Here and Now...What's Happening?

[ulli]

Posted by write4change (here)
1in Many, what you are feeling and seeing exists all the time in Texas. I only understood you when I realized you were in Texas. Look at who the majority of the state votes for and what they stand for. Perry executed an innocent man. Refused to even read the evidence of his guilt or innocence or what it was based on. Yet, for many people this is no problem for him being president.

One of the reasons I gave up my 4000 square foot dream house in San Antonio was a mother coming and asking my help with home owner's association for them wanting to kick them out and writing in black and white that their 19 year old down's syndrome daughter was not appropriate to the neighborhood. I was already in suit with them. I could have won the suit etc. But I sold the house at a big profit which you would think they would want--get rid of me. But no they tried to prevent that because they were into cruelty. That is there in your face all the time in Texas. Public cruelty and humiliation almost as an art form. Most people who live there find it perfectly normal. They never even think about it.

Letting people know who you really are in Texas especially spiritually is very dangerous. 60 minutes did a piece about 1995 about an Armenian living in the Dallas area who they tried to remove his sons because they were not being brought up in the religion of the majority and "he hugged them and kissed them at football games" which was totally inappropriate behavior--latent homosexuality etc. Only not if you are from a more Mediterrean culture where men are much more touchy feely with each other. Who were these people? And why could they not mind their own business?

Be well. It is not just you--it is your environment. I am planning on going back rather soon myself. But I will have a whole public cover story that I know they will approve of and I will never publicly express what I really think. And that can be as simple as frowning at a racial joke. It will be easier now that I am old. I will simply pretend deafness whenever I need to.

Whenever I found my environment become too brutal for fragile little me then my suppressed escapism came to the fore and manifested a hole in the wall...and whoops, I wasn't in Kansas any more.
45 house moves, 4 countries.
Traveled to thirty countries and now settled in two, with an apartment near the ocean in Barbados and mountain valley in Central America.
Beautiful nature in both, but also third world poverty, materialism, strong religious indoctrination, maybe the bigots aren't quite as bad as in Texas, there is more diversity, that's for sure.
It's people that make life tough, plants and animals are easy.

[PurpleLama]

Purplelama has now become visible, once again.

[9eagle9]

I think these things are the driving force behind me wanting to get away from this environment and this city. Isn’t that running away though? And, is that wrong? I just crave quiet and tranquility and a garden and fresh air and being able to have an uninterrupted flow of that energy that is uplifting and makes me feel like an angel. No wonder I get frustrated, because I’m not sure that what I crave is even possible. Conventional psychology tells me that if I leave this place, whatever problems I now have will follow me. But holy crap, I can’t solve the problems

Your self , who you are, wil not only tell you otherwise, it jus brings it in what you want. Granted if you don't know who, we often times don't know what we want but your 'finding yourself process' can be accomplished just as well (if not better) in fresh air rather the city.

I spent a year in the crowded home of my sister helping her and my other two sisters take care of my terminally ill mother. During this time, my job got cut back and the company thought it would be better to accomadate my hospice situation by laying me off altogether. After my mother died it was very stressful being in the house, with limited income, and there's a lot of resentment around me due to my family's conditioning. It's very hard to explain to three women who don't know what 'job market' intails how hard it is to bring an income in these times. A lot pressure from others to perform what they had never challenged with. Old bad childhood crap coming there, being expected always to do what others are not willing to do but do it with absolutely no means doing it. Magick tricks essentially. With no escape in sight I just had to throw it in the air, as impossible as it seemed, and just let my higher self take care of it. Put me where I can breathe, put me where I belong.

Within a week I'm out of the city and back in the country. Mind that what's what I wanted, what I was going to settle for was best accomadations I could manage which would not be nearly so pleasant as they are here. It will deliver more than you can think on your own. No conventional pyschology won't support this but the higher expression will.

[ulli]

Posted by ViralSpiral (here)
Wishing I was THERE and NOW!

...and I wish you were Here, Now, and we could sit and chat and gossip about everything and everybody.



