 I had my office in the mudroom of my house at the other front door. It was a cozy little room and we used a different door to enter the house. There was a big window to the outside behind the garage. Well one late morning I heard this screaming creature outside the window and I saw a squirrel on the garage roof screaming at a stray cat in the alley and all I could think of is what is this about? So a little later I checked the mail outside the other door and the stray cat left a squirrel carcus near my other front door and I immediately realized the squirrel on the roof lost a family member that morning. The creature was overwhelmed with grief at their loss. I think this to be a rare event in nature for people to witness as I had not in all my years seen an animal struck with this kind of loss and pain and its expression of grief. Pain is not exclusive in nature.
I am also reminded of the old fashioned prayer and actions regarding gratitude for a meal from older times when a meal might be harder to come by. In this modern era, it is easier to prepare and have a meal without too much thought of where the next one will happen. These times indeed were cyclical as well.
So I guess the point is depending on your belief system and how you conduct your faith; a deity doesn't have to be crushing, or loving; however, the way nature works is a cycle and one in which balances itself out in ways perhaps seemingly unequal depending on the perspective but nonetheless in a design as simple as a circle. I am also reminded of a saying that 'this too shall pass'. Indeed it does, whether good or bad. A deity designed by a system of governance is going to be confusing to those who practice or those whom observe. This is why I settled on nature; it is easier for me to deal with it -especially regarding my pain and goodness.




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