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Thread: Here and Now...What's Happening?

  1. Link to Post #33061
    Avalon Member Carmody's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by TargeT (here)
    Quote Posted by Ernie Nemeth (here)
    Damn T, that ain't funny. So sorry I laughed but the picture in my mind made me do it. Hope your wrist is alright, though.
    My wrist shoulder and ankle are a little banged up, nothing too bad though thankfully

    Quote Posted by REILLY (here)
    Forget the wrist, I hope the bike is ok!
    That's what I was thinking about all afternoon at work(my bike is my transportation to work so the family can have the truck); well that and wishing my wife had video taped it. I was trying to ride up a couple of steps at the front of the pool then turn and ride around, when I went to lift the front wheel up the stairs (via wheely, of course, I had an audience after all!) I got off balance & twisted the throttle which changed the two stairs into a ramp, basically launching the bike (and me) to the half way point of the pool. I was a bit off center (since I meant to ride around, not into the pool.. Lol) so as the bike and I flew through the air (me significantly further) we were along the edge & my momentum carried me to the "kidney" shaped indent that I hit with my right side as I entered the pool mostly head first.

    I popped my head out of the water (about 5' deep where I landed) and took off my helmet and tossed it out of the pool, the dug my phone out of my pocket and it followed the helmet. I had to hold my breath and duck under the water to grab the bikes handlebars so I could walk it (under water) the 8 feet or so to the shallow end stairs. When I got to the stairs I realized it was still on so I turned off the key and wrestled it out of the water.

    Of course by that time I had the help of the whole family, since my wife laughed/screamed as I flew into the pool, so I walked the bike back down the ramp,,, err "stairs", and parked it in the sun, pulled the battery from my phone and put it in some rice; grabbed a towel (for my truck seat) and drove back to work.

    I just test rode the bike and everything works; even if I loose my phone this is just another fun life story at this point (the bike is fine!) so I'm sort of wince/laughing at this point... Haha
    Almost as much fun as brushing bugs into your teeth. did that once. Reminder to always look at the toothbrush first.

    Interdimensional Civil Servant

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  3. Link to Post #33062
    Avalon Member Carmody's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Rantaak (here)
    I am now returning to Avalon after a year-long alcohol-induced stupor. Friends can rest easy, my recovery has gone quite well. I spent the year working in a dive bar in my hometown, meeting all sorts of damaged, unhappy people. After contending with much frustration in the realization that most people don't want to hear the truth, I drank a lot of alcohol and moved away from proper shamanism into a very imbalanced state. I ended up killing quite a few heart cells as well with the unclean drugs I was putting in my body. Fortunately, my body is now healthier than it has ever been and I hardly feel inclined to drink liquor or consume any other dissociative type of substance. I am eating almost all raw, organic food with no meat or sugar. I even quit drinking caffeine because I have such a naturally high level of energy now.

    I was watching a Dan Winter video the other day and found myself quite moved by his story about the addictive process (monoatomic gold and the Annunaki) and relying on an external source to generate ones own bliss versus becoming the capacity to generate that energy from within. This is very telling of our day-to-day habits. I still stand by something my friend Drunvalo told me about shamanic plants, that they "can accelerate ones spiritual growth immensely beyond the rate of typical incarnation." Shamanism co-exists with the Earth-game in this way, in that it is only allowed in relative obscurity. Those who venture into higher vibrational modes become the heralds of the new dawn for everyone else. If everyone became a herald, hell would break loose.

    In other news, I am building a video game with a small team of people who want to change consciousness. Our first project challenges players by allowing them to understand how the process of mental deception works between individuals and masses. We also base our lore off of the ancient history of Sumeria, Egypt, Atlantis, and other civilizations such as the discarnate - much of which was researched through Avalon in some way. The second project is a story about growing up to be a shaman in 1990s California, and coming to learn and participate in the cosmic history of life. We are building a demo of our first game and knocking on doors in Palo Alto, CA for investment capital.