YAY!!!!!!
It worked. My first direct attachment upload from my drive.

[ViralSpiral]

Posted by ulli (here)
[

...and I wish you were Here, Now, and we could sit and chat and gossip about everything and everybody.

Me? Gossip? Gasp!!

lol Ulli, did you use tinypic?

[9eagle9]

And postscript.

There is no increase in pain infliction or pain. We are only becoming more aware of it, we are becoming more aware of it because we have finally reached a place where we have become aware of our own pain. If we can't manage our pain , or what some people call pain body, we begin to attach it to other people in attempt to purge it.

"They are the cause of my pain" (You're being mean to me)

or

"I feel pain because I am witnessing the "what I fear in my pain in another" (feeling badly for another)


We end up minding (literally) other's pain before minding our own. If we leave this free space unattended and don't manage our own pain something will come in and manage it for you. In a small way, like reacting to external events and big ways that require excorcism. All of it though, small to large is excorcism.

An excorcist does not take out devils and demons and cure things. They find the pain the entity has attached to. In realeasing it , externals things can no longer influence there. Extraction of negative energies is just tidy up part, not the central focus.

We ignore our own pain and focus on the pain of others. We invite in our possession. We feel this is virtuous but it's not because pain is bad and unnaturual feeling but a condition we've lived in for so long that....we've allowed it to be a natural part of our existence. To the extent for some, if pain is not present, we feel like something is wrong. And will create it in order for things to seem 'normal'. In some fashion or another.

Feeling badly towards others is just sending our own bad pain and bad juju to them.. Then we excuse it as sympathy and make 'sending bad energy' a 'virtue'--- we just keep replicating the pain. We have been taught that sharing our pain and the pain of others is virtous. When you look at this in a clear minded way there is nothing even remotely sane about sending pain. Its destructive. This is not to say we are callous towards other's pain but there are appropriate ways of helping each other without going into pain re-creation mode where we just re-create it over and over again.

This is why there seems to be so much pain out there.

We are trying to purge our own by working it out in events that are external of us. The pain is inside of us though.

We are projecting it so we are seeing it more.

We are particularly seeing pain where there is no reason for it. We get in the pain story instead of an actual cause of pain. My young riding student girls understand this in an instant. They are fearful and in pain 'when nothing is happening' which ruins their whole enjoyment of the experience. It takes five minutes to shift this 'creation' of pain in a 7 year old. Children who don't understant the concept of it know instantly how to clear it. But to get an adult to do it....nothing but resistance. "I want my PAIN!!! if you will not share in my pain re-creation, I'm going put myself away from you!

People think that others resist doing clearing work because painful emotions come up. Nope. They want their pain. They what they don't want. It makes them feel normal. When you are transitioning from pain body to whole body, things 'FEEL" loopy and off balance. But we've taught again that not being balanced is wrong so we don't enter that loopy place. We are actually coming to a more grounded state. Like people who live on freighter ships, they spend much time being off balance to accomdate the roll of the waves, that they feel weird on even ground.

So I tell my students. When you are falling off your horse, you have right to be afraid. It's okay. So sit where you are and feel the fear and it will go away. It doesn't have an outlet and event to express itself in. So it just has to evaporate. There's no use for it.

When you hit the ground its typical that you expect pain.

But nothing is happening right now, but you're crying and afraid as if it were. Why? Because of the thought of it, not the actual occurence.

Kids grasp this in a heartbeat. Most of all I emphasize its not falling off the horse they fear, its the pain of hitting the ground. Then they are making the horse the cause of the fear when it's actually the impact of the ground they are afraid of. And only once in a while are we hurt by hitting the ground. So we further ID our fear by 'its not so much hitting the ground its the shock of hitting the ground." Hit the ground, your stunned, you lose your breath, but.... five minutes later your fine. They pop up, "I'm not hurt" . Confusign shock with pain. If they were in pain they'd be hurt.

Kids have weirdly healthy ways of managing pain.

