If you have felt outrage before would you care to describe it?

[AutumnW]

Posted by shaberon (here)
It's difficult and complex.


I personally specialize in is public humiliation of adults in front of a peer group.
.

Good one. Being mortified is the worst feeling anyone can experience.

[AutumnW]

Outrage, yes. Gaza, but the strength of the combined disgust, anger is edged out a bit by overwhelming grief. Rage or outrage due to an episode in my own life, not so much. Extreme emotion though, intense grief, deep and traumatizing feelings of betrayal, and deep anger, yes. But if someone engineered a scenario where I'd lose my child, I'd lose my **** completely. That I know.

I've had episodes in my life where I'm so intensely emotional, my field of vision goes wonky and all I can see is the object of my anxiety and that person will appear much larger and seem to fill a room. Things seem to move more slowly. I imagine an intense rage or outrage has some of these qualities.

There is something called Alice in Wonderland syndrome that's interesting. It's rare, but it may affect some people when they are raging or having very strong emotions.

[petra]

Posted by AutumnW (here)
Outrage, yes. Gaza, but the strength of the combined disgust, anger is edged out a bit by overwhelming grief. Rage or outrage due to an episode in my own life, not so much. Extreme emotion though, intense grief, deep and traumatizing feelings of betrayal, and deep anger, yes. But if someone engineered a scenario where I'd lose my child, I'd lose my **** completely. That I know.

I've had episodes in my life where I'm so intensely emotional, my field of vision goes wonky and all I can see is the object of my anxiety and that person will appear much larger and seem to fill a room. Things seem to move more slowly. I imagine an intense rage or outrage has some of these qualities.

There is something called Alice in Wonderland syndrome that's interesting. It's rare, but it may affect some people when they are raging or having very strong emotions.

You’re right. That Alice in Wonderland syndrome is very interesting. Here is what Grok has to say about it.

Alice in Wonderland syndrome is a rare neurological condition marked by temporary episodes of distorted perception in which objects, one’s own body parts, or the surrounding environment appear altered in size, shape, distance, or time.

Yeah losing my kid was pretty harsh but I think God did it. It just really makes sense to me. I can’t be mad at God. Thats what made my outrage go away.. realizing God was making me suffer like I had prayed for. It’s complicated.. suffice to say talking to God helped. I was yelling for a while too.

[shaberon]

Posted by petra (here)
I think I’m progressing because I’m able to quiet my mind now whereas I couldn’t do it before. One key thing for me was understanding. I needed to understand the source of my outrage first, before I was able to settle my thoughts

Yes, this is our important baseline and it shows in the tone of your posts.

We have trouble with it in ideal conditions.

So how can we possibly do it under duress?

We call the root level of this emotion, Aversion. Doesn't mean boiling rage, or even sharp irritation, but any negative response along the lines of "get this away from me."

By describing fighting, it means I can fight off something violent without any mental reaction.

On the other hand, to confess it all, Aversion was probably one of the first things I noticed when I got around a large number of human beings. It was a pre-school right there in the neighborhood.

What I saw was that it was filled with screaming children. I did not get this and did not like it. Especially during recess, they'd just start running around out of control and shrieking. I hid from it; there were about four other kids in the class and we'd find ourselves usually pushed to the side in a little group that would talk normally, if we could hear each other, which was a challenge. It was like being around a different species.

That hasn't changed much and I still don't get it. Why so screamy?

Growing up you learn various rules and manners, and most of those things are sort of curtailed, at least around other people.

That's when I bumped into what I call physical ignorance.

It's like a different species. They go around slamming doors. Can't use it normally.

Does everyone go around slamming doors? This is new to me. It was never an issue, until I made my way into this free man's prison.

Doesn't matter if I was asleep, or tired and trying to sleep. Wham! Jolted out of it.

Same for just sitting there peacefully. Trying to concentrate. Wham! And if that's not enough, Wham! I found that in an attempt to exit, someone has to slam a door about six times. I'm basically right there beside it. No remorse.

With those, yes, of course it irritates me.

I can't say anything. If I don't like it, I can drop dead.

This is tough, because it's without warning, and suddenly Wham! And I have to stifle it with a "don't get mad" thing and then it just goes again. By the time I can push all the anger to the side, my brain is beaten and I am exhausted and it takes me a while to regain composure.

It's far more disorienting than being punched.

I'm just looking for basic courtesies, that, if you didn't have it when you were four years old, you should have picked it up somewhere along the line. I have to live with proof that doesn't happen. This is all taking its toll and wasting my time.