    It's great to see so many familiar faces next to all of your wonderful posts. I look forward to participating again in this community with some of my favorite people. Love and blessings to all of you!
    Kickstarter.
    Interdimensional Civil Servant

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  5. Link to Post #33063
    Costa Rica Avalon Member ulli's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Rantaak (here)
    I am now returning to Avalon after a year-long alcohol-induced stupor. Friends can rest easy, my recovery has gone quite well. I spent the year working in a dive bar in my hometown, meeting all sorts of damaged, unhappy people. After contending with much frustration in the realization that most people don't want to hear the truth, I drank a lot of alcohol and moved away from proper shamanism into a very imbalanced state. I ended up killing quite a few heart cells as well with the unclean drugs I was putting in my body. Fortunately, my body is now healthier than it has ever been and I hardly feel inclined to drink liquor or consume any other dissociative type of substance. I am eating almost all raw, organic food with no meat or sugar. I even quit drinking caffeine because I have such a naturally high level of energy now.

    I was watching a Dan Winter video the other day and found myself quite moved by his story about the addictive process (monoatomic gold and the Annunaki) and relying on an external source to generate ones own bliss versus becoming the capacity to generate that energy from within. This is very telling of our day-to-day habits. I still stand by something my friend Drunvalo told me about shamanic plants, that they "can accelerate ones spiritual growth immensely beyond the rate of typical incarnation." Shamanism co-exists with the Earth-game in this way, in that it is only allowed in relative obscurity. Those who venture into higher vibrational modes become the heralds of the new dawn for everyone else. If everyone became a herald, hell would break loose.

    In other news, I am building a video game with a small team of people who want to change consciousness. Our first project challenges players by allowing them to understand how the process of mental deception works between individuals and masses. We also base our lore off of the ancient history of Sumeria, Egypt, Atlantis, and other civilizations such as the discarnate - much of which was researched through Avalon in some way. The second project is a story about growing up to be a shaman in 1990s California, and coming to learn and participate in the cosmic history of life. We are building a demo of our first game and knocking on doors in Palo Alto, CA for investment capital.

    It's great to see so many familiar faces next to all of your wonderful posts. I look forward to participating again in this community with some of my favorite people. Love and blessings to all of you!
    This is great news, Rantaak. Purifying your system is no easy feat.
    You deserve a pat on the back.
    What I would like to ask you, and I hope you don't mind me asking...
    how do you feel about shamanism now?

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  7. Link to Post #33064
    United States Avalon Member Dennis Leahy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?


    So, here's that little guy who made a house call a couple of days ago.

    TargeT, your story could either have been tragic or funny - luckily, you came at it with a good attitude and see the humor.

    I had a first face-to-face meeting and a very nice day-long visit with one of my Australian cousins and his Japanese wife. She is an artist that went back to school at age 55 to get a Fine Arts degree (I'm not sure why - her art was beautiful and skilled before getting a degree.) Anyway, one of her themes is the harmonious intersection between Japanese and Australian cultures. Take a peek, if you want: https://tamayoleahy.wordpress.com

    Dennis

    p.s. Rantaak, Alcohol sets a deep hook - very hard to get off the line and swam away. Kudos to you. Look at your picture! Health!
    Last edited by Dennis Leahy; 28th August 2013 at 01:17.


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  9. Link to Post #33065
    Costa Rica Avalon Member ulli's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Dennis Leahy (here)
    So, here's that little guy who made a house call a couple of days ago.

    TargeT, your story could either have been tragic or funny - luckily, you came at it with a good attitude and see the humor.

    I had a first face-to-face meeting and a very nice day-long visit with one of my Australian cousins and his Japanese wife. She is an artist that went back to school at age 55 to get a Fine Arts degree (I'm not sure why - her art was beautiful and skilled before getting a degree.) Anyway, one of her themes is the harmonious intersection between Japanese and Australian cultures. Take a peek, if you want: https://tamayoleahy.wordpress.com

    Dennis

    p.s. Rantaak, Alcohol sets a deep hook - very hard to get off the line and swam away. Kudos to you. Look at your picture! Health!
    Nice work. I like this one:


    (but I also like the hydrangeas)

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  11. Link to Post #33066
    United States Avalon Member Dennis Leahy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by donk (here)
    It is one of my favorite things to do to explore the golf course.