I Had all these girls afraid of falling off their horses for the reasons mentioned. One of my friends came up with the idea of having a Fallen Angels poster. Whoever falls off gets a photo taken of them and put on the poster. . Another friend got sets of pin on angel wings...So now , save for a few, their all riding like dervishes, and losing their stirrips and falling off like rain drops because they want to be on that board. It represents triumph over fear and pain to them. That's how they share their fear and pain with each other.

So amazing to me they get this so easily.

People often enter into relationships because they share the same state of woundedness. You can't base an unconditional relationship on conditioned wounds so the whole merry go round of break up and then get back together to 'work it out' ensues. We've all seen this. What they don't know if they are not trying to work out the relationship they are trying to work out their own pain.

[ulli]

Posted by ViralSpiral (here)

Posted by ulli (here)
[

...and I wish you were Here, Now, and we could sit and chat and gossip about everything and everybody.

Me? Gossip? Gasp!!

lol Ulli, did you use tinypic?

I had some teething problems with tinypic. I think I have to register first.

But I did remember that there was another way: go to the "Go Advanced" button on the bottom of the edit page here, then click on the attachment icon
then the uploader appears...and the rest is easy.

Oops... here are a few more from our land yesterday, clean river, sunshine and my flowers are blooming:

[ulli]

Posted by 9eagle9 (here)

People often enter into relationships because they share the same state of woundedness. You can't base an unconditional relationship on conditioned wounds so the whole merry go round of break up and then get back together to 'work it out' ensues. We've all seen this. What they don't know if they are not trying to work out the relationship they are trying to work out their own pain.

All this is very true.
Still, there are other levels of perceiving these issues, levels which allow for whatever process is needed, and aren't quite so adamant about getting it right the first time.
I consider perfectionism about these issues just as much a stumbling block to healthy relations as the attachment to one's wounds.
What matters in my view is not so much the perfected individual as the relationship between individuals at different levels of perfection and different stages in their journey.

[ViralSpiral]

Where's the Chardonnay?

[9eagle9]

While a certain understanding of one's pain is necessary , and I have found it vastly more helpful to show someone their pain instead of just saying, "you're in pain, get rid of it.."

You are correct one has to re-frame lose that word perfection. Another word that has been misaligned into consciouenss. Wholeness and authenticity aren't perfection .

Self integration is messy.

As long we are in a indivudal state, perfection is always going be based on individual judgements. But that word leaks in all the time, we are 'perfecting' ourselves and that is standard that has been raised . And it results in people who are constantly failing at being perfect. A impossible standard. That's how the role playing comes in, I can't 'perfect' myself so I will find a role that is more perfect.

Sometimes we have to go as far as detach from having the 'need' to understand. When someone has reached that point though, that's about as close to perfection as we can come on this physical plane. Weirdly, once you can detach from the need to understand you seem to understand more...lol.

Much of what is posted in this forum in articles and material is the 'need' to understand.

That 'need' to understand mechanism can lead to creating another beleif system to a accomadate what we don't understand. Probably how the nine zillion different sects and offshoots of Christianity were developed.

There's a space there that 'needs' to be filled so we end up flogging the understanding horse till it can no longer carry us. . There are healthy ways of filling it or ways that just keep us running in circles . When you see these angst raddled flare ups when someones belief is challenged its scab picking...lol. Someone threatens that belief that is filling that empty space and one grows defensive. But even the fact that I don't share a belief system with other's is enough to cause them pain.

(One of my friends is hugely powerful emotional healing facilitator and we call her a 'scab picker'.)

But it is a process so that means we can never get it right the first time because a process is steps of first time, second, third time. We weren't hit once with pain but many times.....

But one has to understand they have to intiate the process by taking that first step. What one eventually arrives at are finding the shared psychic traumas we've all experienced collectively. Then you see what splendid we were before the hammer came down, glimpses here and there. It's surreal. Like those faery-esque photos that' have been posted. We seem to be drawn to that surreal expression because at the bottom of it all that's who we once were.