But, yes, despite inner development where I know better, I keep having to go through unnecessary things that trigger Aversion if not Anger on a perpetual basis, due to, I guess, underdevelopment of everyone around me. Ignorance.

[shaberon]

Posted by AutumnW (here)
I've had episodes in my life where I'm so intensely emotional, my field of vision goes wonky and all I can see is the object of my anxiety and that person will appear much larger and seem to fill a room. Things seem to move more slowly. I imagine an intense rage or outrage has some of these qualities.

There is something called Alice in Wonderland syndrome that's interesting. It's rare, but it may affect some people when they are raging or having very strong emotions.

I have not had that particular symptom (of giants). But, Wonderland, yes, this is where it gets kind of interesting.

So you have some distortion from what is "normal", although we can be sure our normal sensory functions are selective, somewhat deluded, and far from reading the entire environment. Why would we cling to being misled?

The main difference between what I am trying to describe, and, the "wild" version, is control.

In that sense, thoughts and visions will never affect me, whereas they can lead the ordinary person into a rough state.

If the same idea was switched around -- a distorted perception springing from happiness -- what then? Denounce it as unreal, or put it to use?

When we use the word imagination, it tends to mean made up, only in your head, useless; but if we more specifically called this the image-making faculty, then perhaps we could say it could be more real or unreal, good or evil. It is exactly this we are trying to clean, to purify, to find how to make it work harmoniously in nature.

I love it, but the blows caused by ignorant and worldly folk are highly damaging to a very sensitive process.

[shaberon]

I'm going to add this here because it is the same principle, although it revolves around someone else.

With the sloppy, nincompoop stuff that I do, I showed up yesterday and was given a little diatribe which I had to forward to the next person working with me, because it was somewhat personally directed.

Within a few minutes I was given the reply:


My blood is boiling.


Great. We just lost someone three weeks ago due to an outburst of rage, and, here I am nursing another one.

It was a bit insulting because that guy had just crawled around and scrubbed the whole floor by hand. You do that and come back to an unbalanced complaint; you won't like it.

As far as we can tell, the core issue remains Ignorance; that is, our business does not know how to function, so it spawns stress left and right.

This is one of the few times when I'm not even sure what to say.

I noticed our half-salad bar was gone one day recently; that turned out to be because the inspector was present.

Although you know your operation cannot pass inspection, the inspector did not appear to pursue the clues I gave them. I told them to fix this situation. That's their job. They haven't done it yet. I may have to publicly humiliate the health department. I told them you have to get that place to close down in the middle of the day, because, well, that's how it works, but they are ignorant. Forwarding the mess to the night workers is not an option, which caused the new angry scene this weekend.

What gets me is I spent my life listening to elders for guidance, and now that I am older and wiser, I'm treated like a disposable rag. Fly on the wall. Despite that I am the only person who knows what they are doing.

If I can, I'll simply correct the ignorance in a clinical, dissectionist manner...but it is truly challenging to pull through on an anger-free basis.

That summarizes everything for miles...it's ignorant, not really part of civilization, and does dumb stuff that would make anyone mad.

[petra]

Shaberon it really sounds to me like you need a new job. It’s your job that’s causing so much anger isn’t it?
I used to have a crappy job that made me mad, but now I work a boring job where I smile all the time. I can’t imagine anything that might happen to get me mad either.

Ignorance is the biggest problem in the world man.. no joke. You can’t get mad about it though.. think of them as children, that’s what I do.

I’m not saying be more like me but it’s just.. I’m hardly ever angry. Maybe my medication is numbing me too.

[shaberon]

Posted by petra (here)
Shaberon it really sounds to me like you need a new job. It’s your job that’s causing so much anger isn’t it?

Third one in a row.

As I have tried to describe, I have stepped over the line into a foreign country.

I never heard of work related issues until I came here. Not like this! At all three places, ignorance sent multiple of their own employees to the hospital. I never heard of a work-related accident. Today it's "let's put some perfume in these garbage cans". Give me a break.

So, for the past, almost as long as I have been on this website, it's both where I live and work that are ignorant and cause anger, because, well, this is foreign or uncivilized.

For me, personally, no, this is far from the source or cause of anger, but, the conditions I get for being alive.

My issues stem from being told what to do or not, because I don't agree with it, because these are the ways that largely shape the "external" world, meaning the foreign one I am in now.

If someone is stupid in their personality, if they are "ignorant of" something, that's easily ignored; but, the distribution of it is another matter.