    ... when my buddy found the “sweet spot” in between the gears and the governor golfcarts have to prevent such idiocy. We started coasting down toward the green:

    ...which was fun at first, we got some speed. Then more speed. Then the steering started to feel a little loose, a little fishtailing action….I get a little nervous. I look over to buddy, one of the safest drivers I know, generally very cautious and responsible—except for every once while gets an adventurous bug up his ass…well I looked for reassurance that we were under control and I should be enjoying this, even though we were flying down the hill like a bat outa hell, quickly approaching the pair who’d started down before us.
    ...
    Instead of calm concentration focused on avoiding the cart we seem to be about to smash into, I see he is looking at me, wide eyed, sheer terror. Uh oh. I brace myself, body going rigid, clinging to inside of cart, pushing my feet against ground as hard as I can, bracing myself. He slams the brake, the thing whips 90 degrees, with the passenger side (which I am on) facing the bottom of the hill. The thing flips toward my side….

    …I remain in the cart, the roof narrowly missing my head slamming into the concrete ...

    5 years later, my dog pees right around the spot he wasn’t allowed near before, goes and sniffs at the sinkhole where a drainage pipe burst, and chases a bunny down the gricklegrass where the next fairway used to be…
    Enjoyed your story Donk. Wish we were still made out of rubber, like when we were kids, when we're having fun and being a kid again.

    Dennis


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  13. Link to Post #33067
    Costa Rica Avalon Member ulli's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Carmody (here)
    Quote Posted by TargeT (here)
    Quote Posted by Ernie Nemeth (here)
    Damn T, that ain't funny. So sorry I laughed but the picture in my mind made me do it. Hope your wrist is alright, though.
    My wrist shoulder and ankle are a little banged up, nothing too bad though thankfully

    Quote Posted by REILLY (here)
    Forget the wrist, I hope the bike is ok!
    That's what I was thinking about all afternoon at work(my bike is my transportation to work so the family can have the truck); well that and wishing my wife had video taped it. I was trying to ride up a couple of steps at the front of the pool then turn and ride around, when I went to lift the front wheel up the stairs (via wheely, of course, I had an audience after all!) I got off balance & twisted the throttle which changed the two stairs into a ramp, basically launching the bike (and me) to the half way point of the pool. I was a bit off center (since I meant to ride around, not into the pool.. Lol) so as the bike and I flew through the air (me significantly further) we were along the edge & my momentum carried me to the "kidney" shaped indent that I hit with my right side as I entered the pool mostly head first.

    I popped my head out of the water (about 5' deep where I landed) and took off my helmet and tossed it out of the pool, the dug my phone out of my pocket and it followed the helmet. I had to hold my breath and duck under the water to grab the bikes handlebars so I could walk it (under water) the 8 feet or so to the shallow end stairs. When I got to the stairs I realized it was still on so I turned off the key and wrestled it out of the water.

    Of course by that time I had the help of the whole family, since my wife laughed/screamed as I flew into the pool, so I walked the bike back down the ramp,,, err "stairs", and parked it in the sun, pulled the battery from my phone and put it in some rice; grabbed a towel (for my truck seat) and drove back to work.

    I just test rode the bike and everything works; even if I loose my phone this is just another fun life story at this point (the bike is fine!) so I'm sort of wince/laughing at this point... Haha
    Almost as much fun as brushing bugs into your teeth. did that once. Reminder to always look at the toothbrush first.
    what's weird about this is that just last week I saw a cockroach nibbling on my tooth brush....yuck
    this was the first time it happened, but now I realize they have probably done this hundreds of times without my knowing.
    So now Im keeping the brush inside a container.


    Last edited by ulli; 28th August 2013 at 01:54.

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  15. Link to Post #33068
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Dennis Leahy (here)
    Quote Posted by donk (here)
    It is one of my favorite things to do to explore the golf course.

    ... when my buddy found the “sweet spot” in between the gears and the governor golfcarts have to prevent such idiocy. We started coasting down toward the green:

    ...which was fun at first, we got some speed. Then more speed.....
    Enjoyed your story Donk. Wish we were still made out of rubber, like when we were kids, when we're having fun and being a kid again.

    Dennis
    After limping around all night, I'm wishing that right now 33 isn't 23, that's for sure
    Hard times create strong men, Strong men create good times, Good times create weak men, Weak men create hard times.
    Where are you?

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  17. Link to Post #33069
    United States Avalon Member gripreaper's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    This looks like something I would do.