[ulli]

Posted by ViralSpiral (here)



Where's the Chardonnay?

It was on the table just outside the photo. Unfortunately my friends drank it faster than my camera could say "click".

I managed to save you some Cabernet Sauvignon, though:

[ViralSpiral]

Posted by ulli (here)

It was on the table just outside the photo. Unfortunately my friends drank it faster than my camera could say "click".

Oh, okay. Dont invite him/her next time. I don't like competition. *cough*

[Calz]

Guest appearance here and now.

Seems my Bilbo birthday disappearing act didn't go over too well.






Short but sincere thank you to all who have reached out in various fashions.

astrid ... purple ... wow I am really humbled among so many others.

As astrid alluded to in a generic assessment of Libra I don't process anger well. In my case it causes some serious physical pain to my heart. My first responsibility is to my family and thus I am taking some time off.

Happy birthday (again) to the queen.

Will do what I can to move any "stormclouds" beyond the shire borders. 9 was one of my very first good friends here and I expect we can work that out somehow.

In the meanwhile ...

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=M1ypn0y32Ac

[Guest]

Happy Birthday Ulli i love your big ole cuddly cat.

Love

Nora

[ViralSpiral]

Hurry Back Cal. Don't want your coffee to get cold!

[ulli]

Arnold and Clint dialogue:

Clint: Make my (birth) Day!!!!
Aanold: I'll be BAAACK!!!

Thanks for making my day, Calz!!!!!!!!!!

[ulli]

Posted by Nora (here)
Happy Birthday Ulli i love your big ole cuddly cat.

Love

Nora

Here is a picture of them both, ChewChew Bear and KiddieKiddie, the kitten that appeared right after Easter.
Both are posing next to the statue my mother-in-law made when my husband was 4 years old. She was an art teacher then.

[9eagle9]

Cal you don't have to process anger like its a 12 step program. We avoid it because we think the process exposes us to more anger or causes pain. The process is the release of pain. When we release pain we feel it as it comes up and then its gone after a few minutes. If we hold on to it, it just erupts whenever it feels like it, sucks back down and we never get rid of it.

I know everyone says its bad to be angry. That is another judgment of ourselves. How much judgements can we hold espeically if they are all in a state of conflict. We're good, we're bad, we're happy, we're angry. One day the Ka-boom is going to come.

It's not right to go out and beat the **** out of someone becaise we are angry/. One can be angry withotu having an action/reaction to it.

But what is wrong with sitting at your desk and succumbing to anger. No action/reaction is necessary. Just sti there in your anger.

Anger management is not like herding cows moving it from one spot to the other. It's just releasing it. Feeling it, owning it, not judging it and then pffffft...it's gone. five minutes, ten minutes. No emotion goes on forever...lol. Unless we suck it in over and over.

Yes if you are getting a visual of someone angry and screaming at themselves not to be angry and then screaming again that it's okay to be angry...until one collapses into a fit of crying...that is a bout on mark. It's an internal struggle when we quit fighting it there's nothing for it to struggle against. So we have choice. Keep it 'managed' in a nice little box until some exernal event comes along and opens the box...or just let it release when you feel it.

Like my little riding girls. Just let them be angry, or afraid and it evaporates. Then it takes that heart pain with it.

Instead we are taught to suck it up or avoid it. One only have so much supressed anger/grief before we start feeling pain. That's good. What is scary are people who are angry and grief stricken who can't feel their pain.

I guess that is a process but...its so simple--just sit in it for few--I can't call it a process. What hurts the heart is sucking up the anger instead of just sitting in it and saying . Okay I'm angry, It's okay I'm angry. and not judging the anger, just letting it be what is is. or excusing it. "I'm angry because because because.....

It's just "I'm angry"

It just goes away. By not addressing it , is what causes the pain. Anger is nearly always attached to grief. Sadness. So if you sit in that anger for a minute , or two or five, you are probably going to start crying--and that's okay. or at the least start feeling sad. Don't judge it or force it away...just sit in it, after a few minutes it will be replaced by something that will suprise you.