I just yelled at one of the supervisory types that we're having a retard competition.

That didn't seem to get any response.

The last place I applied for another job just burned to the ground.

It was a long way away. And, you know, my schtick is I flow through life and talk to different people, and I find out about things they've done, and future opportunities, and things about the world around me, like something is happening. Out here there's no such thing. Fish bowl. In fact, it took almost three years to dredge up the guy the incident was about, who came to the conclusion "incompetence". He can't possibly understand me, but, he is a human enough being to understand something about the situation.

And, again, the whole point is to wash away the ignorance because if you learn what you are doing, what we are trying to teach you is how to function without anger or stress.

Done more like a dance coach than an authority figure.

That's the purpose. I never really knew it until I stepped over the line.

It also happened again as soon as I walked in. There's a display of small packets, and a guy tried to take one and dropped it. And we're talking about a plastic sleeve that has maybe six small empty balloons in it, probably not even two ounces of stuff, and it landed on the floor making a quiet "pfft". And the barely-able-to-walk kid screamed.

That one had no effect. 90% of them are a spontaneous uproar in something more or less like a gymnasium. and it hits you. And I still don't get it. Why do things like a pack of empty balloons cause screaming. I have no clue.

It's like identifying different species of animals...I don't know what all the screaming is about, I do know how to work in a physically and psychologically well-adjusted way.


If I parse my experience for what seems similar to things you have previously posted, I would say yes, probably in the early 2000s or in the aftermath of 9/11, I did get a bit bent with obsessive-compulsive tendencies from ideas and words, leading to disturbing emotions and lack of sleep. But that was basically just my own mind. So I repaired it. I think there is some common-ish ground in that.

My actual karma is really weird; most of it strains the limits of sanity. The past few years particularly, I would say no, I have not had too much hyper-motivated anger from nowhere, but, all of my physical personal space is violated in a way that is unavoidably irritating.

[petra]

Shaberon said “For me, personally, no, this is far from the source or cause of anger, but, the conditions I get for being alive.”

That just really struck me. The conditions I get for being alive.. wow.

Yeah, it’s like you can’t escape it. At least he can still feel his feelings.. I’m so numb I don’t feel much of anything anymore! So it’s like one extreme or the other. My medication numbs me too I think, but I really need it to stop falling into psychosis.

Some of the feelings I had during psychosis were so strong. Like fearing for my life when I thought I was going to get murdered. Feelings are so powerful, we don’t even realize. I remember thinking “this is what it must feel like to people in abusive relationships”. It was like having a learning experience sort of. I also know what it feels like to “kill for fun” because I dreamed about it. It feels.. merciless. I just kicked a guy down the stairs and thought “who is going to clean that up?”.

[shaberon]

I can understand that.

I would hope the numbness is only temporary, like a pain killer while a wound heals, then beware of the addiction.

That's probably part of my metaphysical point here...in the afterlife, you don't have any of those options to block or suppress feelings; not only will the intensity be cranked, it will go on for millions of years. That's why we need to make choices on earth that truly protect us.


In retrospect, I think I have another "different species of animal" trait that I only learned recently.

It's because you have two entirely separate branches of nerves for itch and pain.

A person tends to be more sensitive to one or the other.

For me, since I have never had a serious injury, it's not pain that causes traumatic memories, it's itch.

The absolute worst suffering I have ever had was multiple cases of poison ivy, which, doesn't quite lead to anger, but it definitely leads to Aversion in a hellacious manner. You just want to slice off your skin. When that amounts to your entire body, the self-visualization is obvious.

I don't know how common this is. One of my grandfathers told me the same thing. It is a particular problem in the south. Not many other things in the world are capable of such a delivery. Even the related poison oak or sumac are comparatively mild.

Itch is caused by a surge of histamines, which may be my weakness. Same thing that reacts to allergies in general, or, that is what an allergy is -- something that doesn't really hurt you, but the body reacts against it.

I am allergic to this house.

Never seen anything like it. I believe it to be airborne because the reaction is internal. Out of nowhere, I'll get a spontaneous sneezing fit. Previous experience is, you feel a tickle, sneeze maybe two or three times, and that's it.

Here, there is no warning; it blasts through, six or eight or nine of them. I have counted up to twenty-two sneezes in a row! And they are not normal; the fit is the forerunner of a massive cascade of snot, which will pour all over the floor if I don't tend to it. And then you are left with a clammy feeling like a head cold.

Usually, about ten minutes after I go out, it clears up.