    "Lay Down Your Truth and Check Your Weapons
    The Next Voice You Hear Will Be Your OWN"
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhS69C1tr0w

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  19. Link to Post #33070
    Costa Rica Avalon Member ulli's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    When we look up instead of down we sometimes get messages:


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  21. Link to Post #33071
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by ulli (here)
    That lawyer joke/story exactly fits Henri Bergson’s definition of “something mechanical encrusted on the living”, in Laughter: An Essay on the Meaning of Comic.



    Quote A man, running along the street, stumbles and falls; the passers-by burst out laughing. They would not laugh at him, I imagine, could they suppose that the whim had suddenly seized him to sit down on the ground. They laugh because his sitting down is involuntary.

    Consequently, it is not his sudden change of attitude that raises a laugh, but rather the involuntary element in this change,--his clumsiness, in fact. Perhaps there was a stone on the road. He should have altered his pace or avoided the obstacle. Instead of that, through lack of elasticity, through absentmindedness and a kind of physical obstinacy, AS A RESULT, IN FACT, OF RIGIDITY OR OF MOMENTUM, the muscles continued to perform the same movement when the circumstances of the case called for something else. That is the reason of the man’s fall, and also of the people’s laughter.

    Now, take the case of a person who attends to the petty occupations of his everyday life with mathematical precision. The objects around him, however, have all been tampered with by a mischievous wag, the result being that when he dips his pen into the inkstand he draws it out all covered with mud, when he fancies he is sitting down on a solid chair he finds himself sprawling on the floor, in a word his actions are all topsy-turvy or mere beating the air, while in every case the effect is invariably one of momentum. Habit has given the impulse: what was wanted was to check the movement or deflect it. He did nothing of the sort, but continued like a machine in the same straight line. The victim, then, of a practical joke is in a position similar to that of a runner who falls,--he is comic for the same reason. The laughable element in both cases consists of a certain MECHANICAL INELASTICITY, just where one would expect to find the wide-awake adaptability and the living pliableness of a human being. The only difference in the two cases is that the former happened of itself, whilst the latter was obtained artificially. In the first instance, the passer-by does nothing but look on, but in the second the mischievous wag intervenes.
    Elementary my dear Spock

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  23. Link to Post #33072
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by ulli (here)
    Quote Posted by araucaria (here)
    Madam Ulli,
    That is disgusting. Please cancel my subscription immediately!
    You could be more Zen about it. Let it go. But thanks for cracking me up...LOL
    Me not zen? There must be some mistake. Let’s try and inject some esthetics into this sorry affair

    Edgar Degas used to like painting horses, and also whoreses in contorted poses. He combined these two interests in one drawing, a rear view of a woman bent forwards wiping her feet, and shaded in such a way as to resemble a mare.



    Name:  edgar-degas-femme-s-essuyant-les-pieds.jpg
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    Dubious art hinting at female bestiality, certainly yes. But Degas eventually cleans up his act. His women become prettier, with no moral stigma attached, and eventually the most contorted poses of all become entirely natural, especially in his finest pastel, Woman at Her Toilette, Drying Her Left Foot.




    Name:  edgar-degas-femme-a-la-toilette-essuyant-son-pied-gauche.jpg
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    If my pics don’t come out - and they usually don’t – you can find them halfway down on the right at


    u.art.com/gallery/id--a44-b206510/edgar-degas-nudes-prints_p3.htm?ui=46D4641724CC465E8617F0516776E7D1

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  25. Link to Post #33073
    United States Avalon Member Rantaak's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by ulli (here)
    This is great news, Rantaak. Purifying your system is no easy feat.
    You deserve a pat on the back.
    What I would like to ask you, and I hope you don't mind me asking...
    how do you feel about shamanism now?
    I feel great about shamanism now ... Dragons need strong backbones. A schizophrenic is what we call someone when their backbone breaks against the strain of perception. My third eye is still only dimly lit with the occasional flash of light before falling asleep, but with each passing journey I take the crystal within my mind reinforces its structure and tunes deeper into the resonance of the etheric higher realms. I remember what it was like to see brightly, into and out of time. The dreams are also becoming more powerful with each passing day - I am starting to reawaken to the powers I have in those strange but familiar worlds I visit with strange and familiar people. And fortunately my INT has caught up with my WIS and I no longer fail my sanity checks.