I never seen it fail...ever. Not once. That suprise moment never ceases to show up.

You may have to this several times but your just allowing your self pain release.

Fear is managed the same way. Instead people burble on about not being afraid. You have to be in your fear for a while to release ...then it's gone. There is not fear. Telling someone not to be afraid, amounts to asking for a kick in the nuts. It's a stupid impossible mechanism. We can't 'tell' our emotions anything.

I plop down several times a day to be...

I'm angry

I'm confused

I'm hurt

I'm awful

the more I do this the less I have to do it...

When you get all that crap out...there's only one thing that can remain...and that is the 'suprise'.

[Calz]

Posted by 9eagle9 (here)
Cal you don't have to process anger like its a 12 step program. We avoid it because we think the process exposes us to more anger or causes pain. The process is the release of pain. When we release pain we feel it as it comes up and then its gone after a few minutes. If we hold on to it, it just erupts whenever it feels like it, sucks back down and we never get rid of it.

I know everyone says its bad to be angry. That is another judgment of ourselves. How much judgements can we hold espeically if they are all in a state of conflict. We're good, we're bad, we're happy, we're angry. One day the Ka-boom is going to come.

It's not right to go out and beat the **** out of someone becaise we are angry/. One can be angry withotu having an action/reaction to it.

But what is wrong with sitting at your desk and succumbing to anger. No action/reaction is necessary. Just sti there in your anger.

Anger management is not like herding cows moving it from one spot to the other. It's just releasing it. Feeling it, owning it, not judging it and then pffffft...it's gone. five minutes, ten minutes. No emotion goes on forever...lol. Unless we suck it in over and over.

Yes if you are getting a visual of someone angry and screaming at themselves not to be angry and then screaming again that it's okay to be angry...until one collapses into a fit of crying...that is a bout on mark. It's an internal struggle when we quit fighting it there's nothing for it to struggle against. So we have choice. Keep it 'managed' in a nice little box until some exernal event comes along and opens the box...or just let it release when you feel it.

Like my little riding girls. Just let them be angry, or afraid and it evaporates. Then it takes that heart pain with it.

Instead we are taught to suck it up or avoid it. One only have so much supressed anger/grief before we start feeling pain. That's good. What is scary are people who are angry and grief stricken who can't feel their pain.

I guess that is a process but...its so simple--just sit in it for few--I can't call it a process. What hurts the heart is sucking up the anger instead of just sitting in it and saying . Okay I'm angry, It's okay I'm angry. and not judging the anger, just letting it be what is is. or excusing it. "I'm angry because because because.....

It's just "I'm angry"

It just goes away. By not addressing it , is what causes the pain. Anger is nearly always attached to grief. Sadness. So if you sit in that anger for a minute , or two or five, you are probably going to start crying--and that's okay. or at the least start feeling sad. Don't judge it or force it away...just sit in it, after a few minutes it will be replaced by something that will suprise you.

I never seen it fail...ever. Not once. That suprise moment never ceases to show up.

You may have to this several times but your just allowing your self pain release.

Fear is managed the same way. Instead people burble on about not being afraid. You have to be in your fear for a while to release ...then it's gone. There is not fear. Telling someone not to be afraid, amounts to asking for a kick in the nuts. It's a stupid impossible mechanism. We can't 'tell' our emotions anything.

I plop down several times a day to be...

I'm angry

I'm confused

I'm hurt

I'm awful

the more I do this the less I have to do it...

When you get all that crap out...there's only one thing that can remain...and that is the 'suprise'.

later my good friend ... let us have a margarita toast to ulli's birthday

( I'll be back ... we shall do this not here and not now ... agreed? You willing to take care of my kids if I have a heart attack and pass??? ... didn't think so)

[meeradas]

Ulli!

"Ein Ständchen zum Geburtstag"

Source: https://youtube.com/watch?v=BxQSEvHdyjQ

I know it's late... Hope you like it as i did.
[after watching it again - this is absolutely grand!]