The difference between us is that everything about me is geared to amplify good feelings.

At this point, at the house, at work, or anywhere I go, it's anywhere from stifled to slain. The total weight of our society is to crush feelings.

Well, at a young age, I was able to not only discover goodness but to really pursue and take part in it -- by, I suppose, a carefully-sculpted process involving other freaks and weirdos avoiding the mainstream. I'm not convinced it's the shift in time that deleted it, but the shift in space. I found out the area where I am originally from ranks as most hated by Republicans. If it's not #1, it is at least among the top five.

There wouldn't be any Republicans if there wasn't a false religion.

I never heard of ignorance or cruelty until I was at least ten, and, I still had a few years of light dosage until it was proved that a lot of the American public bombards it to all around. At that point, it became a struggle.

Strangely, on this forum, I see very little of anyone who has been immersed in the American public. It's mostly just reports about it, like an external view, rather than personal experience. And I don't believe even in another English-speaking country, that you have this same dynamic. We have engineered a right mess that is almost completely ignorant, which is why nothing good can possibly come from it.

All true philosophies are based on the success of happiness. The paradigm we are stuck in, is more like, something is said to be 'right' on paper, and, you have to hammer this out in excruciating detail, no matter the toll on others. My personal issues of anger and rebellion are based in this almost entirely.

It's a freaking machine, Petra, it's a cult where children are recruited to carbon-copy this mindless borg with legal and violent force. Cold, calculated, aimed at the demise of me or anyone who doesn't obey. Like even some guy's wife; you should beat her for any possible slip ups. It's drawing up its enclaves; it just did Louisiana. I have to find somewhere to go that is not an open-air prison run by Republicans. Otherwise we are going to clash.

[JackMcThorn]

Posted by shaberon (here)
For me, since I have never had a serious injury, it's not pain that causes traumatic memories, it's itch.

Neat little story from a grand father who was wrestling with a bunch of brothers and cousins on a hill covered in poison ivy. The old man who owned the hill stopped the boys and told them what's up. He told them to roll the three little leaves into a ball and swallow it. This was to my best guess around 1929. These boys did as instructed and had poison ivy in their mouth and down their esophagus. The old man told them if they survive that they'll never have poison ivy again. And no kidding around,they survived that and they never did get the itch again. I think it worked so good for being a grandson I never got it. But truth be told the old man could rip out the little plants with no problems either and he never swallowed it so I got protection from both sides of the family I think.

[petra]

My first thought was “I hope someone is blessing Shaberon after all that sneezing!”
I’m not sure where that tradition came from but Muslims do it too. Apparently when you sneeze you come really close to death. I always bless people who sneeze, it’s how I’m conditioned. So bless you Shaberon!

I once had a yawning fit and I thought it was funny. I didn’t count them but easily twenty.

I wonder about “itches” sometimes. They make me suspicious. Like why does my leg suddenly itch type of thing. Is there something crawling there that I can’t see? Maybe that’s being too paranoid but I don’t know man, weird bodily sensations fascinate me. I mean, everything happens for a reason.

Back to being angry, I got mad on the forum today when I was reading about targeted individuals. Was I ever mad about being targeted? No. What pisses me off is the cruelty others are undergoing.

The thing that brought on my outrage was a realization. Not that I was being targeted, it was the level of orchestration I was able to perceive that angered me so greatly. It wasn’t until later that I realized that God was the one orchestrating. That calmed me down quite a bit, I’m not seething mad anymore.

[shaberon]

Posted by petra (here)
Apparently when you sneeze you come really close to death. I always bless people who sneeze, it’s how I’m conditioned. So bless you Shaberon!

Thank you.

That's more or less true. Usually I enjoy it immensely. I might even say the sneeze itself is the blessing.

What pisses me off is the cruelty others are undergoing.

Well on the form of orchestration, what we are now calling Epstein Class I have for a long time been calling Disney Land and there is a brutal truth to it.

I believe I mentioned the chick I knew who was raised by foster parents.

And I'll say there is plenty of unorganized, individual cruelty to go around.

The real response I have is that I am working on a scale of Infinity on Closing the Door to Hell.

I would not stop incarnating until this is done.

I get the sense it will be slow going. That changes nothing.

I tend to be vehemently opposed to anything that has a victim, which is the original meaning of Trespass as in The Lord's Prayer. Unless provoked, I personally have a high degree of restraint towards even disturbing the thoughts of another. I have a really high opinion of how people should treat each other, but in actuality we do need prisons for a reason.