    Quote Posted by Carmody (here)
    Kickstarter.
    As for Kickstarter, Carmody, we have been discussing the possibility despite past reservations... It may be worth a shot even though no one knows who we are. Quite a few delicious people have suggested it.

    Anyway, thank you all for your support - perhaps we will see each other on the other side.
    Last edited by Rantaak; 28th August 2013 at 08:40.
    By Seeking You May Find. By Doing You May Become.

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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by gripreaper (here)
    This looks like something I would do.

    My Purdy girl would have a "ball" in that scenario...Thanks Grip : )

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  29. Link to Post #33075
    Costa Rica Avalon Member ulli's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by araucaria (here)
    Quote Posted by ulli (here)
    Quote Posted by araucaria (here)
    Madam Ulli,
    That is disgusting. Please cancel my subscription immediately!
    You could be more Zen about it. Let it go. But thanks for cracking me up...LOL
    Me not zen? There must be some mistake. Let’s try and inject some esthetics into this sorry affair

    Edgar Degas used to like painting horses, and also whoreses in contorted poses. He combined these two interests in one drawing, a rear view of a woman bent forwards wiping her feet, and shaded in such a way as to resemble a mare.



    Attachment 22568

    Dubious art hinting at female bestiality, certainly yes. But Degas eventually cleans up his act. His women become prettier, with no moral stigma attached, and eventually the most contorted poses of all become entirely natural, especially in his finest pastel, Woman at Her Toilette, Drying Her Left Foot.




    Attachment 22569

    If my pics don’t come out - and they usually don’t – you can find them halfway down on the right at


    u.art.com/gallery/id--a44-b206510/edgar-degas-nudes-prints_p3.htm?ui=46D4641724CC465E8617F0516776E7D1
    The easiest way to inject esthetics is by reducing the lighting.
    The hardest way is never-ending incarnations.

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  31. Link to Post #33076
    Costa Rica Avalon Member ulli's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Rantaak (here)
    Quote Posted by ulli (here)
    This is great news, Rantaak. Purifying your system is no easy feat.
    You deserve a pat on the back.
    What I would like to ask you, and I hope you don't mind me asking...
    how do you feel about shamanism now?
    I feel great about shamanism now ... Dragons need strong backbones. A schizophrenic is what we call someone when their backbone breaks against the strain of perception. My third eye is still only dimly lit with the occasional flash of light before falling asleep, but with each passing journey I take the crystal within my mind reinforces its structure and tunes deeper into the resonance of the etheric higher realms. I remember what it was like to see brightly, into and out of time. The dreams are also becoming more powerful with each passing day - I am starting to reawaken to the powers I have in those strange but familiar worlds I visit with strange and familiar people. And fortunately my INT has caught up with my WIS and I no longer fail my sanity checks.


    Quote Posted by Carmody (here)
    Kickstarter.
    As for Kickstarter, Carmody, we have been discussing the possibility despite past reservations... It may be worth a shot even though no one knows who we are. Quite a few delicious people have suggested it.

    Anyway, thank you all for your support - perhaps we will see each other on the other side.
    I love what you said here about perception...the 'strain' of perception.
    I believe perception is everything, in the end,
    and about straining us? ...
    yeah, even the good things, when perceived consciously, can become a strain...
    which then leads us to the next perception, and so on....


    This morning I went back over the Wingmakers philosophies...reading here:

    http://www.wanttoknow.info/wingmakers#gratitude


    This passage, in particular, struck a cord:

    Time is the primary factor that distorts the otherwise clear connection between the individual and the Divine.
    Time establishes separation of experience.
    This creates doubt in the Divine's system of fairness and overarching purpose.
    This doubt, in turn, creates fear that the universe is not a mirror but rather a chaotic, whimsical energy.

    Time intervenes to create pockets of despair, hopelessness, and abandonment. However, it is these very "pockets" that often motivate awakening the sacred intentions of your soul, as they cause you to seek a more intimate and harmonious relationship with the Divine.
    Last edited by ulli; 28th August 2013 at 14:15.

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    United States Avalon Member Dennis Leahy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Fighter jets roaring, screaming over my house in Duluth, Minnesota. These guys are not practicing for an air show. Tell everyone that will listen - and some that won't - that this chemical weapons gambit is a lie perpetrated by the USA, to go to war, to profit from war, death, and destruction.

    Dennis


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    United States Avalon Member Calz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Dennis Leahy (here)
    Fighter jets roaring, screaming over my house in Duluth, Minnesota. These guys are not practicing for an air show. Tell everyone that will listen - and some that won't - that this chemical weapons gambit is a lie perpetrated by the USA, to go to war, to profit from war, death, and destruction.

    Dennis
    Very true ... hoping that wouldn't cross over into the village but there you go.

    Curious to hear from Dan on his take ...

    The "good stuff" is now now now hitting the fan ... yet here in the illusionary 3d material world ... the "bad stuff" is too ...

    Theory goes the material world is the last to change ... getting down to crunch time (on several fronts).

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    Avalon Member Carmody's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Quote Posted by Rantaak (here)
    Quote Posted by ulli (here)
    This is great news, Rantaak. Purifying your system is no easy feat.
    You deserve a pat on the back.
    What I would like to ask you, and I hope you don't mind me asking...
    how do you feel about shamanism now?
    I feel great about shamanism now ... Dragons need strong backbones. A schizophrenic is what we call someone when their backbone breaks against the strain of perception. My third eye is still only dimly lit with the occasional flash of light before falling asleep, but with each passing journey I take the crystal within my mind reinforces its structure and tunes deeper into the resonance of the etheric higher realms. I remember what it was like to see brightly, into and out of time. The dreams are also becoming more powerful with each passing day - I am starting to reawaken to the powers I have in those strange but familiar worlds I visit with strange and familiar people. And fortunately my INT has caught up with my WIS and I no longer fail my sanity checks.



    Anyway, thank you all for your support - perhaps we will see each other on the other side.
    Yes, going through the revolving door of enlightenment. One of my favorites. Going down to the mud is the fun part; the delicious mischievous smile on the way down. (but in that process, to 'not be evil', to remain true to self, to not damage others) The pain of crawling out of it. To re-focus and re-center. You can't build anew until the old is burned down. To be one, but the new, the different, the changed, the parallax view, through remembrance, that brings the understanding, the new. To create the conditions to deal with the self's karma, without creating more via the interaction of/with and damage of others, in this cyclical process. But, after a while, even that gets old.

    Ulli quotes wingmakers:
    Quote Time is the primary factor that distorts the otherwise clear connection between the individual and the Divine.
    Time establishes separation of experience.
    This creates doubt in the Divine's system of fairness and overarching purpose.
    This doubt, in turn, creates fear that the universe is not a mirror but rather a chaotic, whimsical energy.

    Time intervenes to create pockets of despair, hopelessness, and abandonment. However, it is these very "pockets" that often motivate awakening the sacred intentions of your soul, as they cause you to seek a more intimate and harmonious relationship with the Divine.
    Lost. Lost in time. The return of the return.

    Last edited by Carmody; 28th August 2013 at 15:11.
    Interdimensional Civil Servant

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    United States Avalon Member 1inMany's Avatar
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    Default Re: Here and Now...What's Happening?

    Everything is fine here. Good even. So why have I been struggling so? This is just a part of this life, the part I don't care for. I know exactly what drove me to brain altering medicine. I do. Because what is the alternative? Lying around, having no motivation, crying for (apparently) no reason, feeling blah. There are natural things I could take, everybody and their brother takes a particular vitamin or a specific herb for feeling this way. There are so many, in fact, that I think about them and give up, because I don't want to take a handful of anything several times a day. I wanted to be free of all pill-taking, that's why I stopped the meds.

    I much prefer the me that is a go-getter, the rebel, the person who won't accept no for an answer, the mover and the shaker. The me that defends the innocents, that can get out of bed and is positive thinking, the me that hums in the grocery store.

    I know, this too shall pass...probably. Maybe all this isn't mine. Maybe the recent losses of others get to me. Maybe there is some invisible force somewhere set on dampening the lights of those who are making progress. I just get tired of fighting all that. I even get tired of thinking about all that. Why can't it just not be like this any more?
    Life is a road we don't travel alone. But everyone's on their own journey home.

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